Category Archives: Life in the Verse

The Things We Forget To Say

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Yesterday there was a bit of a kerfluffle here on the ol’ blog.  Decided to delete it and turn off comments since the kerflufle stuff was counterproductive.  While I love discourse, debate, and even sometimes, disagreement, the rule that has always existed here is that under no circumstances is it going to be acceptable to turn a discussion into a personal confrontation from commentators regarding the progress of my journey from a psychological standpoint.  I’ve made this very, very clear.  For one thing, this is a sacred and safe place for me to talk about whatever is on my mind that day.  Start to dissect me and my beliefs and you destroy my safe place.  Secondly, with rare exception, the folks who read this blog are not friends.

While we might be amiable in this amazing virtual world, it must be understood that what I write here is biased, edited, condensed, and only just the teeniest window into my life.  You don’t know me.  Anyone assuming they know me intimately based on my writings here is making a grave error. I deliberately leave things out for brevity at the very least. As most of you are aware, I can be long winded in my attempt to get my points across but in no way does that mean that you get all the details.  I try but come on.  Accept that you get about 40%.  Put yourself in my shoes and hopefully you will rapidly see that if anyone judged you based on your own posts, you would be hard pressed to agree that they ever could possibly know who you are.  It’s hard enough to really know someone you see in person every week over the course of years.

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It’s time

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To stop being polarized in the roles of the sexes.  As long as we blame The Other for our problems we will never truly grow and make progress as a species. We blame our men, our husbands, the Taliban, the Muslim, the Christian, the black, the white… Whatever.  So fucking bored with this paradigm.

As long as we refuse to see that the way we raise our boy children is doing them grave harm and fail to find some sympathy for the horrors that they can become, that we created, we will NEVER become a whole society.   I know, when faced by a scumbag, abusive, cruel, jerk of a man, it’s hard to have compassion for him (who would want to) and remember that he was once a little boy who was good and kind.  But I’ve been around enough little boys to see how they can become twisted.  Thankfully many of my friends are raising their boys to be good men. There are more good men now than ever before.  Just look at some of our youth.  It brings joy and hope and I know that the feminist movement is largely responsible for that.

But their fathers?  Their fathers fathers? And the young ones who are still raised from a power over viewpoint?  What about them?  Have you no sympathy whatsoever for the fact that they have had their compassion beat out of them?  At least women kept theirs even after all they’ve been through.  I think that speaks to a powerful spirit in the women.

Who created the Taliban?  One of the most abhorrent groups around in my memory.  Do you not think those men are damaged?  OMG.  Just because they do the most damage does not mean they are not damaged themselves. Anyone who behaves like they do is SEVERELY damaged.  They did not come out of the womb like that. They were created.  Beyond repair?  I hope not.  Does it mean I must condone and not speak out against what they do?  NO!   I’m not saying any of that.   I’m simply saying that they are more damaged than their women.  I’d rather die at their hands than become like them.

We can continue to blame men and say that women like me have internalized sexism but  all I can say to that is, “We still have very, very far to go I see.”  We have ALL internalized sexism.  And not necessarily in the way you think.  Hating men is as bad as hating women.  I can see why you might be angry.  I can see why having sympathy for nasty men is anathema to you.  I can see that. I’ve been there. Done that too.  And it served to empower me.  But once empowered, then what are you going to do? Continue hating? Continue being mad?  Anger serves a purpose. It is a catalyst for change.  So now that you’re empowered, what are you going to change and how do you plan to do it?

It is no longer us against them.  We humans are our own worst enemy.  Love and forgiveness is the way in my opinion.  Does that mean you can never be angry?  Hell no.

“If you’re not outraged you’re not paying attention.”

I believe that.  But if you think that outrage in someone’s face will help them change then you are sadly mistaken.    Love and forgiveness is the way.  We must model to our young, to others, that which we wish they could be.   You will never, EVER, attempt anything more difficult than that.  It is THE hardest road.  The fact that I try to follow that road doesn’t make me pitiful, or crazy, or messed up.  On the contrary.  You will meet opposition from every direction.  You will be laughed at and assumed crazy.  You will told that you are condoning the evil in the world by trying to live in love.  Rough. Road.

“We’ve done the impossible and that makes us mighty.”

Keep marching, keep writing letters, keep speaking out against injustice. But the next time you get an asshole sitting at your kitchen table, show them your love and compassion and see if that doesn’t take the stuffing out of them. Just try it.  If they are still an asshole, invite someone else over next time.  I try it every day. Sometimes I fail mightily.  Sometimes I’m the jerk.  Oi.  But the days that I succeed?  Those days tell me I’m on the right path and to keep up the struggle.