Breathing

After a couple weeks of talking and revelation and personal inventories breathing is happening again.  Sleep is happening again. Eating is happening again.

As offensive as lying is, I am no one to judge another based on their fear.  I give everyone a second chance unless there are genitals involved, which there were not.  So.

Mr. Furnace and I do have the love going on and are trying to trust in that, believe me, we both played a part in how and why things when down the way they did this summer. I can not force the blame on him alone. That is the hardest part I think.  What was my part?  So we are taking it easy, going for low contact that is of a positive and quality nature.  There is hope, more than before.  I feel less damaged today.  But boy do I fluctuate between grief and fear and anger and love.

I move through my days, processing, working, trying to enjoy moments that do come that are good.  More will be revealed to me, to us, perhaps even to you.  Right now, just breathing and trudging the road of happy destiny is enough. I did add a new meeting to my schedule and that is helping greatly. I even made it my new home group and have made a small circle of new women friends, it feels very safe and loving and I need that right now.

I wish I had ART to show you or something witchy but this has been a very long and difficult summer sprinkled with sparkles and not much has gone on.

I’m coming up on the year and a day of leaving my coven and am finally starting to turn my focus back to my spiritual path. It is going to be much shifted from before and yet not.  Interesting as it unfolds.

I have a gigantic pomegranate on my altar.  My mother has given me one every year as soon as they hit the markets, ever since I was probably 8-9.  Many years.  This year she wrote “I LOVE YOU” on it in black sharpie.  It feels like a message from the Lord and Lady sitting on my altar. A reminder that no matter what I am loved.

I do have a couple projects I’m working on. I’ve been grateful for the crochet afghan project the last few weeks, it’s something to do that I don’t have to focus on, it practically crochets itself. I can still feel like I’m being productive without too much expense of energy.  I see by the archives that I bought this yarn back in February.  I put it down at some point and it will comfort me in the cold months to come.

I’ve made a lot of squares that are solid colors and some that are only two colors. I’ve got enough to put it all together but have enough yarn to make two more rows of 7 for a total of 7 x 9 squares. Cozy.

I do have a couple projects on the back burner. An anniversary wall hanging for my brother and his wife celebrating their 10 year anniversary for one thing. It won’t get done before Yule but that’s okay.

One day at a time in the moment.

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