It doesn’t have to be Miss USA. It can be that first wood box you burned for your beloved nephew on a whim. It can be getting out of your bed and doing your exercises because they amputated both of your breasts and you will never be the same, forever changed against your will and you still have chemo and radiation to endure. It can be deciding not to kill yourself five minutes before the miracle even though you’ve been going for a miracle for 5 years. It can be anything you want it to be. Your goals don’t have to be like someone else’s and they don’t have to be larger than life or in public or even known by anyone other than yourself.
When I got sober, my mantra that got me through those early days wasn’t the serenity prayer. My prayer every day all day every minute was, “please God, let me be nice.” After 24 years I might be finally getting there. And I no longer need to share with anyone how that manifested in my day.
I *still* say that prayer and I *still* get cranky. Yesterday was one of those days. At 4:15 I told myself I was going to figure out the deeper meaning of Control Source while changing an Access report someone else built so it would be useful to me *before I left for the day at five.* I’d been struggling with this report off and on for 3 weeks. And at 4:50 I figured I it out so I can move on to the next step of editing the report. I didn’t accomplish all that I wanted to while my boss has been on vacation, nope, but I learned something about myself in my struggle with that Access report. I learned to cut myself (and others) some slack.
The small things are NEVER small.
Never, ever, give up. Even if it’s just deciding to stay alive one more fucking day even if you don’t know why.
P.S. By all means dream big too! Just don’t invalidate your “small” victories!