WASHINGTON, Sept. 27 — The Senate gave final approval on Thursday to a health insurance bill for 10 million children, clearing the measure for President Bush, who said he would veto it.

The 67-29 vote followed a series of speeches by Republican senators supporting the bill and urging Mr. Bush to reconsider his veto threat.  Senator Pat Roberts of Kansas, one of 18 Republicans who voted for the bill, said the White House had shown “little if any willingness to come to the negotiating table.”

Republican opponents of the bill, like Senators Judd Gregg of New Hampshire and John Cornyn of Texas, said it would be a big step toward socialized medicine, would shift people from private insurance to a public program and would allow coverage for illegal immigrants and children in high-income families.

Senator Charles E. Grassley Republican of Iowa, said it was “intellectually dishonest” to make such “outlandish accusations.”
Mr. Bush has said the bill would move toward “government-run health care for every American.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/28/washington/28health.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Oh my Goodness. How frikking horrible. Health care for everyone. What is the world coming to?  We can’t help our brothers and sisters, only our bottomless pockets.  Bastard(s)

Check it out!

I had too much to dream last night.  At least it felt like it.  Intense.  But very interesting and thought provoking.

I had two long dreams that I recall and both of them involved me trying not to be bit by a gaggle of vampires.

The first dream took place entirely during the day and entirely in my childhood home. I was completely alone and doing everything I could to make sure I kept the vampires out.  They could ooze through the concrete foundation, were scratching at the windows, other creepy crawlies hanging around.  Nothing was resolved, I just woke up.  Went back to sleep.

The second dream took place in an unknown eastern European type location during the night.  Mostly outside in the courtyard of this Baroque hotel but at the end we fled inside to the chandeliered lobby.  The surroundings were gorgeous, very goth, very sparkly, lots of candle light.  Fountains and people milling around oblivious to all the bloodsuckers while me and a few friends are avoiding them the best we can. They pop up suddenly in front of us, fly at us from the sky, morph out of the water.  We had some kind of ray gun and weaponry that was helping but it only delayed things it never really stopped them.  Towards the end we figured out how to kill the leader, which would get rid of them all.  We got the opportunity to take him out and did so.  He kind of melted and exploded at the same time, very dark.

And of course upon awakening and remembering these two dreams, related or not doesn’t really matter, I had to have a chuckle.  If that doesn’t reflect the stuff I’ve been digging up in my process of personal growth nothing will.  It’s quite amusing actually.  And full of hope that I have figured out the special tool that will make my fear of these others disappear.

I actually feel like all this work over the summer is coming to it’s completion. It’s actually years of work just coming to a big head the last couple of months.  I no longer feel the need to talk about it.  I feel empowered by realizing that at 47 I was still giving other folks the right to determine my worth and that my actions this summer have been my complete rejection of the relationships that kept that need going.  That part has been a struggle for at least 8 years.  How freeing.  It’s no longer surprising to me that it happened in the way it. 

I will continue to practice (and hopefully improve upon) restraint of pen and tongue.  It is a good tool to have at my disposal. 

For some reason I’m feeling very free this week.  I feel like this big thing has shifted for me. It has  been a very painful birthing for me and worth every bit of it. 

And this from Rob Brezsny’s Horoscope (Cancer):

Amputees sometimes experience agonizing sensations that seem to originate in the part of their bodies that has been severed. Called phantom pain, it’s a very real feeling, although it does not actually come from the missing arm or leg. Those of us who have possession of all our limbs sometimes experience the psychic version of phantom pain. We suffer terribly despite the fact that the source of our suffering is long gone from our lives. The good news, Cancerian, is that now is an opportune time for you to heal your phantom psychic pain. You will receive unexpected help from the universe if you formulate a strong intention to relieve the mysterious ache.

As usual I am a week ahead of schedule.  Yay me!

Talking a lot about something that bothers you, Cynthia, is a pretty good sign that you’ve got something huge, and profoundly liberating, to learn.

You think? I’ve sure had the need to talk my little heart out of late.

I’ve been working on a fearless and searching moral inventory this past week and a half. In that process I have noticed one huge thing. This particular inventory is about my anger and my reaction to things. This is not to say in any way that I shouldn’t get angry. What I am trying to find out in this process is why certain situations upset me so very much. And tools that I can use so that I don’t act until I’ve had some time to cool off. So that when I break off a relationship I do it with care.

And what I’ve found is that every single circumstance where I’ve been so angry I blew up had to do with feelings of betrayal and rejection. No matter how far I go back and look at this, those are the common denominators. And I’m just not all that surprised. When I look back over my life those feelings resonate and ring true.

