The new and improved partner list

Tired of the bloody man list. Tired of the Chicken Man. Just Plain tired. Feb 2009

This has been updated since February 2008 because we all change.

Everything I ask for I intend to reciprocate back with energy and vigor.

Emotional and Mental Health

  • Emotional maturity and mental health
  • Doesn’t need human behavioral nuances explained, gets subtlety in human communication and body language
  • Quick thinker, pays attention
  • Grateful
  • In touch with his power center, can get there when he notices he’s off kilter
  • Knows who he is and what he wants, he loves himself in a healthy way, is comfortable in his own skin, a relationship enhances who he is, it doesn’t make him who he is, except that it will bring out the best in him
  • He is in touch with his dark side in a healthy way and also his feminine side
  • Is totally ready for a loving, committed, long term relationship even if he’s not completely sure yet, he might risk it anyway
  • Courage when looking at himself and he can do this with laughter, a sure sign of self esteem
  • Comprehensive understanding of boundaries, we BOTH get them and we both have them respected, double standard is NOT allowed here although it is understood that there will be times when compromise is needed
  • Interested in personal growth and self improvement
  • Knows how to receive AND give
  • Understands that sometimes one must sacrifice for the greater good, picks his battles carefully
  • Understands that couples need individual “me” time but also understands that they need closeness too. Is able to wait for his me time if the timing isn’t great. Is able to express this need BEFORE he falls apart. Self care and awareness are very important here
  • Doesn’t get overwhelmed easily, can pace himself
  • Understands fidelity, and that it isn’t just about sex, that it is also, and perhaps more importantly, about mutual respect and honor, would never cheat on his partner, sexually or otherwise
  • Is capable of deeply loving another
  • Has friends of both genders and wants his friends to become my friends
  • Doesn’t run away and hide when important things need to be confronted but faces them, deals with them, completes them, and THEN cocoons and chills and recovers
  • When he listens he absorbs, he can still his mind, or process quickly, flex with the situation. This is not to imply that he won’t need time to think sometimes, we both will

Physical Attributes

  • A HWP, man with nice bod, no shaved heads. Kind eyes. Appearance isn’t everything but he must be pleasing to MY eye and body.
  • Cares for his body, home, and belongings with respect – physical hygiene, of both body and clothing, is important
  • Is an experienced, thoughtful, creative, secure, passionate, giving, and receptive lover, listens to his partner
  • To me, he looks great naked, lovely and a perfect fit one could say, that is all that is required
  • Has taken care of his teeth and his health, no big surprises
  • Is interested in the sacredness of sexuality, tantra. That it isn’t just about mechanics…


  • Kind, thoughtful, animals love him and he loves them, they are drawn to him
  • Likes a woman who likes her pink sparkles overlaying her dark sparkles
  • Great communicator even about the stuff that is difficult, the stuff that you know might upset your partner, open, honest, and willing, approachable, doesn’t keep important information to himself
  • Allows himself to be vulnerable with his partner, can be comforted
  • Will stand up for me when I need it or ask for it, if I’m harmed this will affect how he feels about those who harm. Not because I can’t take care of myself but because I inspire him through love and he trusts that I wouldn’t ask him to go to battle without good reason
  • Will stand up TO me if he doesn’t agree. Won’t say yes just to avoid conflict
  • Knows his way around a kitchen and has a palette that loves variety, adores ethnic cuisine
  • Pays his bills and has a little set aside
  • Cleans up his own mess
  • Treats the women in his life with love, respect, and honor, in fact all people in his life are treated this way, treats himself this way too
  • He understands that our relationship is pretty darned special and the couple relationship is the most important of his relationships (which implies quite clearly that I would prefer he not have young growing children)
  • Not naive or innocent, has life experience, but not cynical or hardened
  • Is sober or at least only has a beer or a glass wine if out to dinner, no alcohol in the house. A Normie in the slang of the program. No smoking, no illicit drugs, no abuse of legal drugs
  • Sense of humor, whimsy and silliness welcome, wonderful laugh, wit, laughs easily, makes me laugh, I make him laugh
  • Romantic, loving, public displays of affection
  • Gives thoughtful gifts, not that I want a bunch of stuff, I just want to know that the stuff I get will reflect who I am not necessarily who he is
  • Gives compliments regularly, just like I do. You look so pretty today. I love how you validate me. That kind of thing.
  • Says I love you when he feels it. Which is hopefully often.


  • Has a creative outlet
  • Pagan and magickal would be nice but spiritual is good enough, open minded is a MUST
  • Likes music, movies: romance, mystery, drama, detective stories, nothing too juvenile or gross
  • Not athletic but likes getting out and about into nature for walks and if we find the right place, ritual and sex
  • Is a reader, curious about the world, about people
  • Likes to travel, go camping
  • Likes to stay home and hang out doing “stuff”
  • Perhaps interested in working with wood, his own tools and stuff would be awesome
  • Dancer! Hold me in his arms, grind, just plain groove on dancing…


  • Has a job, one that reflects his self respect
  • Has reliable transportation
  • Environmentally conscious, interested in concepts and activities that move towards a back to the land ideal
  • Interested politically
  • Doesn’t buy into the American idea of progress, isn’t into all the latest crap
  • Isn’t arrogant, right sized
  • Lives in the same area as I do
  • Loves me EXACTLY the way I am, warts and all, because he knows I’m on a path of spiritual progress and he admires this about me.

What I want for my self with this very real man, when we’re both ready for it. Besides having a partner with the above attributes I would like things to look this:

  • Commitment with purpose and meaning
  • A home that we share that has a yard and studio space for both of us
  • A home that welcomes visitors, where people are happy, enjoying holidays and other times of gathering
  • A home for our animals
  • Home life that offers security and is sturdy enough to be the foundation for all else we do in the world
  • A life partnership that gives us sustenance and allows us to share our selves and our love in a deep and soulful way

1 thought on “The new and improved partner list

  1. amen to that! my favorite part- “Perhaps interested in working with wood, his own tools and stuff would be awesome” yum.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s