I hate that if it means I was terribly wrong. It’s not really someone else so much right as it was the week in Cancer:

There’s more help available to you right now than you realize. You may have to cure yourself of an illusion in order to connect with it, however. What’s the illusion? I suspect it’s a misguided belief that you never have enough help! Here’s another mini-shocker, Cancerian: You’ve been making a certain process more difficult than it has to be. If and when you cure yourself of an illusion, everything could very well snap into place and the process will unfold with relative ease. What’s the illusion? I suspect it’s your (unconscious?) belief that success is more valuable if it’s hard and complicated.

Gosh darn it, this hits the nail on the head.  And what has it been this past week? Hard.  Emotionally trying to maintain an even keel but it’s been a challenge.

I’ve been “getting work” from a woman in the publishing business.  She knows lots of authors and lots of other folks. And when they need a website she sends them my way. But not one has turned into anything.  I thought one had though.  She’d been talking this guy up for a couple months.  In July it was requested that I hurry and make a mock website for him to sell him on the reality that he needs a website.  End of July I was told he bought it and signed on.  (she didn’t actually say he signed IT and I should have asked) Mid August I was told that the site needed to go forth by this weekend, Sept. 13th.  No content, no images, no contact with client, no check, no nothing.  Nada.  And, because I trusted her to be an honest person, I spent some money I wouldn’t have spent if she hadn’t told me it was a done deal. And see, that is the stickler.  She didn’t say “The contract is signed,” she said it was good to go.  I assumed it meant the same thing.  Turns out it isn’t good to go so she still did lie but next time I’m asking more questions when money and contracts are involved. 

It took some doing but she finally admitted that he never signed the contract. That he still has questions about the entire package she’s trying to sell him.  There is no money.

She was calling me and freaking out and trying to make it someone else’s fault and trying to do damage control. I was so mad and she was so freaked out that I did not answer the phone but kept all our communications via email.  She’s gone from perhaps she and I need a contract about how WE do business to wanting to lecture me on how contracts work. !!  As if that were the problem.  Are you frikking nuts I ask? Well not really.  But all I want was her to be honest.  No contract will make her do that.  We have a meeting a week from tomorrow but I have no idea what she wants to discuss. Evidently she’s worried that she’s lost me as a web designer.  Hey, keep referring folks to me.  But never again will I work as a subcontractor to you.  Never.  Not under any circumstances.  You lied straight faced to my face once and twice in email and once on the phone.  Send anyone you like my way. But we?  Are done as far business partners go.

And I? Am scrambling to say the least.  Scrambling to make my damned car payment, worrying about the rent. Fer Krist’s sake!  Bits and pieces are coming in from elsewhere but darn it.  I’ve got a meeting with a prospective client, another one of her referalls, and he’s a handful.  He’s the only one who knows anything and won’t let you talk. Should be fun, I know the phone conversation with him yesterday was. I also interviewed yesterday with a local headhunter.  I’m checking the want ads every day and if something doesn’t break soon, I’m going to have to take a job I hate to calm myself until I recover from this shock.

I do have one client who I’ve been working with for years and thankfully he’s reliable as the sunrise.  And a dear sweet guy to boot.  I should have a nice check from him end of next week too.  It’s going to work out.  Things always do. There is one last ditch option that will bail me completely but I’m trying not to go there at the moment.  I want to concentrate on manifesting it in work hours first.

I find it hard to believe that I manifested this simply because my visualizations were so strong but perhaps they were not as strong as the one that said “What the hell are you doing?”  I can’t believe that.  I was bit foolish, I should have had check in hand before assuming she was telling me the truth. I’ve learned a serious lesson.  Oh yes I have.

So working hard on getting my booth ready for Concentric Circles.  Wish it didn’t have a green top but c’est la vie. Maybe next year I can give it a white one. It went up really easily and my Harvest Blessings Banner (you know, the wool applique one?) hangs very nicely from the poles.  I have the table cloth, cards made, new earring sets as you saw and lots of new pouches and things.  There won’t be much to add to the Etsy shop when I get home. Why? Because I’m going to sell a bundle of stuff.  So Mote It Be.  It tends to be a goodish event for merchants and any income from that would be welcome. 

Send good job and money juju if you got it, I could be using something to pan out right about now…