Compassion vs Personal Responsibility

Yesterday I wrote a rant in response to some comments I received. The main reason why I deleted those comments was to keep anonymous the folks who wrote them. To let them save face. For me that allowed me to perform a compassionate act in the middle of a rant.

Last night I found myself musing on the idea of compassion and where does it end and the expectation of personal responsibility on the part of others begin.

For example. I know my boss is a very sad, very frightened human being. Somewhere he learned that he was supposed to be perfect. I knew that my Ex was trying not to confront SNIB, trying to make new friends, to feel independent, and to keep me happy (an impossible situation). And I do feel compassion for them. I really do. It’s why I tried for so many months to tell The Ex why I thought the situation with SNIB was not working and what I believed was going on. It’s why I sat my boss down a couple weeks ago and told him temper tantrums in my office are not only not acceptable but not legal by state employment laws. If I had no compassion I would have simply reported the boss and let him swing and I would have dumped The Ex months before we split.

I firmly believe that sometimes the compassionate thing to do is to talk to someone about their behavior. I believe that venting over the frustrations and stress that are a natural part of being human is compassionate. Othewise I’d just explode all over them and Make. Them. Pay. I try really hard to give folks a chance to look at what they are doing and how it is effecting others. Give them the opportunity to want to change.

I think that just because someone warrants compassion it doesn’t mean they don’t also warrant what I call “A Come To Jesus Meeting.” In other words, to see the light, to have your behavior reflected back at you.

At one session at the monthly Jeshua channeling, someone asked how on earth they could find it in themselves to love George W. Bush. Everyone laughed and then very seriously waited for the answer.

We were told that George W. Bush Jr. is perfectly all right with the universe. He is doing the job he contracted to do before incarnating, just like we are. Just because we don’t like him or what he’s doing, doesn’t mean he isn’t perfect and Divine just as he is. There was a collective groan. Then Jeshua says, the job he contracted to do before incarnating (or reincarnating whichever it is) is to wake us up out of our lethargy. To screw things up so bad that we finally have to wake up out of our denial and make some serious changes about how we tred on this planet and interact with its inhabitants. Suddenly my point of view completely shifted and not just towards George W. Bush. But regarding everything, living or otherwise on this planet. I keep my opinions on some of this to myself because they don’t half upset some folks.

Try explaining to someone that the polar bears volunteered for this plight to show us the error of our ways, because their plight, more than many others, breaks our hearts. Al Gore’s little cartoon made us cry and kept us up at night. But from where I stand even if polar bears cease to exist here on earth, truly a sad thing and a major loss, the spirits of the polar bears are incarnating somewhere else, happy as they can be, if they choose happiness. We are not really losing anything. Nothing ceases to exist, it changes how it exists. There is NO separation. Now don’t go off thinking extinction and global warming don’t piss me off. Boy Howdy do they. This is where the line between compassion and personal responsibility and how we play with each other in the Universe, how we really are masters of our realities comes into play.

This shift in my thinking is why I do not feel any qualms about banishing SNIB. I think it interesting that folks often say things to me like “but you brought SNIB into your life for a reason, to teach you something.” And I agree with that wholeheartedly. But no one ever says “SNIB brought you into HER life to teach HER something.” And that is the question I tend to ask myself just as often. What is this person in my life to teach me and why am I in their lives? To teach them what?

How is my banishment of SNIB a compassionate act? It is compassionate to teach the person the lesson they contracted with you before incarnation to teach them. Not to fall down on the job. I believe SNIB brought me into her life to teach her about having compassion towards the feelings of others and not to just go for what she wants and the devil take the hindmost. Her actions hurt me deeply. But I learned from that experience and will not have to suffer that again. Now it is time for her half of the bargain. “You are not welcome at Beltaine, perferably OLOTEAS, because of your actions. You have no business being in a ritual circle with someone you set out to harm.” To ignore her and let it go and to just go off into some other area of my life, from my point of view very well might mean that I am not doing my job when it comes to SNIB. How do I know which action I’m supposed to take? I have to follow my heart.

Is your brain hurting yet?

And I have to say, and meant to, in my post about finding my bracelets that I felt that I had received approval regarding the banishment and protections spells. Because the only reason I was in that box at all was to do those spells. And to find my beloved bracelets felt like a reward.

I do see it as an assignment to learn to be compassionate to WHY folks do what they do, to have understanding and sympathy. But that doesn’t mean that they get a free pass just because I understand. The next compassionate thing for me to do is allow them the opportunity to grow through taking responsiblity for their actions. In only one case in recent memory have I had to chose to just walk away.

Any way that is what I was thinking last night and this morning. Hmmmmm.

P.S. The Ex wrote yesterday and he told her to not go, that she wasn’t welcome, and why. And in many ways, whether that works or not, it felt good to have him finally do this for me. It makes it so much easier for us to continue trying to be friends. And you know what? I kind of doubt she’ll show.  The weathe was supposed to be cold and rainy and now they are forecasting sunny and warm.  I’m taking that as evidence that I’m changing the reality of Saturday every day.  That I will get exactly what I need.  And so will SNIB.

4 thoughts on “Compassion vs Personal Responsibility

  1. Um, wow. I just had my own little light bulb moment on personal responsibility and then you post this. You took that moment and expanded so much farther. I’m in awe of what I am getting out of this. This may take me a bit to fully process.

  2. hi, its interesting reading this. I agree with you whole heartedly, I believe there are no victims and we each set out to do our purpose in this world for good and bad and we always have the choice to stay in hell or grow out into a happier place.
    I have often wondered about the world and sadly thought exactly what you said that like a sick person who has to get so sick they nearly die before they take responsibility for the choices they make for their body we as a human race would treat the world the same way. On the other hand I have hope because life always finds a way to surge forward, might change its form but it will always go on. Cockroaches for example!
    Your anger or rather not anger but your fierceness scares me a little. I am no good at confronting things, I am only learning now and yes I after thinking about it it is a diservice not to confront someone. I need to learn to confront my own anger first though, so i can be comfortable getting angry with others. I have been living with a teenage boy who is my boyfriends son for the last three years so it has been good training for me to know how to channel it effectivly. I admire your energy.
    So thanks for the lesson! and good luck at your fair

    For what it’s worth, I’m never comfortable getting angry at someone. I HATE confrontation. I just realize that as a recovering alcoholic I needed to be confronted in order to grow and in my case, survive. SNIB really wants to move on and forget about it. She is mad at The Ex for telling me she was planning on going. Oh well. She isn’t the only one whose feelings matter. And why she would want to be in a circle with me, connected that intimately knowing I hate her, just boggles the mind. She really wants me to just forget it all happened. I just can’t do that. But do I like this? Nope. I’m just getting better at it over the years since I keep finding myself in situations that warrant it. Guess it’s one of my life lessons. Stick up for myself.

  3. anger is a funny one, so necessary and yet so misunderstood. I think it is deeply connected to our own centre of power. A tool to change our world.

    Maybe you have done this already but you could do a counter to the banishing and do a huge attraction charm from love to make sure good energy comes seeking you to fill the space you have made by getting rid of her?

    I never stop doing magic for the good energy and healing. That is an ongoing project so to speak. Her negative energy will naturally dissipate as I heal and one day I’ll say “Who’s that?” I’m a firm believer of letting things follow their natural course. One day I won’t even care if she shows at OLOTEAS.

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