Carriage Wit

Even though I know that I did everything I could to please my ex-boss and even though I know she is crazy and that her colleagues and my co-workers all said that I had the hardest job there and that she was a very difficult person to please, if not impossible, I’m bruised.  I was warned and yet I feel burned.

I’m trying not to take this personally but it’s pretty tough. It was personal.  She hated me for not being her last assistant and every thing she did showed it.  Friday was just disgusting, that mask she wore in front of the two personnel people she had in her office to fire me.   Thank you sooo much for all you did for me, I really like you as a person, hardest thing for me to do, blah blah blah.  Uh huh.  If that were so, we wouldn’t be here having this conversation beotch.

I’m so fucking angry and I feel so powerless.  This week I get to go to the Food Bank. Can’t wait.  It’s ironic that when my tax return came in that I sent money to our local Food Bank.  Can hardly wait to start eating a diet of carbs and gain all my weight back.

  • At least I’ll have the time during daylight to take long walks, that’s something.
  • At least I have a couple projects in the works that don’t need money right now.
  • At least I have my life.

But I feel woefully missing of my pride and my financial security and peace.  I had just spent $750 on Miss Mitty and me with our health.  That hurt even when I had the job.  The itty bitty shitty committee keeps popping up telling me what I should have said, what she deserved to hear.  The Scarlet Pimpernal called it “Carriage Wit,” what you think to say on the ride home.  *sigh*

What did I get out of that whole messed up experience?  The knowledge that I had the opportunity to tell her what I really thought and I didn’t.  I had the opportunity to blackmail her with some information that could do great damage to her pride and her career but also eventually her pocketbook and I didn’t.  I managed to improve myself in very good ways as an employee despite her claims that I didn’t. I also managed to find detachment and completely practiced restraint of pen and tongue.  All very difficult things for me to do in the past.

I have no idea what the future holds, I’m nervous. I’m afraid of getting depressed again.  I’m afraid of losing my belongings again.  I don’t want to go there this time.  I’m trying to come up with ways to protect myself, to stay positive, and to bring in abundance in a time of lack.

I’ve got my work cut out for me.

One HUGE difference?  The girlfriends have come out of the woodwork.  I’ve got all kinds of dates to go out for lunch or a show, their dime, for the next three weeks.  I certainly have the good girlfriends in abundance.  Yes, that includes you all.  Thank you so much for your support as I bring myself out of a tailspin.

3 thoughts on “Carriage Wit

  1. If i lived closer I’d certainly have you over for dinner, or brunch, or whatever. You are the better person for being an adult. X-Boss is not an adult. Can you eat eggs? Eggs are cheap protein. Here at my local natural grocery, they cut up their own meat and sell the bone ends for dog bones – which are actually human grade food – I make “dog bone soup” with them. I so hear you about the carbs and low income, it is very difficult. I also buy the cheapest healthy veggies – cabbage and carrots are very nutritious and even organic are less than anything else around – but I’m sure that you don’t need me to give you advice, you are really smart.

    • I can eat eggs when they are prepared in certain ways, other ways not so much. When I was a baby I reacted badly to eggs and I realized this year that I still do. But I can eat them in fritatas and hard boiled so that’s a good idea too. A great way to stretch things, a fritata.

  2. I might be really smart but it seems when I hit trouble sometimes I just can’t think too well. And I *love* cabbage. 🙂 I have no idea what I’ll find at the Food Bank but I think that no matter what it is, I can share here and trade with my mom and supplement a bit.

    Spring is coming, new things are coming, something has to change for me. And the early spring veggies should start arriving the stores with good prices.

    XOXO to you my dear.

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