I was adopted at birth and one of the stories my mom and dad told me when I was older was that when I was very young there was one book I asked them to read to me quite frequently. They used it as a barometer of where my feelings were at the time. The book went like this:

Your mommy loved you
Your daddy loved you
Your grandma loved you
Your grandpa loved you
Your aunt loved you…….

You get the idea. Very insecure about my place in the world and whether or not I was wanted. As I’ve said, over the summer I have felt betrayed and rejected. It’s no wonder that when I was asked to write my Birth Story I balked. “I don’t have a Birth Story, I don’t know anything about my birth.” Even though I know that many times it is an act of love when a mother gives up a child what I internalized was that I wasn’t wanted by her/them.

Every relationship I’ve had with a man has had this at the core of it. And every friendship it seems too. It is clear that this is a really hot button for me.

Does this mean that I don’t want to be hurt or angry by betrayal or rejection? Of course I don’t want to be hurt. But does it mean that I shouldn’t be angry when maligned? Not at all. The only point here is to make sure that I feel really good about my own actions in the situation. For instance I wish that I had just let that one friendship die the quiet death it was already in the throes of. No emails or phone calls from me and it would have just gone away. I would have still been hurt but I wouldn’t have had to add to that pain the ugliness of hearing my anger ringing in my ears (or fingers as it were). I made amends almost immediately for my actions but I would prefer not to have to go there.

So. I will be talking with my sponsor at some point in the next week or two and begin finding out if there other issues here. And what actions I can take to heal those feelings. Mostly I want to find restraint of pen and tongue. But I also liked what the Note from the Universe said this morning. LIBERATING. Yes, I like that word. Very much.

Last night in my 12 step meeting I was moved to say this (paraphrased muchly) when I was called on:

And you who seek to know me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not,
unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself,
you will never find it without.

And I got some serious goosebumps. And suddenly some things just clicked into place. I thought about it all night. I think I have finally internalized this into myself. I thought I already had. But…

The love I seek must come from me.

Talking a lot about something that bothers you, Cynthia, is a pretty good sign that you’ve got something huge, and profoundly liberating, to learn.

You think? I’ve sure had the need to talk my little heart out of late.

I’ve been working on a fearless and searching moral inventory this past week and a half. In that process I have noticed one huge thing. This particular inventory is about my anger and my reaction to things. This is not to say in any way that I shouldn’t get angry. What I am trying to find out in this process is why certain situations upset me so very much. And tools that I can use so that I don’t act until I’ve had some time to cool off. So that when I break off a relationship I do it with care.

And what I’ve found is that every single circumstance where I’vebeen so angry I blew up had to do with feelings of betrayal and rejection. No matter how far I go back and look at this, those are the common denominators. And I’m just not all that surprised. When I look back over my life those feelings resonate and ring true.

I was adopted at birth and one of the stories my mom and dad told me when I was older was that when I was very young there was one book I asked them to read to me quite frequently. They used it as a barometer of where my feelings were at the time. The book went like this:

Your mommy loved you
Your daddy loved you
Your grandma loved you
Your grandpa loved you
Your aunt loved you…….

You get the idea. Very insecure about my place in the world and whether or not I was wanted. As I’ve said, over the summer I have felt betrayed and rejected. It’s no wonder that when I was asked to write my Birth Story I balked. “I don’t have a Birth Story, I don’t know anything about my birth.” Even though I know that many times it is an act of love when a mother gives up a child what I internalized was that I wasn’t wanted by her/them.

Every relationship I’ve had with a man has had this at the core of it. And every friendship it seems too. It is clear that this is a really hot button for me.

Does this mean that I don’t want to be hurt or angry by betrayal or rejection? Of course I don’t want to be hurt. But does it mean that I shouldn’t be angry when maligned?  Not at all. The only point here is to make sure that I feel really good about my own actions in the situation. For instance I wish that I had just let that one friendship die the quiet death it was already in the throes of. No emails or phone calls from me and it would have just gone away. I would have still been hurt but I wouldn’t have had to add to that pain the ugliness of hearing my anger ringing in my ears (or fingers as it were). I made amends almost immediately for my actions but I would prefer not to have to go there.

So. I will be talking with my sponsor at some point in the next week or two and begin finding out if there other issues here. And what actions I can take to heal those feelings. Mostly I want to find restraint of pen and tongue. But I also liked what the Note from the Universe said this morning. LIBERATING. Yes, I like that word. Very much.

Last night in my 12 step meeting I was moved to say this (paraphrased muchly) when I was called on:

And you who seek to know me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not,
unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself,
you will never find it without.

And I got some serious goosebumps.  And suddenly some things just clicked into place.  I thought about it all night. I think I have finally internalized this into myself.  I thought I already had.  But…

The love I seek must come from me.