Jean was more than my brother’s father in law. He was my friend. Ready to fly home on Sunday, he fell and broke his hip the night before. And passed away before morning. His poor body and spirit just couldn’t take one more hit. His family grieves while they navigate the complicated process of shipping a body home to a foreign country for burial.
peu de fleur s’ennuiera de sa petite abeille
I was probably 10 or 11 when I shoplifted Sybil Leek’s Diary of a Witch from the local super market. (told you I used to be a drunk and a thief) And I knew that I was a witch. In my teens drugs and parties and boys interfered, not to mention no one in MY highschool was talking about witchcraft or Wicca. In my early 20’s I checked out all kinds of stuff but it wasn’t until after my divorce in 1984 that I actually starting getting connected in what I knew I wanted when I was so young.
I know that it was the year before my Saturn return that I found some local folks through a friend and they were kind enough to include me in some rituals. One of the folks owned a local Seattle metaphysical bookstore and I spent hours and hours there. And the minute Silver Ravenwolf’s book, To Ride A Silver Broomstick, came out, I snapped it up. I had read all of Scott Cunningham’s stuff to date as well. It’s funny but I don’t remember the books by Buckland or Farrar but I did read those later on.
Somewhere along the line folks started maligning Silver Ravenwolf, other books were published, I sold off some old books and basically forgot all about her. A thought formed in my mind that her books were rudimentary, 101 stuff, and not worth it. But not long ago I got a burst of longing for some of the things from my early Craft days. And I purchased her To Ride A Silver Broomstick, To Light A Sacred Flame, and To Stir A Magic Cauldron as well as her Halloween book. I’m currently getting my hands on the entire sabbat series from Lewellyn, although there are a variety of different authors there, not just S.R.
When all this stuff with Th Ex started before Christmas I went back to my bookshelf looking to refresh my memory on spells, herbs, and oils for love and healing. And I started reading these books from cover to cover.
Over the last 10 years I have had formal training in several outer grove groups. Some of it was a joke (I’ll tell the Uncle Tom’s Coven story one day soon) and some of it was a priviledge and an honor to participate in. And the books by Silver Ravenwolf? Are some of the best darned books around in my opinion. Back when I first started reading them I didn’t know basil from quack grass. I had no point of reference as to the accuracy or validity or usefullness of her work.
This woman rocks. And I’m so very glad that I went back and started reading these again. I’m enjoying the heck out of them and getting all kinds of cool ideas for work I have not done before. And I’m seeing that she recommends almost exactly the same thing Leon did.
To name the basics:
I’m having a great deal of fun with this.
I was really blown away recently by the person who allegedly said that if I banish a person it is a curse and if they are magically protected my spell will bounce off of them and harm their animals. Horse shit. I was told that this person(s) has many years of experience doing ritual and casting circles. But you know what? That doesn’t make them wise. It doesn’t mean they were trained well. It doesn’t mean they have any sense. And when I hear horse shit like that from them, I realize that I would rather have a person with no circle casting experience but with lots of common sense, both mundane and magical, in circle with me than this kind of rank fool. Again, I will tell you the story of UTC very soon.
I find myself very, very grateful for everything Leon, his High Priestess (who wishes to remain anonymous), and their very knowledgeable friends taught me over the years. They have their credentials in order and they know their stuff. And thanks to them, even though I chose not to initiate, I know my stuff as well. And I continue to learn. But now? I trust my intuition when it comes to most things. I stay away from the silly myths and paranoid weirdness. Turns out I didn’t need to refresh my memory on spells or supplies at all. I knew exactly what to do and I’m so very happy that I got such amazing results so quickly.
I suggest that if a person is a newcomer to the Craft and they have no people they can work with that they would indeed be well served by diligently reading the 3 main books by Silver Ravenwolf. And to do the exercises. To practice them as often as possible. And don’t listen to claptrap like “spells will bounce onto your pets” and “Pink isn’t period.”
Spells will bounce back to YOU, which is why I am very careful what kind of spells I do. I have no wish to curse myself. Or to harm innocent animals. The law of return and then, for some, the law of 3 as well, does work but not necessarily how you might think. Pink IS period (Historical textiles reference)
And it’s always good to go back and re-think your opinions. You discover things you never saw the first time around.
I have been drooling over these runes from Crafty Jewitch since she posted them. This is on the list of things I want to make.
Thank God!
I have restocked my magickal cupboard, have added lots of cool new herbs and some oils I didn’t have, replaced some that had gone bad. I’m rearranging the bookshelves next to the altar to better access. Tonight I go get some glass jars with vacuum lids for the ones that are in plastic.
