Biting the Bullet

I feel a little sad and a little relieved. The truth of the matter is, in this economy and in the future, the jobs that are out there for web specialists are less and less about design and front end code and more and more about serious programming skills. There are tons of jobs out there for web developers and the like. None of which I’m qualified for. The extremely rare occasion when something comes up that I am qualified for, well the applicant pool is so huge that it’s like trying to win the lottery. Perhaps not that unlikely, I think my odds are about the same as getting hit by lightening.

Freelancing in this economy has just been a bust. I do want to continue to get some web skills up to date but nothing more than PHP. I’m not a programmer to the bone. It’s only skin deep.

I’ve applied for other work, administrative, which I like actually, quite a bit, if the people are decent, which wasn’t the case in the job before last. But if the people rock, I’m game. But I was getting declined again and again here too. And realize that it’s because I have too much web stuff on my resume. This is tough when applying at the university as they keep one resume on file to cover all the jobs you might apply for. It was a difficult decision to take my resume and cut it to bits and pieces and highlight my administrative skills. But that is what I did today.

Last night I went to the full moon ritual lead by the coven who I petitioned to join (I find out next week if I’m accepted or not). And when I asked the High Priestess about doing this she said, “Yes!” without a moment’s hesitation. So I hacked and cut and pasted and re-arranged and tweaked and hope that what I have is a great resume for the admin side of my skill set.

I just applied for what would be a great position with a department that I’ve been interested in before. In fact, come to think of it, I applied for this job several years ago when I was working for the The Big Bully. I’m in better spirits these days and hope that my resume is more along the lines of what they were looking for this time.

Part of me wonders about this move. But the truth is, I never really minded the work, it was a breeze most of the time, I’m really good at it, it was the truly abusive (sometimes physically) boss I couldn’t stand. Yes, I would miss being artistic at work. I could still freelance on the side. But I’m tired of feeling worried that I can no longer cut the programming mustard. It stresses me out as much as not finding a job actually.

So I feel this great sense of relief. There are lots of administrative jobs out there right now, I should have a pretty good shot at at least one of them. That’s all I need. Just one.

What I want more than the coolness of being a web designer, more than the artistic part of it, is to have gainful employment, to make enough money that I can support myself and pay back some of the money that I’ve borrowed. To know that my bills are met and that I can go out to eat or a movie once in awhile. My needs have become very simple of late and I find myself satisfied with very little. Which is actually something I asked for this year. To simplify. The move and the number of boxes of things I own really showed me that I’ve got more than enough. I don’t need more. Not more clothes, more fabric (unless I need something I don’t have on hand specifically), more books. Could use a few more movies to keep it more interesting but that is a simple want.

Please blessed and gracious goddess, great bountiful god, please bring me a job that will allow me to once again be a worker among workers, to be self supporting through my own contributions.  With a boss who is kind and coworkers who are fun and interesting and knowledgeable.  A great salary, at least what I was making before at the university, and benefits, including dental and vision.  Please let this happen by January 1st.


3 thoughts on “Biting the Bullet

  1. Everything you ask for is entirely reasonable to expect, and you deserve a good job with kind co-workers. Bless you, and So Mote it Be!!

    January 1st, and not a day later, Those Who Are Listening …. 🙂

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