A week and a half after initiation I can tell you that life is different. I still don’t have a job and still live one day at a time regarding my finances but I feel much better in general about life in general. I do have a support frame that I didn’t have before and while I can’t explain it I feel it there, bouying me up. But what I’ve really noticed is that I am having magical doors open.
What this means is that I now have access to people and information that I did not have access to due to the nature of oath based BTW (British Traditional Witchcraft). While I obviously can’t share exactly what that is, I feel I can at least state that I have access now. There are some email lists that are private that I’ve been invited to. And the discussions on these focused email lists are so different from what I have found previously. I think this is because they are not public. Discussion is interesting, compelling, and rational, no flaming, no silly fluffy ridiculousness (which can be fun and is a necessary phase I think of learning, it does get old after awhile). And I find myself not only reading every post at the moment but internally jumping for joy to be a part of this.
My mother and I are having good conversations. She came into my room yesterday, where I spend a lot of quiet time, to tell me she loves me and how grateful she is to have me here. Dad is not on the ball anymore, there is mental slippage and he’s in that phase where he knows he’s slipping so he’s frequently frustrated and irritable. It’s good to know that I can help them both. I help in the kitchen, with household repairs, financial decisions, and things like washing the kayaks and taking photos to get them ready for sale. I feel useful in several areas of my life these days and that is good. Tonight we watch “Young @ Heart” and tomorrow is “The Secret Life of Bees.” Movies nights are always a good way for the three of us to enjoy each other’s company. With popcorn. And butter. And for them, root beer floats. Life is simple and good.
I’ve been working on positive attraction stuff of late, a lot of it. And little by little I’m getting business nibbles that I think will be turning into bites and checks. Not enough to make me want to continue as a freelancer but enough to give me hope that I will get through for just a bit longer until the job comes. It’s on it’s way, I just have to stay in faith and write better cover letters.