Cancer This Week

The coming week may be one big Ethical Test for you. Maybe today the cashier at the cafe will accidentally give you $10 too much in change. Tomorrow you could be baited with a chance to gain personal advantage by betraying a friend. The next day you may have to decide between doing the right thing and doing the kind thing. It has been a long time since your integrity has been pushed and probed and pricked like this. As you wend your way through the gray areas, Cancerian, remember that sometimes being moral is not about saying no, but saying yes. In fact, one of the most high-minded acts you could make is to open your heart to a righteous temptation.

The challenge is being kind instead of right.  It happened yesterday twice.  It will probably happen again. So far I’ve opted for kind.  I hope to keep doing so.

I’m having a crisis of faith. Perhaps not faith so much. I believe in the good green earth, the energy, the feeling I get when I connect with it. But I’m finding that I don’t now and perhaps never have believed in magic. Not in the sense of working magic.  Magic happens. I do believe that.  But I am not convinced it happens because I am pushing it to do so.  It isn’t about how many times I chant this chant or dance this dance or light this candle. It just does.  And that means it has nothing to do with what I want or attempt or will.  It is less about finding the perfect job or partner or home or this that or the other.  It is about noticing as Aquila ka Hekate says this morning:

Gazing at a Douglas Fir back-dropped by the blue Highveld Winter sky – home to Pied Crows, Indian Mynahs, assorted rodents and myriad unicellular organisms – I am in full possession of the Reason. The reason we keep coming back to this Earth – whether as Crow or Human, wavelet or virus, blades of grass or rambling ivy – the pull and wonder of this place we call Home is irresistible. I am swept by a feeling of deep and rooted Love, coming from me, coming from the tree, and radiating from the sky. It’s all around again, and my sometime anger and angst at being submerged in a Wetiko culture is washed away.

That is the only magic I’m willing to believe in at the moment.  And that’s good enough, it is indeed.

When I do get a job, no matter how perfect it is for me, I’m going to have a very hard time believing it was magic or the law of attraction.  It just happened, just like anything else.  Because ?  I don’t know that I can forgive this past year and the years that are coming as a result of it. I’ve forgiven other things that I thought I couldn’t forgive so I’m probably just pissed at the moment.   Could it be worse? Yes.  Did magic keep things from being worse?  Perhaps.  But there is a part of me that really fucking hates a belief system that blames me for not having enough happy thoughts or doing the right action as the reason for how things are right now.

2 thoughts on “Cancer This Week

  1. What a beautiful post. Thank you.

    Personally, I don’t think we have to believe in magic to be Pagan. For me, it’s not about commend and control but about connection and communion.

    Have you read Carol Christ’s work? I think her writing might speak to you.

    Go well, stay well,

    Sia

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