I had too much to dream last night.  At least it felt like it.  Intense.  But very interesting and thought provoking.

I had two long dreams that I recall and both of them involved me trying not to be bit by a gaggle of vampires.

The first dream took place entirely during the day and entirely in my childhood home. I was completely alone and doing everything I could to make sure I kept the vampires out.  They could ooze through the concrete foundation, were scratching at the windows, other creepy crawlies hanging around.  Nothing was resolved, I just woke up.  Went back to sleep.

The second dream took place in an unknown eastern European type location during the night.  Mostly outside in the courtyard of this Baroque hotel but at the end we fled inside to the chandeliered lobby.  The surroundings were gorgeous, very goth, very sparkly, lots of candle light.  Fountains and people milling around oblivious to all the bloodsuckers while me and a few friends are avoiding them the best we can. They pop up suddenly in front of us, fly at us from the sky, morph out of the water.  We had some kind of ray gun and weaponry that was helping but it only delayed things it never really stopped them.  Towards the end we figured out how to kill the leader, which would get rid of them all.  We got the opportunity to take him out and did so.  He kind of melted and exploded at the same time, very dark.

And of course upon awakening and remembering these two dreams, related or not doesn’t really matter, I had to have a chuckle.  If that doesn’t reflect the stuff I’ve been digging up in my process of personal growth nothing will.  It’s quite amusing actually.  And full of hope that I have figured out the special tool that will make my fear of these others disappear.

I actually feel like all this work over the summer is coming to it’s completion. It’s actually years of work just coming to a big head the last couple of months.  I no longer feel the need to talk about it.  I feel empowered by realizing that at 47 I was still giving other folks the right to determine my worth and that my actions this summer have been my complete rejection of the relationships that kept that need going.  That part has been a struggle for at least 8 years.  How freeing.  It’s no longer surprising to me that it happened in the way it. 

I will continue to practice (and hopefully improve upon) restraint of pen and tongue.  It is a good tool to have at my disposal. 

For some reason I’m feeling very free this week.  I feel like this big thing has shifted for me. It has  been a very painful birthing for me and worth every bit of it. 

And this from Rob Brezsny’s Horoscope (Cancer):

Amputees sometimes experience agonizing sensations that seem to originate in the part of their bodies that has been severed. Called phantom pain, it’s a very real feeling, although it does not actually come from the missing arm or leg. Those of us who have possession of all our limbs sometimes experience the psychic version of phantom pain. We suffer terribly despite the fact that the source of our suffering is long gone from our lives. The good news, Cancerian, is that now is an opportune time for you to heal your phantom psychic pain. You will receive unexpected help from the universe if you formulate a strong intention to relieve the mysterious ache.

As usual I am a week ahead of schedule.  Yay me!