So how are you doing with your year-long resurrection project, Cancerian? Have you been taking care of the finishing touches these past few weeks? If not, do so soon. It’s high time for you to officially and definitively rise from the dead. Your wandering in the underworld is at an end. Your mourning for broken dreams should be complete. In January, the age of exploration will begin; make sure your reborn spunk is ready for action by then.
Heh. Again, he just nails it. Just. Nails. It. How Does He KNOW? *laugh* It has lasted a bit longer than a year but these things are hard to predict and have their own flexible timeline. I’m juiced. Jazzed. Looking forward. In some ways parts of me have been dead for decades.
A blog friend who has been away for awhile told me today that she’s looking forward to me taking up the blog baton again. What a great phrase. Blog Baton. And my first thought, because it’s who I am, was that a baton is something cops use to hit people. And I thought, hmmm, am I hitting people with a blog baton? Thankfully, my second thought was that a baton is what the leader of the band carries. I like that. The Drum Majorette as it were. Certainly the Drum Majorette of my own life. If it was the first before, let’s have it be the second now and forward.
It’s funny, there have been a lot of things I’ve let go of this year. Some of it isn’t exactly “things” as much as “ideas.” Some of it wasn’t planned. I don’t know if I could ever say, “this will be done Dec 31 at 11:59pm,” and I don’t want this to turn into a new year’s resolution because this was last year. Let’s call it a general inventory of themes this past year as some finish up their tenure and some begin new lives.
What I’m letting go
- The need to be understood by others
- The idea that I will find everything I think I’m looking for exactly how and where I hoped it would be
- The idea that I have to live in fear
- Seeking out those who are not interested in my company, who do not respond to my overtures, letting them go so softly, they are on their own path and I can love them but don’t have to have them in life.
- Clinging to old relationships where it’s clear it’s time to move on
- Constraint, little boxes, pigeonholes, for me and others
What I’m letting in
- I can live in love, in trust
- I am lovable and the love I give myself, it is enough, the spirit gives me love every minute of every day
- I will continue to expand in my creativity
- That I will open myself to new opportunities, new ideas, new adventures, and new people
- That I will honor the parts of me that I have hidden because I was afraid others would judge me and let those parts of me shout themselves to the world. I admire those who obviously do not follow the “party line” out there in the world, they have had more courage than I. I’m talking geeks and fairies, punks and freespirits here. The radical fringe. The only place I need to fit in is my job and I have more freedom here than I thought.
- Respond positively to those who seek me out
- The things I don’t recognize immediately as exactly what I’m looking for but turn out to be better than I asked for. I’m not looking for the familiar any more.
- The freedom I had when I was younger of refusing to try to fit in when it didn’t fit ME. I know what it looks like and how it feels, it is mine, and she’s coming baaaaaack.
- More meditation, as my teacher said last night, it is the best form of magic. To continue looking at why it is so hard to trust others. Why I bristle when attacked. It isn’t about me, it’s about them, and I can stay calm and not join the spinning whirlwind.