Category Archives: Life in the Verse

Guardian Spirits – What Jeshua has to say about them.

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Jeshua: Beloved, beautiful one, how are you in this evening?

Cynthia: I’m just fine, how are you? (Excellent, thank you for asking) Good. Good to see you. I was wondering if you could talk to me about…I just feel that I have guardian spirits or angels or something with me quite often, and I was wondering if you could tell me if that was true, and if so, maybe tell me about it or he or them or she (About her?) Yeah.

Jeshua: Yes. Truly, it is about them. Yes, you do have guardian spirits, angels as you would call them, around you, for there is no separation, and many of the ones who have allowed the body to be released, the loved ones, are around you. It is true for all of you. They stay around to see how you’re doing and to love you, to encourage you, and to give you new perception as they have new perception after they release the body. So it can be ones that you have known and loved in this lifetime or ones you have known in other lifetimes and been very close to who yet are with you, guiding, cheering you on, and see more of the whole picture for you because, as we spoke earlier in this evening, you do such a miracle, all of you, in focusing just upon the present body and the present circumstances that you sometimes forget that there can be more. But there is always more, and this is what you have been feeling from time to time. So you have many playful spirits, angels if you want to call them that, around you who love you, cheer you on, are very happy for you for the changes that you have made and for the decisions that you have made to come through certain challenges that have been as a dark tunnel, and you have come out into the light, and they are very happy to play in the light because they know light, and that is where they love to play. So, yes, you do have several around you, mainly of the female gender, as you understand that, but in truth, spirit is genderless. But the energy is more female energy. You have several that you have known in the other lifetimes who were as playmates in other lifetimes, where you played together in the village, and they are still playing with you and still very happy that you have found a playmate to play with in this realm now, and that you surround yourself more with joy now than you did before.

Cynthia: Wow, thank you. Are any of them non-human?

Jeshua: Oh, definitely. There are ones that you would call of the legendary animal kingdom, as it is understood in this point in time (Interesting) Of course (Thank you so much) You are welcome.

There was one who had a question about guardian angels and whether they change from time to time. And yes, they do. They are not always with you for the whole lifetime, the same one. They change from time to time as they feel there is a changing of the guard, and as they are called to serve with other ones, perhaps, or perhaps they will be with you the whole lifetime. But there are, as you have understood it, different stages of life that you come through, and there are certain stages of life where you need a guardian angel—I will call it that, but it is really your own energy; but it is still understood to be a guardian angel—that is more directive, more adventuresome, more courageous, and then other times ones who are a little more mellow as you become a little more mellow; they step in as well. So it is not always the same one. Sometimes they finish their assignment and they move on to someone else.

Mor Morrigan

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I read this on the bus this morning:

“Does the Morrigan enjoy bloodshed?”

“She weeps… The night before a battle she walks the fields and shrieks in despair. She waits at the ford and washes the bloody clothing of the doomed. She begs them to turn back but they never do.”

“And then, when battle is joined, she grants the madness that gives the warriors the strength of heros, and allows them to do deeds that no man could face in cold blood. And so kings sacrfice to her for victory.”

-from Ravens of Avalon – Diana Paxson

Finally something that mentions what I’ve been sensing for some time now. That war does indeed grieve the Morrigan. And that if battle is engaged we do things that we could not ever do if we paused. Now if I can only master the trick of grieving for the fall out that MIGHT happen if I don’t turn away from the battle and then actually turn before engagement ever happens and just walk away in the other direction. That would be a nice trick.

I practice the art of walking away with dignity knowing that I am strong enough not to have to prove I am loveable.

And this from the Universe Notes I get every morning:

“In all tests of character, Cynthia, when two viewpoints are pitted against one another, in the final analysis the thing that will strike you the most, is not who was right or wrong, strong or weak, wise or foolish…. but who would go to the greatest lengths in considering the other’s perspective.”

I’ve had many thoughts in the day about that. Many. But I think they are for me alone.

Turning to other things… I’m bound and determined to get myself some autumn decor in the form of some mini pumpkins. I plan on moving my home from Mabon into Samhain this weekend. Black leaves(yay!) pumpkins, white pumpkins if I can find them, darker candles, cover the mirror…. ooooooohhhhhh  Heck, I might have to do that tonight.

The Morrigan

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Cancer Horoscope for this week

Move the furniture around. In fact, why not move some of it right through the front door and out of your life? If we’re lucky, this will get you in the mood to launch a purge of everything that no longer belongs under your roof. Maybe you could throw a Simplification Party, complete with an exorcism. Or corral your friends for a haul-it-all-away caravan to the garbage dump. I don’t care how you do it, Cancerian. Just get rid of all knick-knacks, wall hangings, funny mirrors, broken dreams, balls and chains, and formerly cute mementos that have lost their cuteness. It’s time to liberate your home.

Well then. I thought I’d done as much of this as I could. Guess I know what I’m doing Saturday. Going through the pantry. Surely I have more plastic containers than I know what to do with. Surely some of the things I have stored can just go. In fact, now that I think about it, I do have a box of things that I put away several months ago and I can’t even remember what is in it. Candle holders and other pretties I’m sure. Hmmmm. Maybe there are things I can donate to Gaia’s Temple fundraiser, not just things I made myself.

