Yesterday as I came out my front door, leaving for my regular Friday recovery meeting, I heard crows creating quite a ruckus. I looked up and right above my head, only about 30 feet above me, were about 10 crows chasing a bald eagle. Recently I came into contact with eagle consciousness, far vision, intuition, etc. At first I was dismayed to see so many crows going after the eagle and then I looked closer. The eagle wasn’t flapping her wings in fright, doing her best to get away, fast and far. She was languidly moving through the air, towards the east, taking her time, clearly saying, hey, I’m going but only because I actually want to and you amuse me.
And I realized this is such a great metaphor for what I’ve been going through. Harried and pressured, I have just continued on my way, I was going that way anyway, and while it looks pretty bad to the casual glance, things are quite well. Even though I am down to my last $75. Again.
This morning as I was walking the lake (finally the heatwave is gone and we had a fine marine layer of clouds) I stopped in a grove of trees to call my sponsor. I had something I wanted to talk to her about which I will share momentarily. She wasn’t home so I just sat and looked around at the swallows flitting about above the water and the grasses, the robin sitting on the tree branch looking at me, the waves, and tilting my head back, up into the trees overheard as they swayed in the welcome breezes.
And a crow started a ruckus. Just making that get the hell away from my babies noise. There are people walking back and forth on the path behind me not all that far away but the crow is clearly focusing on me. Crow is one of my animal guides so I was listening. When I got up to continue around the lake that crow buzzed me inches above my head. Which actually always pleases me. I love being noticed by crows even when they seem upset. And I realized that I really am the eagle. I can see far. I intuit that things are coming, although of course not soon enough to really please me, but they are coming.
So. That conversation that I didn’t get to have. I had called my sponsor to just stay honest about what is going on and to get her take, she apparently knows the person below. I know what she’ll say for the most part but I like to live transparent and it’s good when big stuff starts moving to be connected with support folks.
Several months ago I noticed an attractive man at my noon meetings. He wasn’t there as often as I but often enough on a weekly basis. So I notice him when he’s there. While he is attractive he seemed a bit shell shocked. I thought that perhaps he was new to the program. But I watched anyway, pleasant and interesting view. I became sure he was an artist. And learned that he has several years of sobriety as his recovery date was celebrated last month.
Last Friday a dear friend of mine came back to Seattle to collect his birthday coin in celebration of his 5 years of recovery. The meeting was packed with folks there to see him. And there was this artistic fellow. A friend of my dear friend. He and I spoke for about 2 minutes and I invited him to go with us to our meeting after the meeting which is always a good time. He declined. Okay. On Wednesday he was at the meeting. I was knitting but suddenly looked up to see him looking at me. Okay. That’s nice. Then he volunteered to speak and spoke of loneliness, loss, and trying to get out and about and be around people again. But he left as soon as the meeting was over. Oh well. I understand that. Needing company and yet fleeing as soon as possible.
Now one of the ways I check to see if there is the possibility of a relationship with someone I meet at a meeting is to see if they show up to my home group. See, in Seattle, it is a tradition that we sign in on a sheet with our first name, sobriety date, home group, sponsor, and phone number. It’s optional. But you can find out quite a bit about a person from this sheet. At any rate, in all these years, men I’ve connected with at other meetings have never come to my home group to continue something. Which is fine, if they’re not interested, they’re not and that means I’m not either. It’s all good. But if you ARE interested, going to someone’s home group meeting to have a shot at more connection is a great way to go.
He was at our meeting last night. At the break he made a point on introducing himself to me, handshake and stuff. And said he was coming to have dinner with us after. Very friendly. We were both talking to other folks too but just inches away, back to back, leaning on the same car. Nice energy. When I got to the retaurant only he and one other fellow were there yet so I had the pleasure of sitting across the table from him and we had a very pleasant conversation. He is indeed an artist. Very amiable. Told our waiter that perhaps he was having girl trouble (our waiter does like to talk to us, probably because we listen) because he wasn’t showing interest and asking them out instead of waiting for the woman to make her move and that an age difference when the woman is older is of no importance. Okay. That’s interesting. Seattle men very rarely ask women out, it’s a major complaint around here with hetero women. This fella is from Chicago.
We have lots of friends in common, all artistically inclined, all somewhat pagan although most don’t identify themselves that way. Today is the full moon and one of our common friends, one who I haven’t seen in quite some time, always holds a full moon gathering on the night of the full moon. And this fellow is one of the three people who built the earth labyrinth on that property. And he goes often for the full moon to drum around the bonfire. Niiice. I made sure to express my total interest in that.
Guess what I’m doing tonight? It’s just a casual drive way north well out of the city to do something fun in an intimate setting (there’s a sauna, wonder if it’s clothing optional and I note that I will take a suit but I feel more comfortable about my body naked than in a suit, that’s interesting.) with people we both know and there is nothing said here but I think it’s a date. And I’m smiling.