I took a long drive today. Had lunch in the foothills of our mountains here. While sitting in the restaurant’s garden this song came on the speakers. And I burst into hard, very sad, tears. I have been looking for an answer, some kind of message. And there it was. Just as I asked. So. I’ve made a couple decisions today.
- I’m going to work the steps again with my sponsor (she suggested it, I fought it, I accepted).
- I’m going to move this blog and here it is!
- I’m getting a new email address and moving as many accounts as possible to the new address.
- I’m moving on as best I can. Feelings have been hurt all around that’s for sure. It couldn’t be helped, we both have cause, the first action had to be done. There are serious losses on both sides, some felt more keenly than others. Time to move on to the future.
I seriously thought about continuing to drive until I found a “Help Wanted” sign in some small town and hiding out for awhile. I seriously considered dying by the river. I seriously considered drinking. I seriously considered living. I’m going to live. My parents, no matter how confused they are over this matter and no matter how we disagree on it, need me. They need me. And I can’t abandon them. And Miss Mitty. She needs stability and I can’t just disappear on her. And my friend Nancy said she’d kill me. *laugh* I love my friends. This too shall pass. The wheel will turn, although I wouldn’t complain if it sped up a bit towards the top right now.
So. I’m going to do the footwork in front of me. I’m going to hide as much as I can from those who don’t wish me well. I’m going to do all I can so that those who love me can find me. I’m going to do my best to lick my wounds and get on with it. I’m going to flourish. I’m going to prosper. I’m going to send love and healing to those who don’t understand what I’m doing or why. I’m going to send love and healing to myself because I totally understand what I’m doing and why.
Tonight is the coven’s Mabon celebration and I’m having trouble figuring out what my harvest is this year. I hope I get that answer soon as well.