Miss me?

I’ve been negotiating the waves of energy provided by the universe.  Finding out what and how much I’m ready for.  Free falling as I live in faith that exactly the right thing is going to happen at exactly the right time.  Patience is a virtue I am finally discovering that I have, in more quantities than I ever dreamed.   Good, no GREAT, things are worth it.

Read this the other day and am proud to put myself in the Woman category:

“It is at this exact juncture that we separate the girls from the women. A girl attempts to soothe herself by taking potshots at others — “All guys suck” — and mocking her own need to love and trust others. A woman opens herself to the possibility of disappointment in love and vows that somehow, some way, she will remain open to it anyway, an extraordinary act of courage. To recognize and take in betrayal–to admit that it is possible no matter how smart or careful you are–and still choose love, is to stand on the razor’s edge between wanting safety through love (and holding yourself and your partner hostage to this need) and knowing that such safety is impossible.
~ Susan Piver

The man I mentioned several weeks ago?  Things are going swimmingly.  Riding waves of excitement and bliss and sacredness and fear and love and holy cow this takes work and I think I finally grew up and in all the good ways energy.

Life is very, very good today.  OMG.  I can not share with you the way I did with M.  M. was  test waffle #2. He taught me what not to do, again, and I have learned my lesson.  And D?  He is teaching me too and forcing me to test my vows to myself.  It’s hard living up to the principles we set for ourselves when we are wounded and yet determined to try again.  Yesterday we moved from getting to know each other and quick hugs goodbye to long, more energy laden, hugs and ripping ourselves apart at the door.  No innuendo there, just energy passing intensely with very little physical connection but more than before.  The conversation changed dramatically today and D. and I have much to talk about indeed.  He talks as much as I do and this is going to be good.  I can feel it in my bones.  We both need time, are both damaged from past disasters and so are taking it very slow and I’m liking that a great deal.  I’m in a constant state of heightened awareness however and the sleep is not happening as much as I need it to. 4 hours a night for a week is kicking my butt.  Tonight I hope to get some domestic things in order and then crash like a big dog in preparation for our midnight rendevous Friday night.

Oh, and the job still rocks too.

3 thoughts on “Miss me?

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