Recently I felt that my life had settled down enough to commit to something for a definite 2 years. And I can still do that. But my heart has shifted to another place suddenly and it just isn’t what is getting me geeking out.  Now, I love to geek out.  And the 2 year commitment was all about geeking out.  I’m just not all that interested in geeking out about medieval stuff any more.  I’ve been here before.  A few years ago I stopped playing with my living history group because I felt that I was spending my time doing things that didn’t matter in the scheme of things. 

That wasn’t exactly true.  The fact is that I’ve learned how to do many things that one might need if  forced to barter for what I/we need.  I can grow food, I can even butcher it if I must.  I can sew more than a fine seam, I can also tailor and make my own patterns.  I can make healing medicines from herbs I grow.  I can live in the wild and hold body and soul together for at least a little while.  These are good skills and if it came down to it I’m sure I could find someone who might barter a heavy winter coat and shoes for a nanny goat. So no regrets.  I am in a pretty good place no matter what when it comes to food, shelter, and clothing.  Better than most that’s for sure.  But is it enough to feed me in other ways?

More and more my heart is pulling me in another direction.  Friendships have moved on after many productive years, interests have changed.  I find that while my volunteer position, the one I committed to for 2 years, does indeed benefit others, I’m not getting fed spiritually as much as I would like.  I love teaching.  Love it love it love it.  I love seeing lights turn on.  But ultimately my problem is that the future isn’t the focus.  Where do I go from here?

I am getting giddy over making things that are completely out of my head.  Things I can give away. Things that will raise money for projects that excite me. Projects like a pagan temple, a place for all to get their spiritual needs met, a place to teach and learn, to commune, to heal, to create. 

The weather has turned towards Autumn with much cooler mornings and the heat only coming late in the day.  YES!  I love this time of year when the promise of Autumn and it’s crisp days and quiet times out of the heat are made so.  This means that we are moving towards my favorite holidays, Mabon, Samhain, and Yule.  It also means that the annual fundraiser for Gaia’s Temple is coming soon.  There will be a spiral dance, feasting, as well as a silent auction.  Last year all of my donated craft items were sold for a total of $300.  Now that might not seem like much when we are trying to build a temple but I have to say that I finally felt as though what I was doing had deep spiritual meaning. That it truly is for the greater common good.

Last Thursday The Ex and I attended the last Lammas ritual of the season.  The evening was gorgeous, the sun out but also the breeze (the cooler evenings are as welcome as the cooler mornings!) . For some silly reason I had been putting off the invitations to join this group of people for an entire year.  For some silly reason I was very nervous about going.  I knew I would be a stranger, or so I thought at any rate.  I was afraid of meeting so many new people in one place for such an intimate thing for me. But my experiences at OLOTEAS where I have not only spent time in ritual with a bunch of strangers and had a blast but also spent time doing a ritual with them skyclad (naked), and spent time nekkid in the clothing optional pool, those experiences have opened me up to new things.  Suddenly it felt safe to go to this ritual.

And it was wonderful.  The ritual was beautiful, it included the God, as it should in my opinion, which pleased me greatly.  I think I thought the group would be too woman centric and not balanced enough for me. While the attendees were all women except for 2 men, the ritual itself was very balanced, lovely, lots of creativity went into the tools and items.  The weather was amazing and the sun set behind the trees the minute the circle was opened.  Pretty amazing.  The feast that everyone contributed to was astonishing in it’s variety and goodness.  So many delicious things to eat and smell and enjoy. 

And one woman, who I am acquainted with, came up to me and said “The Pouch Lady! Look! I have one of your pouches!”  and she produced it there on the spot.  This happened almost immediately upon arrival and my sense of belonging settled right into place. 

I can’t wait to go to the next one.  And the next one.  I can’t wait to get started on the items I will donate this year.  They will be competing with all the homemade Yule presents I am making as well.  Which means I really must make sure not to spread myself too thin with the 2 year  volunteer thing.  I think that the next event (end of September) and teaching the first week of October will be enough.  I will put all of my energy into getting classes set up (not much to do there at all) and then be able to somewhat coast.  And finding a deputy who wants to learn how to do what I’ve done and begin to step into my shoes so that they can take over when my time is up.  Yes, time to find an Organization Deputy.

I’m full of all kinds of ideas for pagan crafts, my cup runneth over.  To steal a quote from a God of another pantheon.  What really runneth over is my pocket as it is full of the first acorns of the year.