Why is it when I say I am no great beauty or I’m sad to be bald or boob less that people tell me that I either need to think more highly of myself or they feed me some crap about how I’m beautiful inside. Or even more crap about how beautiful I am on the outside. Oh please.
I’m an intelligent, observant, creative artist who understands when talking of the human form that differences are what create the beauty but it doesn’t make one A Beauty. The sum of us plus our spirit is what make us beautiful. Philosophically this means all are beautiful no matter what. Even Quasimodo was beautiful on the inside and therefore he was beautiful. But No One would ever say “Quaz, dude, you are one hot chick magnet.”
I don’t necessarily want to be beautiful. I don’t wish to be ugly. I like to think that, to use 12 step speak, I am a worker among workers. I’ll do just fine on any given day. I have some features I like. I have great skin and most folks think I’m 10-15 years younger than I am. I *had* great breasts but too bad so sad. I love the color of my eyes and I when I’m in shape I can be slammin. But I could use more hair on the top of my head when I *don’t* have cancer, my receeding chin could use a jut. I am not currently slammin. Basically I’m a fairly attractive gal who considers my looks more in the “interesting” camp than the “beauty” camp. I am not putting myself down. It just what it is. I probably don’t put you in the beauty camp either. In fact I only put the Johhny Depp types in the beauty camp. It is our diversity, our persistence, our kindness, that make us beautiful. But when I say I am not a beautiful woman I have never thought I was putting myself down. I have other assets I admire more.
Don’t assume that I have poor self esteem just because I dont think I’m a beauty. That’s *your* filter, thinkin that having interesting, instead of beautiful, features is a put down. It isn’t. It’s humility and realism I hope.
I think I’m that cat’s pajamas most days. Do I have moments of doubt about my attractiveness as a woman? Not in general and only Doug (that’s another story for another day ) really knows what is no one else’s business.
So. Here I am. Just what I am. Interesting on the outside and the inside with enough creativity, joy, and kindness to make my whole beautiful but never a beauty. I’m really pleased about that so keep your concerns over my esteem to yourself because you know not of what you speak.