But my whole summer has spiraled into this…I describe best I guess as a relapse into some emotional old stuff of feeling like a victim. And it was starting to get very bad for me actually, and it was starting to get scary, and I was starting to not be myself at work. And so, as you know, I’m in a twelve-step program, so I started working with my sponsor and taking that fearless inventory of myself and really came up with the idea that all of my reactions this summer have dealt with what I’ve perceived to be as betrayals. And I’ve dealt with that kind of issue at least all of this life (Yes) And I guess when I heard you say that I’d turned a corner, I think this part of me thought you meant that corner, and so I was very surprised to go around another corner and there it was again and you know, I started wearing a heart-shaped rose quartz in July, hoping that it would just kind of remind me, be a physical reminder that I wanted to bring love in. And it just fell off of the chain today. And I just want to be so done.

Jeshua: Right. When I told you that you had turned a corner, it was true that you had turned a corner, and you had left a lot behind you. It didn’t mean that you weren’t going to look at issues again, but in a new way. That is what you are doing now with a new strength, truly, that you didn’t have before, and that you haven’t had in other lifetimes and you haven’t had previously in this lifetime. You have a new strength and a new way of looking at it, and you have new friends to help you with whatever you need a friend for. The rose quartz falling off was most symbolic, because you don’t need it any longer. You don’t need the outside verification. Already on the inside you are love. That is why the issues have come up, is because you are strong enough now to look at those issues and to deal with them. Otherwise they would have stayed as shadows. Many lifetimes they have stayed as shadows, and you have repeated them over and over with evidence. But now you have said, “No, I want to be done with that,” and that takes great courage. That is why I said you have turned a corner. I didn’t say that you have moved into a new meadow, but you have turned a corner, and you are to be commended for that, because it takes great strength to look at what seems to be, “Oh, I thought I was finished with those issues.” You have dealt with those issues. It is a bit like the onion skin, where there is layer after layer. But you have gone through so many layers, you are getting right to the heart of the matter, and you are finding much support and much verification from others of your value. Otherwise, ones would be as they have been in other lifetimes, passing you by and not seeing you. And you have been invisible in other lifetimes to people. They just couldn’t be bothered. But this lifetime they see value in you, and they want to help you; they want to be friends with you and have you be friends with them. So you have turned a corner and you have made great strides.

Cynthia: So it wasn’t a mistake to break that off (No) I felt that I heard that from you the last time we were here when you were speaking to someone else, that saying “No” like that wasn’t the wrong thing to do. But you know, I had more feelings, I think, for them than they had for me. It’s been quite painful, even though it was my choice (Of course) I guess there’s been some doubt. What have I done?

Jeshua: You have moved on (Thank you) and it is okay. There was something deep within you that wanted your freedom, and you want to come back to that friendship, perhaps—there is that option—as a new person in a different way, relationship in a different way. And since it wasn’t changing, and you could see that it wasn’t changing, you did the only thing that one can do. It is to say, “Okay, I’ve had enough,” and to walk away from it, and then to have time to contemplate it and to be in love and to say, truly, there is not fault on my part and not fault on the other one’s part, but we just weren’t resonating. And perhaps at some other time—and this is true, it will happen, but it may or may not be this lifetime—you will come back together again and there will not be the old garbage in the way.

Cynthia: That would be nice. That would be very nice. Thank you so much (You are welcome)

I have felt so free of late.  The beginning of complete moving on began for me when that rose quartz heart fell off it’s chain.  Life is very good these days.  Very, very good.

But my whole summer has spiraled into this…I describe best I guess as a relapse into some emotional old stuff of feeling like a victim. And it was starting to get very bad for me actually, and it was starting to get scary, and I was starting to not be myself at work. And so, as you know, I’m in a twelve-step program, so I started working with my sponsor and taking that fearless inventory of myself and really came up with the idea that all of my reactions this summer have dealt with what I’ve perceived to be as betrayals. And I’ve dealt with that kind of issue at least all of this life (Yes) And I guess when I heard you say that I’d turned a corner, I think this part of me thought you meant that corner, and so I was very surprised to go around another corner and there it was again and you know, I started wearing a heart-shaped rose quartz in July, hoping that it would just kind of remind me, be a physical reminder that I wanted to bring love in. And it just fell off of the chain today. And I just want to be so done.

Jeshua: Right. When I told you that you had turned a corner, it was true that you had turned a corner, and you had left a lot behind you. It didn’t mean that you weren’t going to look at issues again, but in a new way. That is what you are doing now with a new strength, truly, that you didn’t have before, and that you haven’t had in other lifetimes and you haven’t had previously in this lifetime. You have a new strength and a new way of looking at it, and you have new friends to help you with whatever you need a friend for. The rose quartz falling off was most symbolic, because you don’t need it any longer. You don’t need the outside verification. Already on the inside you are love. That is why the issues have come up, is because you are strong enough now to look at those issues and to deal with them. Otherwise they would have stayed as shadows. Many lifetimes they have stayed as shadows, and you have repeated them over and over with evidence. But now you have said, “No, I want to be done with that,” and that takes great courage. That is why I said you have turned a corner. I didn’t say that you have moved into a new meadow, but you have turned a corner, and you are to be commended for that, because it takes great strength to look at what seems to be, “Oh, I thought I was finished with those issues.” You have dealt with those issues. It is a bit like the onion skin, where there is layer after layer. But you have gone through so many layers, you are getting right to the heart of the matter, and you are finding much support and much verification from others of your value. Otherwise, ones would be as they have been in other lifetimes, passing you by and not seeing you. And you have been invisible in other lifetimes to people. They just couldn’t be bothered. But this lifetime they see value in you, and they want to help you; they want to be friends with you and have you be friends with them. So you have turned a corner and you have made great strides.

Cynthia: So it wasn’t a mistake to break that off (No) I felt that I heard that from you the last time we were here when you were speaking to someone else, that saying “No” like that wasn’t the wrong thing to do. But you know, I had more feelings, I think, for them than they had for me. It’s been quite painful, even though it was my choice (Of course) I guess there’s been some doubt. What have I done?

Jeshua: You have moved on (Thank you) and it is okay. There was something deep within you that wanted your freedom, and you want to come back to that friendship, perhaps—there is that option—as a new person in a different way, relationship in a different way. And since it wasn’t changing, and you could see that it wasn’t changing, you did the only thing that one can do. It is to say, “Okay, I’ve had enough,” and to walk away from it, and then to have time to contemplate it and to be in love and to say, truly, there is not fault on my part and not fault on the other one’s part, but we just weren’t resonating. And perhaps at some other time—and this is true, it will happen, but it may or may not be this lifetime—you will come back together again and there will not be the old garbage in the way.

Cynthia: That would be nice. That would be very nice. Thank you so much (You are welcome)

I have felt so free of late.  The beginning of complete moving on began for me when that rose quartz heart fell off it’s chain.  Life is very good these days.  Very, very good.