I have no intention of culling anything other than material things.  Had enough culling of people and dreams of late.

I went to the library and got my hands on the new book Ravens of Avalon yesterday and began reading it on the bus this morning. Suddenly my old passion for those times and people came flooding back into me. The time of the battles between Britannia and Rome, the time of the Druids and Boudicca. And suddenly I remembered some designs I did for clothing of that period. I want to make some clothing from this period. Something I can wear to the feast in December because I have most of it already. Just need to embroider a peplos (over dress) really. Here is a drawing that looks very similar to what I have in mind. And then I remembered my unfinished early period shoes. Hmmmm. Many things inspiring me for the weekend. Which makes me happy since this weekend is a weekend that I won’t see my honey. And I’ll need to keep myself occupied. It’s also my first weekend home all weekend in some weeks.

So. I’m reading the beginnings of this book including the lists of characters, places, and deities. Also bubbling around in my head are thoughts of how hard this summer has been for me and the work I have in front of me because of it. And then I look and see The Morrigan. And much clicked in my head. Much.

Two summers ago I rescued a fallen crow from several cats in my backyard. They had not got to him yet because the guardian crows were calling out their warning cries and it made me go look and see what was going on. In the gathering shadows of twilight I made out a deeper shadow near the fence. And then a moving shadow of a cat. I shooed it away and discovered the fallen crow. I ran into the house to get my animal carrier and some gloves and zoomed back outside. To find another cat creeping up from another direction. Shooed that cat away. I gathered up the crow, who did not struggle in any way, and placed it gently in the box on a soft towel. And the guardian crows went silent.

I placed it in my laundry room so that my own indoor cat wouldn’t get curious. I called as many bird sanctuaries I could find and no one answered their phones (it was a Saturday night). I left messages which, surprisingly, were never returned.

The next morning the crow was dead, very dead, in the little box. My one consolation was that it died in peace and not mauled by cats. I gathered up some garnets, some rosemary and lavendar, a soft towel, and placed the bird in the garbage as reverently as I could. This is what our city says to do. I wish I hadn’t but I had no other way to bury the crow. I go out into the backyard and the crows begin cawing suddenly. I tell them that their sibling had passed in the night and that I was very sorry. The crows were silent the rest of the morning.

I don’t know whether or not that tale touches you but it changed me forever. Because I suddenly realized that I had a deep connection with The Morrigan, battle queen and crow goddess. And I realized that there was a side of her that I had not heard of before. That one of the reasons she hangs out after battles was not only to scavenge but to lead the dead and dying to their peace. That Morrigan is the Irish Celtic Hekate, the torchbearer who lights the way of those going to the Underworld, She who I have been devoted to from some time now.  I also realized that I was being called to be a devotee of Morrigan too.  And my battle readiness of late, has risen again.  Edit:  My goodness, her rage in one tale was born from rejection.  Very similar to the first incident this summer.

I don’t believe that there is anything bad about the emotion of anger.  Anger can be a very effective catalyst for needed change.  Initially it can be a very appropriate emotion in response to the actions of others.  But when it stops being effective and moves towards resentment and depression it is no longer working as it should.  In my 12th step group we have a saying. Anger is healthier than depression.  So I am not questioning whether or not I should have been angry.  I was angry.  I did battle.  Now I need to bury the dead and move on.  I also need to understand what it is that keeps me from practicing restraint of pen and tongue.  That is what I really want to look at.  Because if I had done nothing and just let those relationships die I wouldn’t be so sad that they ended in acrimony instead of peace.

That is what struck me this morning. I believe that The Morrigan has been working in my life in a big way, taking me to battle.  And I don’t like battle, the way it makes me feel, familiar as it is. I would much prefer to deal with the aspect of her that quietly and reverently buries the dead and moves on.  I think she is showing up in my life to teach me that battle sucks, it is brutal, nasty, bloody, and no one really wins.  I never got around to adding her to the deities I honor in my daily devotions. She is represented on my altar by a crow bone that she left the fall after the first crow death. I know it is a crow bone because I saw the dead body (the second dead crow in two months and this one I did not discard, I left it where it lay as I knew it would be undisturbed, mostly), let the earth do its thing, and collected the bone later.  She really has been calling me for much longer than that but I wasn’t paying attention.

One of the things I’m doing to deal with all these overwhelming feelings I’ve been groaning under is to write a 4th step, a “fearless and searching moral inventory” of myself. And then do a 5th step, “admitted to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.” Now being a pagan, of course I change this slightly “admitted to Source/Goddess/God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my behavior and actions.” Step six and seven are about accepting that reality and allowing Source/Goddess/God to work in me to remove or change my attitude and outlook and hence actions. It’s possible I might also have 8 and 9, the amends steps.

But I think I also need to begin more actively working with Morrigan in her other aspects, the ones I only know intuitively, instead of just learning how much war sucks.