I’m sitting here snacking on my new favorite snack. Apples with peanut butter. Thanks to sanguis_bella!

What an interesting week it’s been. Everything from snuggles with my honey to an almost disastrous dye attempt which succeeded better than I had hoped. Bright obnoxious red to a lovely deep autumn leaf red.

Yay! This is the lovely twill weave wool I will be using for my over tunic for the Yule Feast on December 8th. It is a very light weight wool, summer weight even, and the drape is amazing. Love sewing on stuff as lovely as this. I got it at Joann’s a few years ago for about $2 a yard and wondered what I was thinking getting something that shade. But the hand was so yummmy and I can’t resist $2 per yard wool. So, yesterday it was me, the wool, a washing machine, and a bottle of Rit Dark Brown. When it came out of the washing machine blotchy and several different shades of red.  Gah! I was so upset, trying to think of how to fix this before I set it with heat in the dryer.  I tried to just get in the flow of things and see what came to me.  Contrary to what I thought, the first solid thought (after Fuck!) was to put it in the dryer.  I think now that some areas were wetter after the spin than others because in the dryer, it came out even.  I was so relieved.

All mundanities aside, something very interesting happened while I was at the Spiraldance with The Ex over a week ago now.  We were sitting at our table discussing dancing.  I love to and he loves to but he doesn’t feel good at it.  Used to be I only felt  good at it when I was drinking but that is no longer an option.  So.

We’re watching people and I’m pointing out that if you look at each person, they all do it differently and how cool that is.  And suddenly I felt like I was channeling someone who began talking about spirit and how the main reason we incarnate into bodies is so that we can take those feelings we have and express them physically.  That it doesn’t matter how we dance just that we do dance.  My arms start flying around demonstrating how very cool it is to move a body in any manner at all.  I felt very weird, both in and out of my body at the same time.  The room around me became very surreal and if ever I felt between the worlds it was at that moment.

We went out onto the dance floor very soon after that (yay I have a boyfriend who will dance with me!)  and I decided to see if I could continue that feeling.  I closed my eyes and purposefully sought to let my separated ego leave and let my spirit in the body take over.  It felt incredible.  I didn’t even have to listen to the music, it was as if my body intuitively knew what to do.  And I think that is actually the truth of it. My body DID know what to do before my mind thought it.  The Ex was amazed at what I was doing and I was too.

I’ve been reading some blogs that sometimes discuss spirituality and dance, Dancing Down the Moon being one of them.  And I’ve been really taken with her descriptions of the God showing up at these times for her.  I started looking into some of my past inspirations such as Gabrielle Roth.  I’ve ordered a DVD on ecstatic dance that she has and have checked out some CD’s from the library.  I’m very eager to get started on this. 

This past Saturday I met with my sponsor to do my 5th step. We didn’t get that far and we were both exhausted by the time we were done.  But lots of discussion happened.  I’m totally open in some areas and clearly not in others.  Like life, like dance, there is an ebb and flow going on here that I’m trying not to interpret or judge but just be in.  It’s a challenge for me indeed.

To be honest, I’m getting a little tired of discussing manifestation.  I think that, while I believe in the Law of Attraction etc and that we do create our own realities, I’m not convinced this is the correct approach for me.  I’m much more drawn to looking at life energy from a different angle.  More about the idea of being in the now, just letting go, flowing in the stream.  Forget about purposeful (or unpurposeful) manifestation. I doso much better personally if I can just flow.  Just stay in the moment.   To be fully present as spirit in my body.  Because sometimes I feel as though I’ve just awoken and I can’t believe what I did while I was gone.  Gotta stay grounded and in the body before I even worry about manifestation.  Granted, the two are connected (everything is connected, there is no separation) but I need baby steps I think.  One thing at a time.  One day at a time.

I plan on doing what I did on that dance floor as much as possible.  Just be and let separated ego go away.  As long as I’m in the moment as much as possible and remember to pause when agitated I do pretty darned well. And also remember that everyone is spirit in the body, everyone is Divine.  But it sure isn’t as easy as I make it sound.  I have to actually be paying attention to what I’m doing.  That is the real challenge, the crux of it for me.

I recently told you all about one of my favorite new CD’s, Blessings by S.J. Tucker.  Among the many songs I adore here, this one spoke to me the most.  Here is my favorite part of its simple lyrics…

That’s what works for me.  I’m going to keep trying this dance thing.