What did he say about 2010

I will need to learn a lot?

Yeesh, and so it begins.  I’ve got another doozy of a boss.  The only difference between her and the worst boss I ever had is that she is willing to look at her part.  But not until after she’s ripped me to shreds. Which she’s been doing since my second week on the job.  Very hard to please.  Has insulted me six ways to Sunday and has threatened to fire me, hmmm 6 times?  Some more pointedly worded than others.  *sigh*

The lesson here is two fold.

  1. I needed to know that after The Worst Boss Evar that I wouldn’t own their behavior as a shortcoming of mine.  Check
  2. I needed to learn how to stay sane and calm.  Working on it.

Yes.  I’m still looking for work.  Turns out there is no plan to make me 100% even though that was what was offered to me in the beginning.  Then she cut the hours and the salary. I got the salary raised but not the hours.  My needs are met but that is it. No paying back the debt, no moving into my own place.  There are many reasons to continue looking for work.

Tuesday she made me cry for the third time in 4 days. In private thank the Goddess.  Thursday she said “it wasn’t until Tuesday that I started to care about you.”  And you know what I didn’t say?  I knew you didn’t care for me.  And your caring about me now is too little too late.

Jeebus but working out this work karma is a bitch.

  • I’ve worked a 4th step on work.
  • I’ve started counseling to deal with the rage the spills out when I’m treated with contempt, disrespect.
  • I just found out that benefits have changed and that I can no longer afford the counseling.
  • I’m working on way around this.
  • I’m doing all I can to look at my part, see where I can improve, and get the hell out of there.

I’m exhausted, sad, beat up, the lessons they keep on a coming.  I did an inventory on the losses of this year and it’s kind of staggering.  Nothing like Haiti and I try not to feel like a whiner.  Pain is pain.  There are degrees and I’m grateful to have a roof over my head, a car that runs great, loving family and friends, food to eat, water to drink, a safe place to sleep with my beloved Kitty Mitty.

The inventory

  • Lost my beloved cottage in the woods
  • Moved – in with a friend
  • Moved again- in with my parents
  • Dad has alzheimers
  • No income for 14 months.  None
  • Parking my car all over the neighborhood to avoid repossession until a job came.  Hallelujah! it worked.
  • Lost a good friend through her inability to live in the real world which cost me a living and said beloved cottage in the woods
  • Initiation
  • New job
  • Suicide of ex-husband  (yes they put him in the ground some time ago, but the discovery made time disappear)

It’s been an intense year.  Drinking and drugging were never an option.  But checking out sure sounded good some days.

My fibromyalgia is back.  The job has tipped the scales.  I hurt all over. I’m tired. I’m not thinking as clearly as I need to to do my job well (she’s right about that).  I’m giving the job all my attention right now and come home just pooped. Which is okay, I can do that.  I’m doing all I can not to relapse back onto food.  I’ve lost 13 pounds since Thanksgiving.  I know right now I need to relieve that stress so I’m allowing myself to eat a maintenance amount of carbs instead of a losing amount just to be kind and take that one pressure off.   There is time to lose the last 13 later when I’m more in tune.

I hate to complain, Goddess knows I’ve done enough of it this year.  Jeesh.

This too shall pass.   I try to stay positive but god damn, I’m so over the challenges.  It’s been 10 years of challenges. I’m really over it.

Honey years. Honey years.  Honey years.

6 thoughts on “What did he say about 2010

  1. Oh sweetie. I had no idea things at the job were this rocky. I’m very sorry to hear this. The slog as you say is ridiculous, I’ve felt the same way in the past year myself. I just keep telling myself there’s a purpose I’m being prepared in this way and just keep on doing whatever I can to keep moving forward. Cuz I sure ain’t moving backward, it was bad enough the first time! heh 😉

    Laugh when you can. You’re right, this too shall pass.

  2. Wow, I’m all mixed up in my posts reading. Did you change jobs or did the nice boss leave? Or was there ever a nice boss? I thought there was a nice boss.

    My very last boss was a micro-manager and there was no love lost between us because I didn’t work in the same building and often even worked from home. I had clear authority to do my job any way I judged necessary, so effectively I worked unsupervised. He didn’t like that at all, so he made me write him a memo at the end of every day citing everything I’d done that day. I thought it was the stupidest thing ever, but I did it to keep him off my back. He obviously didn’t trust that I was doing my job, but if I hadn’t been doing my job, my “customers” would have been shrieking at the top of their lungs and complaining; still he wanted his stupid little memo. He was also the one who came up with the idea that I should retire, and I put him off for a year, but when managers I respected took his side, I listened and took the retirement (probably saved my life). I always thought he just wanted to get rid of me, but he wasn’t a real asshole, just wasn’t comfortable being a supervisor of someone who was allowed to work without any supervision. He just HAD TO KNOW what I was doing ALL THE TIME.

    Now, bad “customers” was something altogether different. Because my talent was so highly specialized and I was the only person who performed the services I offered, I could confront any “customer” who gave me a hard time without fear of reprisal. Not to say I didn’t do it nicely except in the most extreme cases, of which I recall 3 over a course of 8 years, which ended with me ordering them out of my office and informing their supervisors that they were not welcome to return–ever–and to have them replaced.

    When I served on our Center’s Women’s Equality Committee, the woman who ran the committee, Dee (an incredibly charismatic woman that I worked with on lots of other programs, like employing high school students after school so they would stay in school) was fond of reminding us to never tear anybody down unless you’re willing to take the time to put them back together. She recognized that some people need to be shaken up in order to be set right, but that’s just the first step. Once you dress someone down (and always in private), you then have to rebuild them emotionally and educationally. YOU have to provide them with the skill sets to achieve the standards you set.

    The more I look back at the wonderful people who were brought into my life and the wisdom and lessons they imparted, and how that wisdom impacted how I lived and what I achieved, I am amazed, but also saddened. Do other people, like Bad Boss, really never meet these kind of people or have access to these kinds of lessons? Do they really not know how to care about other people? Do they really not understand empathy? Is humanity truly driving itself into a psychosis of alienation and rage? Why am I not the norm? In many ways, I represent the morals valued by Jesus better than do many Christians.

    Other than my last boss, I have never had a bad boss, and he really wasn’t that bad a bad boss. He never humiliated me or yelled at me or threatened me — we hardly ever spoke or saw each other! I am obviously not qualified to help anyone deal with a bad boss, and I think that’s a qualification I am happy to do without.

  3. Same boss. Just showing true colors. That last two weeks have been an improvement but so unstable it’s not worth it to stay. I need more money, more hours, better retirement, and smoother sailing. SMIB

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