Prof. Ronald Hutton | Neolithic British Religion
Prof. Ronald Hutton | Neolithic British Religion
I celebrate Christmas too. Why not. My family does and it matters not to me if it happens on the 21st (Winter Solstice) or the 24th (Dad’s birthday) or the 25th (originally Mithras’ birthday). What it is all about for me is love. And man, I’ve had it in abundance this year. It has been a very trying year, full of stumbles but also full of growth and the more I grow the better it gets and the better I handle the stumbles.
The issue with Mr. Furnace’s ex played out to its conclusion last Friday and things got back to normal. We continue to create a solid foundation for our relationship based on love, common beliefs, and a range of other things. Neither Mr. Furnace and I have much money, especially not this year, and so it was all about the love.
I have had a blast this December making things for people I love, going to a lot of meetings, and man, the love has been coming back to me a thousand fold. Seriously. If I had 2 friends last Christmas I have dozens this year. I’ve received a slew of yule cards with some really amazing notes in them. One white rose. Hugs. Wonderful lunches with friends after the noon meetings. It’s been very festive. As you know, I even decorated my home this year.
Mr. Furnace invited me to spend last evening with his closest friends. An honor on so many levels. I did not take it for granted that I would be included in anything of his usual activities. Oh my. We had a total blast. Man. Prime rib, crab, artichokes, appetisers, sugar, savory, a feast to behold. The energy of these folks was so warm, so loving, so generous. We had an absolutely fabulous time. And then we went to Mr. Furance’s house.
Where he and I opened presents, ate leftovers, zoned out, a little massage, a lot of laughter.
I got home with the words “best christmas EVER as an adult” on my lips. Best. EVER.
And I just got invited to his parents house for dinner. A surprise, total surprise. I figured he wasn’t ready for that but suddenly he is and I’m dressed and passing the minutes until it’s time to go.
I have a job interview on the 3rd for a job that would be a plum. A feather in my cap. The best job ever to put on my resume. And somehow something is feeling very right. I never thought I’d get the interview so have to say it’s an honor to be nominated but I just has this feeling. Light your candles for me, this one matters and not just because I need employment. This one MATTERS. And yes, if I were to get it, it would have been worth the entire last 3 years.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!!
Love you all bunches and bunches and may your season be filled with lots more of that!!
I’m watching folks express their frustration with Christmas and I totally understand how the materialism and difficult memories can get a person down, I really do. The son I gave up for adoption turned 29 yesterday. I hope he’s well.
That said, it isn’t really Christmas that is the problem. None of us have to go to shops or watch the tv or, if we do, listen to the commercials. This season has been one of the best for me. Can’t remember the last time I felt so loved. I just can’t. So many good people around me right now.
As a pagan who sometimes calls herself a witch, yeah a real one, I have to say that I am on the side of the rebel Jesus. Anybody who goes into the banks and money lenders and gives them Hell, a come to Jesus meeting so to speak, who goes against the status quo, fights against iniquity, organized religions, who says God is LOVE, well he’s all right in my book.
Happy Birthday Jesus. Thanks for all you do. 😉
P.S. Protect me from your followers! Thanks Dude.
Thanks for all your love!!! And I have two words for you that will help me through the cold winter…
Can’t stop watching. Love. This. Thankee Alison!
I’ve been busy crafting and keeping my head afloat. Peeling layers of the onion, getting to my core. Lots of tears but grateful in the end. But man, this year has been kind of a microcosm of my 20’s. Staying a secret until I can get to a place where I don’t just rant and say things I wish I hadn’t.
Goodness. I’m still a little nauseous from last night. Not sick in body but in heart and yet not. Just emotions, emotional hangover. I feel like the Universe is also putting me through some challenges that very much resemble what I went through with The Forgiven. Challenges with a man I love and his ex. Challenges with Christmas/Yule. Challenges with memories being brought up. Realizing that I’m processing some very old emotions at a deeper level. Processing them in such a way that they probably won’t come back in this same way again. Because I really am processing and I really am seeing things I never saw and am finding other ways of dealing with things that other people do.
