Okay, I’ll try.

I’ve lost 20 pounds.  That should just be said first and foremost.  And it isn’t really the best way to loose it. I try to eat. Really. Had pork roast and mashed taters and brocolli and salad at my folks house the other day.  Had Indian food for lunch yesterday, spinach and paneer and butter chicken with rice.  But most of the time I’m simply not hungry.  But I do make myself eat.  The main thing I’ve done is cut down on my portions and stopped eating an entire huge bag of Tim’s Jalapeno Chips in a day or an afternoon or hey, an hour.  Which I’ve been known to do often.

But the truth is I’ve lost my appetite.  And not just for food. I’m walking through it. Acting as if. Some days I’m the sad or the apathetic…

And sometimes? I am the angry.

Sometimes this, which is, at least to some, sexy:

But this a pagan blog so perhaps this is more like it:

I try to wear a smile but many times it just looks like this:

So I carry on.  I talk to prospective clients.  They don’t write checks.  The head hunting agency gives me another red herring. I apply for work.  I wish it wasn’t snowing so I could go for a long vigorous walk (because that really helps my mood).  Do what I have to do to get through each day. One day at a time.  But my spark feels a bit hidden of late.