I’ve been meaning to work on my Book of Shadows for a very long time. Bought a new book, one that doesn’t have tear out pages. I prefer the big black artists sketch books. Looking forward to putting pens and paints to the new paper. Got some sparkle pink gel pens. WHO KNEW??? ME? sparkling pink gel pens. But I seem to have a new love for these sparkley pens in any color.
One of the projects I was working on while I licked my wounds was a cover for my new cell phone. Also something I swore I would never get. But with aging parents it seemed like a wise thing to do. And it sure came in handy during the Yule Crisis of 2007.
The phone cover is simple, just a bit of black wool, with a little triskele applique on the back. I made the button, easy. Don’t mind the lint from the bottom of my blackhole of a purse.
Cynthia, a goal or a dream that doesn’t challenge the dreamer to become more than they’ve ever been, to go where they’ve never gone, or to feel things they’ve never felt, is actually like wishing for a giant “life snooze button.” Wanting abundance without an exchange of services, or love without loving, Cynthia, is a little bit like wanting an aquarium without fish, a leash without a dog, a frame without a picture…
This? This is real magic. No spells, no candles, no this, no that. A favorite quote of mine from the movie Almost Famous.
The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.
And I’ve been clear for a very long time that I came into this lifetime with the sole intent of feeling every feeling I could, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And the utterly sublime. To experience what it felt like to be more than spirit, to reside in a body that moves. And Igot exactly what I asked for. I have, in this life, lived a life full of variety, love and pain, anger and joy. I have experimented all over the place. And I have discovered that while I truly dig love, my favorite, absolute favorite thing in the whole world is using that love to make an amends, to clean up my own side of the street, to get out of my own self and do what I can to help someone else heal. Even if they hurt me.
And that is what is happening right now. Because something a friend said the other day in a comment was that it takes two to tango. Indeed that is wise and couldn’t be more true.
I became suspicious because I knew that he wasn’t telling me what was going on with him. I felt his distance, his bid for personal independence. This wasn’t something I ever took from him but something he was learning to give himself. And like all learning processes, things can get very bumpy, bruised, and just plain weird.
Our discussions became more and more bizarre, less and less communicative on his part and more frantic on my part. Until we just couldn’t take the pressure any more.
In The Ex’s rage at me (finally, a true, assertive, outwardly directed, emotion) he was able to get clear about what was going on with him and actually get honest with me about it. I was grateful that he told me about “screw you.” Truly. Because the truth? Shall really set you free. I believe that with all my heart. And I believe that his finally being able to say that to me was a huge step in his bid for personal growth. And I applaud that wholeheartedly. Even if it means I don’t get what I want.
We were on the phone for well over 2 hours last night. We covered a lot of territory. Not one bit of anger from either of us. With a total acknowledgment that the conversation had one goal. To find peace and healing and to live with love for each other.
So. Where do things stand this morning? We both accept and say that we love each other dearly. We both accept that right now he is just not ready to be in any intimate love relationship, that he absolutely must find out who he is. Alone. And that I need to get my own center back as well. That we truly want to be very good friends. And that neither one of us knows what the future holds. Which means that if we ever did find ourselves both wanting to be together as a couple again that our minds would remain open to the idea. But that is not the motive or intent for our friendship today. That is not on the list at this time. Friends is a really good thing.
We both felt so much better. And I’m very glad. Of course I miss certain aspects of our relationship. Very much. But I’m no longer angry and hurt. All the work I’ve done these past weeks for healing, for me and for him, has been very effective. I found myself last night unable to fall asleep because I couldn’t stop this thought in my head.
Thank you Goddess, thank you thank you thank you. Thankyou God, thank you thank you thank you. Thank you Hekate, thank you. I am so very, very grateful.
The Ex is meeting me on Saturday to bring the stuff of mine that he has. I have let him know that if he wants to, I would welcome a list or some feedback from him on anything I have left to do to clear my side of the street. I want to make amends for my stuff and how I hurt him. He is thinking about it. But one thing he did say. Some of my posts and the comments to some of my posts hurt him quite a bit. I have disabled comments on those posts. I am disabling comments on THIS post.
He was stunned that I would be willing to do that for him. I don’t know that I wish to change what I wrote because I understand, and I hope he does too, that I was writing in my journal about my loss. I had to process the anger, the hurt, the sad somewhere. It doesn’t make all of my assumptions true in any way. Anyone with experience in these matters knows that I was a wounded she bear and was roaring, even at those who love me. Some of what I said was true. All of my feelings were true. Some of the other stuff was very true too. But there were some things that were assumptions on my part. I don’t care what the truth is any more. My friends I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your support. I needed it so very badly. Needed to know that intelligent, loving, friends had my back no matter what. I am so grateful for you.
The war is over. Everyone lost and everyone won. Please do not judge The Ex or me. We both did the best we could with what we had at the time.
Stitch Witch Cottage 