Last night when I got home from work I decided that I needed more than a meeting. I wasn’t in danger of drinking but I did need to do something.
I called on the powers of air to aid me. Using sound, scent, and voice, after casting a quick circle around my permanent altar, I told the negativity and stress to leave my life and when I felt that work was done I requested calm and peace to enter it. I made two promises to myself. That I will try very hard to take the highroad when in any communication with the boss and that I will do all I can not to engage when he sets the bait on the hook. Easier said than done but I’ve done this before and having a plan makes it easier to remember if I start to go there…
And the winds began to blow shortly afterwards. Last night as I was reading in bed before sleep I could hear the soft pitter patter of rain on the blackberry leaves outside my bedroom window. Aaaaah. That is one my favorite sounds ever in the whole wide world. That and the fallen and dry blackberry leaves rustling in the autumn winds. I love the sounds I hear outside my window when drifting off too sleep. Today the sky is blue with white puffy clouds and the chestnut tree blossoms are scenting the little park by my office in a heavenly aroma. And everything is better. Different and better.
At lunch I was speaking at work with LHOG who says he prefers to be known as God’s Rottweiler (Pope Benedict reference). You got it. Anything for you. I can call you that. I am really a very lucky person.
This fellow, God’s Rott for short, is a Latter Day Saint member. He knows I’m a Wiccan. In fact, when I said that I was a pagan he asked if I was Wiccan. He seems to know a lot about us. In an accurate way. This doesn’t really matter or pertain to the question at hand except to illustrate that I believe I am working with a very level headed person who is able to see, really see. He even knows about the Jeshua thing (which he withheld comment on) but he laughed as hard as I did when I told him that Jesus and he agree, that I am here to teach my boss something. Yes, GR said that and so did Jeshua two months ago. I feel that I have an ally even though officially he can be no such thing in any biased way. But his way of disseminating information that I need to proceed in this swamp of a work situation is nothing short of magical and I am in his debt. When this is resolved, there is the best chocolate in town in his future.
He met with my boss this morning for 90 minutes. He can not tell me what was said as it is confidential as are my meetings with him. Which is cool, I expected nothing less. But he did let me know a few things. He has enough information at hand that he can tell me with complete comfort that I do not need to do anything except go to the classes, that probably the facilitated meeting will yield no results because the boss can’t articulate his thoughts, does have an anger problem, and doesn’t listen. I might find the classes and the meeting helpful but mostly it is to show that I’m willing. It appears that my behavior isn’t in question. I thought it was. A quote from God’s Rott? “They don’t pay us anywhere near enough to expect us to be perfect.”
GR told me I do not need to know what the client said because when it is all over it will matter not one jot. In fact he let me know that neither the client or my boss were able to communicate why they thought the meeting didn’t go well (the event in question that was the final straw in a bale of straw). They simply couldn’t say. All they could say was “it didn’t go well” or “that meeting went very badly.” HAR! Can’t hold ME accountable for something you can’t even articulate in any useful way. Neither of them could give one piece of evidence that could imply in any wayt that I blew the meeting. Which is what I am being accused of. Sheesh. These are PhD’s. My superiors. Uh huh. Perhaps it was pulling rank when you have none (client) and taking over the meeting that wasn’t yours to lead and offering promises you couldn’t keep(boss). Perhaps I shouldn’t be hung out to dry for trying to save the situation. I wrote up the draft proposal to the client on Thursday because we promised to send it to them late Thursday afternoon and the boss still has it sitting in his in box…
He also let me know that my boss didn’t listen to a single thing that was said to him this morning. In one ear and out the other. In addition, God’s Rott turned the tables on boss and said, let’s play a role playing game. You be Cynthia and I’ll be you and I’ll approach you the way she says you’ve approached her. He got so mad when God’s Rott told him that there were complaints against him but he couldn’t tell him what they were that I wish I could have seen it. Gave him what for with no details. He could barely see straight he was so pissed off. Har!
God’s Rott thinks that perhaps all the classes that the boss has to attend won’t help the boss because for one reason or another he simply can’t see his behavior and he doesn’t listen. He has to be right all the time, must find someone else to blame, and is so incredibly insecure that he always acts from a place of fear. Which in my mind makes him a very dangerous man. I think that eventually the boss will probably get sacked simply because he can’t help himself. It’s kind of too bad. Oh well. Too bad so sad.
And I? Walked in the sun and let the wind blow my hair and my cares away. I feel great. I’m still going to to brew up some of the room sprays I dreamed up last night. Since I can’t burn candles or incense and the like at work I decided to add some essential oils to spring water and bring them in spray form. One for protection. One for clear thinking. One to clear the room after negativity has happened. One to bring prosperity as I hope that these discussions will morph into a better job for me. God’s Rott seems intent on bettering things for me. I can do that.
While I have not enjoyed this experience up to now, being attacked at random and for no good reason doesn’t agree with me, I feel as though the universe (or me?) created this new abusive situation to show that sometimes I will be supported. That I will be heard, cared for, and that I will come out of it just fine without having to quit with no net.
I know I shouldn’t feel so gleeful at someone else’s expense but the stress has been hard on me and he’s created his own little hell, not me. I spent part of the weekend looking at my budget and my retirement savings to see if I could handle getting fired or quitting. To see that this isn’t a battle I even need to fight, that it is now in the hands of someone I trust, well I simply can’t express how much relief I feel.