I did a celtic cross today with the Llewellyn Tarot and the cross card was Judgement

Hearing the call to a new life. Resurrection. Rebirth. New perception and purpose in life. A reawakening. Renewed enthusiasm. A rising destiny. Unexplored path. Invitation, recognizing new opportunities. Creating a new philosophy and purpose. Reaching a crossroads and assessing one¹s past life, motives, values, and progress. Rite of passage. Evaluating one’s moral conscience and questioning what one has believed and valued up to this time. A clearing away of dogma, outside expectations, propaganda, and conventional, unquestioned wisdom that has accumulated and entombed one’s life. Self-evaluation. Expanding vision and philosophy. Accepting responsibility for self-imposed limitations and how one’s actions have affected others. Having the courage to make necessary changes to bring about growth and purpose.

This perfectly describes how I feel and what I think is going on.  It’s why I’m grieving, it isn’t just about the loss of friends and lover(s), but the ending of the way I used to live. (On an aside, another friend died yesterday. We weren’t close but he was a very special person and will be well missed.) There will be the transition period while I live at my folks and turn 50.  Then the new life, however that may look.  To be in this place is difficult.  Challenging.  But I woke up this morning and I swear I heard the trumpet.

I’m in full blown sort and toss and pack mode.  Again.  But with a ruthlessness that I didn’t have before and that I have to curb a bit.  I’m so tempted to just take everything but my clothes to the thrift store and be done with it.  But that would be silly.  Of course I can’t do that.  There are things from my old life that mean a great deal to me.  Those things must remain.  But I do need to really consider carefully.  I only have so much storage space and only so much room in my new digs.  Those new digs are my old bedroom when I was a teenager.  Not much room at all.  But my needs just keep getting smaller and smaller.  Which feels good.  Most of what I’m hanging on to is about sentimental value.  Tough decisions to make in the next few weeks.