If you cooperate with the cosmic rhythms in the coming weeks, they will stimulate some interesting changes in the way your brain works. Here are a few of the developments you can expect: a five-point rise in your IQ; a boost in your ability to solve puzzles; a growing knack for heading off bad moods before they even erupt; a sixth sense for distinguishing between what people say they’re doing and what they’re actually doing; and a dramatic improvement in your ability to know what you don’t want.

Well then. I think I’m a bit ahead in the game if that is the case. Don’t know that I’m too concerned about the boost in my IQ or puzzle solving ability in general but I think that the latter skill might have something to do with my ability to know what I don’t want and to distinguish that pickle of other people and their actions.

Recently I ended a friendship of over 7 years.  It was a shock to her.  But not to me.  Not really.  For me I had known it was just a matter of time before I cried “Uncle.”  I know it looked good to her on the surface but I really didn’t feel that what she thought was our friendship was what I consider a true friendship at all.  It felt like a dictatorship to me.  If I didn’t like anything that was going on between us, tough shit and too bad.  And I just couldn’t participate any longer in a relationship where one person was allowed boundaries and the other just had to suck it up.

That is not to say that it doesn’t hurt. I love(d) her. It hurt like hell and damnation. Like a bandaid ripped off and the hair and skin all gone hurt. A shock and then a rubbing and rubbing and patting of the skin to take the sting away. But nothing works except time.  Some of my friends are probably sick and tired of listening to me while I process the feelings surrounding that event.  I’ve felt very badly that I hurt her.  I never wanted that.  I felt badly that the suddenness of the event was so explosive. And I felt bad because I know she doesn’t really know why or what I couldn’t take any more.  She thinks it was one incident and that I was being silly and a bitch.  But that incident was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.  And, last but not least, I’ve been pretty darned angry.

She was and still is an amazing human being.  There are things I miss so much.  But there are others I don’t miss at all.  I heard recently that she is glowing because of some good things that have happened in her life and I’m so very happy for her.  And truth be told, when I’m not thinking about this I’m very darned happy as well.

At the Fires of Lughnasadh the thing that I offered Lugh on his funeral pyre was my grief over this split.  That the grieving would end.  And as usual, this request is taking a while to come to pass. But little by little, I’m hearing good things through the grapevine, that her life is progessing, quite well in fact, and I know mine is as well. 

Then this as I read the blog At the end of desire this morning. 

Whatever is past
and has come to an end
cannot be brought back by sorrow

Well shiver me timbers and ahoy.  Thank you Lugh!!  Thank you thank you thank you!