You Is Kind. You Is Smart. You Is Important.

This jewelry box took form in my imagination after the Strapped To The Gurney episode. I realized a week or so after that event that no matter how humiliating it had been there was a very important message there that I had missed.

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I HAD ASKED FOR HELP!!!

OMG!

What a breakthrough. I had done something to really, REALLY, take care of myself. I had saved my own life! From that point on, my pattern of spiraling into hell as the result of a panic attack started to change. Part of it was a change in my medication. But every time I felt the spiral start to come on it took less and less time for me to find my way out. Now, I go home, take a hit from my medical marijuana vapor pen, and call my boyfriend or my mom or one of my two best friends. I save my own life all the time now. I have stopped praying for the cancer to come back so I can just let it take me.

This box is one of the results of this epiphany, this complete 180, this psychic change. Change is a strange thing. It doesn’t happen overnight and one day I got slammed so hard I almost didn’t make it. My first bona fide suicide attempt with booze and pills. But before I got the pills in me, I called my boyfriend. My NEW boyfriend by the way. Not the pathologically lying, crazy, fucked up, brain damaged dude before (oh the stories…).

New boyfriend was there in 20 and took care of me and ever since I haven’t had a real thought about it. Not one I’ve entertained more than a couple minutes. I pick up the phone. I turn on some music. Okay, I’m lying too. I turn on America’s Next Top Model or Grimm or The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo series (Swedish version) or Practical Magic. Sometimes music. Sometimes a book. If I’m home and I don’t have to drive, I smoke out. They all make the Panic go away. Sometimes I feel like Gollum having an argument with himself but the good one wins every day now.

So. The “You are Worthy of Life” box. Inspiration was also from the book, “The Help,” when Aibileen is talking to the young girl she cares for. It is something she repeats to her almost every day, knowing that when Aibileen isn’t there the little girl isn’t loved at all. I felt I needed this for myself. Because I’ve spent my entire life getting to believing this. That I am Loved. Worthy. Kind. I still have days when I can’t but they are becoming more rare.

I have a few last things to complete, the bottom edge and the feet and then a good varnish. Then I’ll show you the final piece. This is a magic box, make no mistake. Everything that goes in it is a little charm for life, for love, and for joy.

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May Day

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May Day is Mom’s birthday. A child of the depression she is clever and frugal. When I saw her “God Box” made out of a kleenex box that she decorated with sharpies it touched me very deeply.

Both of us spent decades going to a cabin in the San Juans. It is our special place to get away and has much spiritual connection and power for both of us.

This box is a remembrance of Samish and I dare say Mom might get weepy when she sees it.

Poopyness round one

The poopyness has set in. Took all three anti nausea meds plus a pain reliever plus the pill to combat the bone marrow shot plus the mouthwash for the mouth sores I can feel starting. Pilled out fun… ate some toast so far so good. Mostly feel like I have the flu so not completely pathetic. Mostly want to avoid nausea and mouth sores, the rest I can deal with.

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It helps to have the projects going. Little tiny stitches, one stitch at a time. Need to keep the oak from looking gloomy, then red pom is so cheery… little problems.

In addition to the tree of life I’m working on a box design. It is a large heart shaped box. I plan on having a dark burned background and wood showing through, no stain or color.

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I do feel like I can do this. The fact that it’s 8 months long kind of overwhelms me but I can do this. I survived my 10 month pregnancy knowing every day that I was giving my son up, surely I can do this too. One day at a time… I have love surrounding me and that makes all the difference. Butt I may need new sofa cushions after this, there is a big butt print already. Turn and flip turn and flip. Mr. Furnance is really good at thinking of these things. He drives me, hugs me, rubs my feet, makes me laugh with the most sophomoric jokes, we have code words that are always good for a laugh. Mom is there with the food, this is the first day I don’t have an appetite. Chemo itself doesn’t make you loose weight, it’s the nausea or lack of appetite that do it.

We kind of have Valentines every day in some way. We make sure the love is right there… So grateful. Im such a lucky woman. I can be a cranky sick person so we’ve had some moments. He always accepts my apypolylogy.

I tend to leave little blurts on my Facebook wall more than posting here so if you’re curious and aren’t seeing updates here, check out my facebook wall. You will be assimilated.

Blessings all!!!
Love
Cyn

Surfacing

Goodness this has been a long 4 months. And in 2 working days the slow month of August will be here, finally breathing room at work. Which means I will relax more easily once home.

I’ve been having some conversations with some witchy friends of mine from my past, from slightly different paths. We are talking about what we want now that we consider ourselves ready for something more meaningful, more focused, less focused, what do we want, who do we speak with, what flips our switch…. It has been a highlight for sure.

My left wing is still causing me some grief and I’m itching because drawing, stitching, burning, knitting, crocheting, all are problematic for me… But healing is coming soon.

I finally got it together enough to post my 5 newest boxes on Stitch Witch Cottage Etsy. Whew! They’ve been ready for several months I just wasn’t finding the energy to get around to it.

So Mote It Be

So Mote It Be

Witches Pyramid

Curvey goodness

I really am working behind the scenes even though I’m so busy at work things are falling through the cracks, like remembering to call friends back and reply to email.  OMG.  I love you! I promise…

Still a few finishing touches to complete but this one I’m kind of in love with.  I’ve tried different finishes for a couple recent boxes and the beeswax on top of color pencils has not been a success…  So will probably use 2 very fine coats of varnish and call it good.  That’s the way it is sometimes… As mus as I love the beeswax it just can’t soak into the wood when there is colored pencil so it sits on top creating a bit of a greasiness I find unpleasant so beeswax will be reserved for the boxes with no color just burn and wood.

I could just keep this box and not share….  I know I need more of this particular style as it really makes me happy, the possibilities.  It’s not basswood, I like it much better to work with, love the curved top… And wait until you see the sides!

So Mote It Be Box

Just A Taste

I’ve been busy.  Negotiating with Mr. Furnace, cleaning the bathroom after the plumbing blew a sheet of pooey water over the floor and partially up the walls, working a month with 60% extra goals due to vacation and promotions, but I have found some time to work on a few woody projects.  I know, I said woody.

Here is a taste of what will soon be going up on the etsy shop.  Some small things and some not so small things.

I’m also working on building a light box that will help me greatly.  One of the reasons I’;m working so hard this month is to save up for a new camera… These photos aren’t bad but I’d like a bit better.

Ooooh... So. Mote. It. Be.

Teaser

Coming soon to the etsy store… This is a tapered box, not square as the photo implies. I’m pretty excited about this one. Needing to test new varnishes and finishes, see how beeswax works with colored pencils, might need a fixative first, my tried and true has been discontinued and the one I tried out sucks. This box however sings!

Witches Pyramid