It came to me the other day that I’ve spent so much time focusing on the mundane world since leaving my job in a failing economy and not being able to kick start my joy that I’ve stopped spending as much time with my pagan sisters and brothers and myths and thought processes, ritual and gratitude, mirth and reverence.
In 10 days I will be facing the threshold of my first initiation into a British Traditional Witchcraft coven. I’ve had several experiences in this lifetime that I consider initiatory but not this particular one. I’ve been a seriously practicing witch for goodness, over 25 years now, but knew at the age of 11 when I read Diary of a Witch by Sybil Leek that I was one. It just took me a long time in the 70’s and 80’s to find you all.
Since January 2007 I’ve been experiencing grief. Catalystic experiences. The cleansing of years of pain caused by my addictions to alcohol, drugs, and the confusion between sex and love and lust that existed within me. There was a lot of stuff to process. I thought I had processed some of it already but, as in witchcraft, we in the program also believe in peeling the layers of the onion of our psyche. I’m grateful for that melding of belief and action. I feel that in the past two years I’ve peeled at least very closely to the core. I’m sure the next few years will bring about more opportunities to get to the core.
My High Priestess (and soon she will be so in a very official way and I can hardly wait, I will call her MHP) and I were talking about this recent and brief love affair. And while my sponsor equated my relationship with The Forgiven as a test waffle, we decided that the relationship with The Forgiven was much more than that, a cathartic and anger inducing relationship that eventually found me some healing from ALL my anger inducing relationships, and they were legion. And that M., dear newbie M., was the test waffle. Which had it’s blessings as well as its pains.
During the last few months as I worked on my ritual tools and clothing and writings, preparing for March 11th, I put the work off. I forgot about the big event. All I could see was sadness and toil and disappointment. And one day I didn’t. And within 48 hours I had completed all the work and turned it in to MHP.
MHP and her HP have begun a third Outer Grove training sessions and I’ve started attending every Thursday. And I’m feeling incredibly better. I’m back on track. One of the Elders who knew me from my own OG said I look so bright. I know my aura is much improved. And MHP? She said, that yes, I am bright and I’m hers. muwahahahahhaha. And that made my day.
The house is a chaos zone as I get ready to move into my folks house. I can see that the storage units aren’t going to fit all my furniture (the boxes yes, some of the furniture yes, but not all) and so some decisions need to be made before the 6th. My friends Chris and Russell are helping me move stuff into the storage boxes Tuesday evening and then I begin sleeping at my parents home. on Saturday Rob will help me take care of all that is left to go to my parents, the person who bought my bookshelves, and the local thrift store. And instead of being sad about this I am feeling not only a sense of relief but a sense of excitement.
I’m seeing this as a transitional period. My life is probably going to change a lot and I see this time as a time of adjustment, safety, a time to spend time with my parents because they are now in their 80’s and who knows how long I will have them in my life. A time to regroup, restore, rejuvenate, rediscover.
I trust MHP’s divination and have been using that as a visualization to further chances of things really turning around in May or sooner. New job, new love, lots of sugar cuz sugar I needs me some sweetness and I’m doing all I can to manifest that in positive and sunny ways.
I’ve been sick this week, very sick with a very nasty cold. No energy, no deep breathing, lots of coughing, lots of the nose blowing, and I’ve not got in any physical exercise. It was all I could do to work on what I have to do for the move. And I can’t wait to get out of the house tomorrow for a bracing walk. I’ve missed a week of my daily devotional walks and that means I’ve missed a week of new spring burstings. The tulips are 6″ out of the ground, the daffodils are going to bloom in some areas any day now, the crocus, the robins, the forsythia… I don’t want to miss any more.
Spring is coming and I feel excited. Joyful. Like I could sing. I’m renewing my spirit and devotion with witchcraft. I’m renewing my faith that all is well. I’m renewing my joy at being alive. This is going to be a very good year. I can just tell. Rocky start obviously but also full of promise.
Saw this great little piece on Witchvox this morning and wanted to share it with you.
Pluto in the Offseason
“But all things have a mirror side. For one thing that is gained; another thing is sacrificed. For one thing that is celebrated; another thing is taken. Every mirror has a side that you don’t see, and Demeter’s myth is Hades’ myth as well.” To read the entire essay, click here…