Mr. Furnace has an ex who is deep into addiction. He has tried for years to help her out. Enabling? Yeah. Compassionate? Yeah. Fed up? FUCK Yeah. In the past nagging about this kind of thing never got me and my partner any where. I really don’t want to talk about the details. They kind of make me sick. But I do have full understanding that this is not my burden. MY burden is to figure out what it is that throws me into fear.
In general I *love* the Yule season. No matter what has happened in the past I’ve always greeted the next year’s season with joy and open arms. But after the escapades with the Forgiven I stopped. I stopped celebrating ALL holidays, all year. I had no heart for it. I had no joy for it. I just needed regular old days in order to get through regular old days.
Yesterday I kind of burst open. I’ve been making making making stuff and have really been enjoying the holidays until Friday when Mr. Furnace’s ex threw her drama and trauma and shit and crap into our lives yet again. It is because of HER that Mr. Furnace and I are taking things so slowly. It is the damage created by her behavior that prompted it any way. Yes, he played a part. And YES, I am grateful as hell to be going slowly. But if not for her we would be in a different place that’s certain. And yesterday I just burst open.
Because she crashed and he let her do it at his place. While he was at work. She’s a thief, has stolen from him repeatedly over the years and I was just gobsmacked. Bad enough he let her in but man, left her there alone???
Because we have magically cleansed his apartment and his BED twice. We got him all new sheets and a new comforter and he let her in them. LIVID? Confused? Hurt? Fuck. I was indeed.
But I did two things differently this time.
He actually had a conversation with me. Finally shared details of these episodes of hers (which include cops and trips to emergency, broken limbs and just missed charges for things like extortion), what triggers her, and what his plan is. We had a conversation. Not me nagging and him flooding and saying nothing. That sounds small perhaps but it was HUGE for both of us. An actual loving truth telling conversation.
A bullet list of Christmas memories that are painful. Let’s go in with a given that I have several that are joyful but none affected me so deeply or validated my core beliefs of “I’m not wanted,” “I’m always left,” and “I don’t really deserve to be here at all,” like these did. With one notable exception, the first.
This time of the year it turns out holds a lot of potential for complete depression for addicts all over the world. And this year I’m trying not to be one of them. I was doing very well with this, even said in a meeting the other day how this was the best holiday season I’d had in years and until Friday it was.
Mr. Furnace and I had a very productive talk last night and he shared a great deal that really helped bring me understanding of what is going on. He’s shared a lot over the months we’ve known each other and last night he shared more. And I shared in a burst of tears my bullet list. And he saw how much damage I have from this kind of behavior especially at this time of year. Men, other women, abandonment, major loss, poor decisions on my part, too much empathy for others and not enough for myself, sacrificing my own integrity and common sense for a man. And he saw. That was different too.
I think this has brought us closer but we still have more work to do in front of us. Going slow is the only option. There is mutual love there, I am not worried about fidelity just don’t need the drama. I hate drama and yet it finds me. God, I fucking HATE drama. I have periods of feeling like the biggest gullible fool ever. I have periods of wanting to cut and run. I have periods of wanting smash everything. I have periods of massive creativity. I have periods of feeling great love for mankind, I have new friends this year who clearly love my company. I am grateful. But boy is this a mixed bag of tricks. I’m a little exhausted today. The dam has broken, the Pacific Northwest is flooding, and it’s still one day at a time. I do not trust and so far have not been given good reason to do so. One day at a time. Because that skanky bitch might be there as long as a week. OMG. I just don’t think I can take this again.
Over the years I have narrowed my Yule decorations down to a spare two boxes. I have also worked it down to a color scheme of red and white. Wonder why that is… *wink* It was unintentional but I doubt it was anything other than organic. At any rate, I love how the little decor turned out this year. Since I have nothing else to post because I’m swamped trying to get out the presents to France….