The week in Cancer

Aw Jeez….

Maurice Krafft has made a career of filming places where hot lava is flowing. National Geographic describes him hiking across the crater floor of Ol Doinyo Lengai, an active volcano that’s sacred to the Maasai people in Tanzania. The ground is not erupting in torrents of fire and burning liquid rock, but is constantly bubbling and exuding. Through long years of experience, Krafft knows exactly where to walk so that his shoes don’t catch on fire. If you are going to attempt a metaphorically similar adventure in the coming weeks, Cancerian, make sure you’ve studied up on the ins and outs of the terrain. This is no time for guesswork or naive faith.

Hmmm. Maybe I *want* my shoes to catch on fire. Nawwww. Goodness, I was hoping for something a little less ominous this week.  I suppose one could say that the new project is a bit of a lava field.  Must really fine tune this offer that I’m going to give to the writer’s assn so that I don’t put my foot in the fire.

Guess I need to watch my step with this new and very tender budding relationship too.  While the rest of me is on fire, I think I want to keep the shoes.  But it is a good heat so far.

Yesterday was day two of my period. Always a shitty day.  98% of the time it is a migraine day.  And it was at least a really powerful unpleasant headache day.  I walked to the lake and back, down hill one way, up hill coming back, two miles. It was surprisingly easy on the bod.  Due to the two deaths in the last week I’ve been seriously off my feed. I sit down to eat a meal and can only get through part of it.  Just haven’t felt like eating.  Down 3 more pounds which gave me mixed feelings.  On one hand, it’s 3 pounds closer to goal, whatever the heck that is since goal is really, le’ts get healthier with no numbers involved, more about regaining flexibility, stamina, and not so much tummy.  On the other hand, this is no way to loose weight.  Perhaps the fact that I’m a bit smitten has something to do with it too. So I did the walk, ran some errands, made a list for today.  But I felt like crap by 5pm and seriously considered staying home from my Tuesday meeting.

Made myself go after a 10 minute cat nap on the couch. And M. was there.  Verra nice.

The discussion was on the serenity prayer and how we use that and other prayers in our life.  His share was really quite amazing and many people referred to what he said when they were called on to talk.  There I was, feeling bloated and crampy and headachy and all yurg and I got called on.  I seriously doubt I said anything near as profound, in fact, I’m certain I didn’t.  I think I muddled through.

At one point I looked up and he was just sitting there smiling at me.  It was almost a Colin Firth moment.  It wasn’t anywhere near that dreamy or smitten or what have you, but it was very nice none the less.  He has such a nice smile.  And it made me smile.

Afterwards, after dawdling over conversations with other people until we were both free to talk (gawd, I thought we’d never be free at the same time, hope this isn’t a theme with us!) we managed to have a moment or two.  He asked how I was doing, I had not looked my usual self when I walked into the meeting. I said I was having an off day but was feeling a little better.  He asked if my smile was an act as if smile or something like that.  I hadn’t even though about it.  I think I was smiling because, well, he makes me smile, but I’m sure that the headache was pulling the skin around my eyes really tight.

But it did give me the opportunity to reveal my evil wonderful plan assuming he were available this Saturday.  And yay! he is.  If he finds the time to get a second helmet appropriate for cold weather (his current second is truly summer only) we are going to the cabin in the San Juans for the afternoon.  It’s supposed to be sunny and 50 degrees.  Cold on a bike that’s for sure but I know how to bundle up.  I got a knee length down coat, lots of long johns, wool socks, boots.  My plan is for us to drive up, grab some lunch at this little tavern/restaurant I know that makes the great fried oyster sandwiches (they are only lacking really crusty french bread and they would be perfect), then on to the cabin to show him around.  We won’t have time to hunker in and have a fire but I can give him the 50 cent tour.  Maybe we’ll be lucky and see the resident herons and eagles while we’re there.  I’ve only ever seen the stag when I’ve been alone but maybe we’ll see some deer.  If no helmet, we can go in my car.

Then off down the coast for a bit and home.

Just in time for Bobby D’s memorial service at 7pm which I just found about.  That puts a bit of a hink in the plan but we’ll figure it out.  I hope to end up at his place afterwards for some private moments. We’ll see what he wants to do.  I KNOW what I want to do.  Is it different yet?

As M. and I were leaving the meeting he had an unfortunate encounter with a mess someone left from their dog, right in the middle of the church walkway.  It was dark, who would think. He took it well and thankfully there was a lot of grass.  He just didn’t get all that mad although I know he can, he says so, I believe him. But there we are talking while he tries to clean his boot, no easy feat when you’ve got lug soles, and something flipped inside me.

Until now he’s been a good friend who’ve I’ve been attracted to.  I like him, a lot, he turns me on physically, we like to talk to each other a lot, but I was surprised that when I plumbed the depths of my feelings that I wasn’t feeling more than that.  Another really good reason not to move too fast into anything.  I was puzzled by this actually but didn’t spend any time worrying about it.  Figured time would tell.  And last night as we’re laughing and talking and he’s wiping his boots the flip happened.  That wonderful little *ping* will be forever linked with dog shit.  Darn Universe, do  I get any truly sublime moments in this life?  *laugh* It figures that I’d have a ping over something so frikking mundane.  I can admit that I am smitten.  Tis official.

Adj.    1.    smitten – affected by something overwhelming;
2.    smitten – marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness;

I’m going with #1.  Some other dictionaries say profound love but I don’t think that is smitten.  I think smitten is a pretty strong first feeling, a bit overwhelming but in this case not foolish or unreasoning.   That is how I’m using the word here.  Read nothing else into it.   And I am perfectly satisfied with this, smitten with being smitten perhaps.  Glad that little spark lit into a flame.  A nice little flame gently and patiently waiting for a little more fuel and a little more air to just whoosh into a conflagration.

So.  I got a hot date in a couple hours, lots to do.  Some house keeping, some shopping, a long walk, a hot shower, some cooking and the like.  Better get dressed and off the computer.  Tah.

2 thoughts on “The week in Cancer

  1. Um, hello?!?!?! Are you just going to leave us hanging with “I got a hot date?”

    Where are the details?!?!?!

    Seriously, I hope everything went well, and the cabin sounds amazing!

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