My dad just tried to break my mother’s arm. I had to call the cops on my own father. Today is going to get very bad indeed.
Update: Since dad didn’t strike either my mom or me (he lunged at me) the police just had a talk with everyone.
Dad decided this morning that he is going to divorce my mother. His dementia has become increasingly apparent. Mom took the keys to the car away two weeks ago and the checkbook three days ago. Dad is very angry with me because I intervened when he threatened Mom two days ago. He wants me to move out.
So Dad was threatening her this morning to give him the keys. She refused. Then something transpired but I don’t know what it was but it resulted in dad having a key to the car. Mom came in my room and told me that he had a key but he couldn’t drive away because she locked the doors. I said Mom he’s in the car right now (my window overlooks the driveway). She ran out there and got in the passenger side. Told him no. She had the passenger door open and he started backing up and scraping along the rockery. Mom is shouting no. Then I see the car stop and Dad grabbed Mom and she starting shrieking and screaming NONONONONONONONONONONONO.
I tore out of the house and saw he had her arm in a death grip. I thought he was going to break her arm. A neighbor came running, a very wonderful lovely and strong landscaping woman. She called the police first. The car was rolling down the driveway, Mom pulled the emergency brake. Dad got out of the car and came at me in a threatening lunge. He’s hit mom in the past and me as well (when I was child). Threatened me and told me to get out. I called the police. Mom called a family friend. They arrived at the same time.
They came, they were just lovely. Two of Seattle’s truly finest. Their behavior and manner was so kind, so professional. We don’t want Dad in trouble. Dad is one of the nicest men you will ever meet. But he’s no longer all there. And his violent streak which has been dormant for a long time is in the fore these days.
The cops asked him to hand over the big set of keys (what could he do) and they asked him to swear he would no longer drive. He declared he didn’t know where the second set was. They talked about diabetics driving are like drunk drivers and they will take his license if he drives and has a low blood sugar episode. They counciled him that if he hits either of us, it is assault and they will arrest him because they will have no choice. Dad’s a lawyer, he knows but I think they saw through him a bit. He said he couldn’t find the second set of keys. He knows where they are, I’m certain of it and so were the police. They took me aside outside and told me to buy a Club for the car so it can’t be driven. A brilliant and inexpensive solution. I will be getting one shortly.
Dad wants me to move out. He’s very angry. But Mom needs me more than ever and so does Dad whether he realizes it or likes it. I don’t know what we’re going to do in this transition stage. Half the time he’s totally himself and lucid and that other half he’s not even close, no way. But the only time we talk about is when he’s lucid of course and since he has no memory of the incidents he claims they didn’t happen. H’s becoming more and more aggressive, less and less capable of making a good decision. Less and less capable of managing his diabetes and low blood pressure (that has many of its own severe problems). He’s not ready for assisted living or any home care. We’re on our own for now.
My Mom’s wrist is missing a big chunk of skin, bloody and terribly bruised. She lied and told Dad he didn’t do it, told the police she wasn’t hurt. I can’t tell you my anguish when I saw it and everyone was gone. My mother is a very brave lady. She is going to contact my brother today and let him know what is going on. She agreed that I can’t because my brother will blame me. She now sees all with intense clarity and I am no longer alone. But Goddess, I didn’t want it this way.
Dad is gone for an hour or so. I’m leaving to go buy a club and to answer phones at the AA intergroup, get out of my self. Get away from Dad.
If you have any energy to spare, it is most welcome…
Its so hard being the strong one and caring for an aging parent. My step-Dad is dying and those non-lucid moments are hard to deal with. From one loving daugther to another I understand. When you can, take some time for you.
Ahhh. Good advice. Perhaps I really should take a road trip but I’m afraid to leave Mom alone. Will talk with her later, see what she wants to do.
Gods I’m so sorry to hear about all of this. My thoughts and good wishes are with you. =(
Oh my… this is so sad. =( I can’t even begin to fully comprehend what this must be like, for all of you. I’ll take some time to send some energy for strength and peace, and for more lucid times for your father as well. *hugs*
I am sending healing energy and love to all of you; may it be a balm to ease your suffering during this difficult trial. I perform a blessing ritual each morning and, with your permission, I would like to include you and your parents in my petition. The ritual is posted here: http://wp.me/p9erV-Gl. I’ve been doing this ritual each morning for more years than I can remember and it has gotten me through some very rough times; feel free to use it yourself, dear friend.
All blessings are of course most welcome. All your kind words are a balm in and of themselves. I got my parents permission a few months ago to work magical healing for both of them so I consider this to be granted. An it harm none. So mote it be.
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry for you all! I can’t imagine your pain and worry, but at the very least, I’ll be sending you healing thoughts and prayers.