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About Cynthia

I am a textile artist, embroiderer, wood burner, costumer, painter, and weaver who sees magic and change in the chain stitch and a well done Palestrina knot. I wish I had more control over the ways of the human world but alas, all I can control are my actions and my attitude in life and the consistency of my stitches. And sometimes even that doesn’t pan out as hoped and I must rip rip rip.

My Q&A responses from Mythology Blog

The Q&A from Mythology Blog: Between the Old and New Moon

Choosing a Paganism

Is it OK you be just a ‘Pagan?’
My first, knee jerk reaction is to state “it is ok to be anything you want and define youself any way you want, in and out of Paganism. ” And while I believe that to the core of my being I realize it isn’t what the questioner is really looking for. It is indeed OK to be just a Pagan. One of the things I like best about the label, considering how much I dislike labels, is that you can decide from moment to moment how you define Paganism for yourself.

I feel the same way about ‘Pagan.’ You are if you say you are.

If so, is choosing a specific Pagan path essential?

When pressed I usually call myself an Eclectic Kitchen Witch and have done so since the early days of the Aphrodite email list, back before The Internet, back when Pine email was God. I feel that I still very much fit under that umbrella. I am eclectic, although I try not to combine pantheons in one ritual, I still do kitchen magic, and I consider myself to be a Witch. That said, most of the time I decline to choose a specific path. I take what I need and leave the rest. And that pertains to all religions. My Pagan path includes some Buddhist principles, some principles from the teacher Jesus, and many others.

The longer I do this, the less I feel the need to call myself anything. I am welcome at our local pagan events for no other reason than that I participate in them and don’t run amok. And that is good enough for me.

Nature affirming Pagan

Are you a Pagan because you are drawn or feel a connection with nature?

This is most certainly a part of why I consider myself a Pagan although one can have a connection with nature and not consider themselves Pagan. It is what I do with my connection with nature that makes me Pagan. It is the ritual celebration of the wheel of the year with the sabbats that I believe makes me Pagan. My mother, a Quaker, considers herself to be very Pagan and so do I. She has howled at the moon, banging her drum while skyclad. Works for me. She finds no disconnect between that fact and her Quaker path.

Do city dwelling Pagans find it difficult to practice in the City?

For me it is not so very difficult. I am fortunate to have a large yard, a small garden, and old growth trees in the lot next door. I work on a beautiful university campus that is very treed and well planted. I have many friends who also have lovely gardens. There are lots of parks in the city where I live. While I find that the energies are muted here I have trees I talk to on a regular basis. I honor the Fae for they are indeed i n the city and in my garden. I feel much closer to nature when the sound of traffic is less and the stars brighter but I am very fortunate that nature abounds here and I find it every where.

The raccoons mating under my window, the squirrels protecting their tree, the crows dying and living, the cats that have left a permanent trail through my yard no matter how long or short the grass, the sound of the wind, the patter of the rain, the full moon. I have all of that in the city. I suppose I would say something entirely different if I lived in a high rise apartment but I don’t.

Living with a community of Pagans

Is it easy finding a community of like-minded Pagans? Are there any local Pagan communities where you live, and was it easy to integrate into your community? Perhaps it took a while to find a community that met your needs?

That depends on where you live. In my city there are a fair number of public groups available to Pagans. There are also many that are closed. Even today it can be difficult to find a group you resonate with as that is much more difficult to find than to just find a group. In all the years I’ve been a practicing Witch I would have to say that it has been very difficult in the past but that has changed for me. Most likely because I have changed so much. My boundaries are dropping, my rules and judgments lessening. My own self worth is increasing and many things that used to make me uncomfortable no longer threaten me.

I am also fortunate that I live in a part of the US that has a stone circle and a monthly ritual. We also have a monthly pagan church. Adults and children are welcome at both. This has changed my life dramatically.

Do you find your community to be a group of loving people who deeply care for others, esp’ outcasts in society?

Yes indeed I do. We are all misfits in this US society, us Pagans.

Is there a kind of leadership? Or are some members considered to be more authoritative than others without any rigid kind of leadership structure.

In one group I work with yes, in another no. Entirely depends on the group.

Is everyone encouraged to play an active role in the community, and look after those members that need more care and attention?

Absolutely. It’s at the very least required to participate in ritual, not just sit and watch. It takes little encourgement from others for the people I know to offer their care and attention. That seems to come naturally with almost all I know. Only the very young and not well parented folks seem to have a little trouble here but it is less about them not caring and more about them not knowing what to do or being shy.

Perhaps you are a solitary Pagan, or your only connecting with Pagans on the internet, how does that work for you?

I was a solitary Pagan at one time and only connected via the Internet. It wasn’t fulfilling for me, the internet part. I need the closer proximity of energy exchange to feel as though I am connecting with others. While most of my work that is not celebratory remains solitary, I can’t live without my real life community. Well I can, just not as happily as I would like.

How do non-Pagans react upon learning you are Pagan?

Mostly I don’t feel the need to tell people what my spiritual background is. For instance I have noticed some folks in a quandry about how to tell their co-workers. No quandry for me. Not work appropriate any more than I want my co-workers to make a point of their religion to me. If I do choose at some time to tell someone who wouldn’t or couldn’t know I do so after knowing them better or at least whether or not they are of open mind and then only if it is pertinent to our conversation or if I need to be honest before we move to a higher phase of relationship.

There are people, fundamentalists of one stripe or another, who guess I’m not one of their tribe but not because I tell them anything out right. And their reaction is usually either 1) trying to get me over to their side, 2) ignoring that aspect of me in order to remain friends, or 3) staying as far away as possible. I’m okay with 2 and 3. Honestly I’m too old to care what others think of my spiritual reality.

Pagan Rituals

What is the
most basic form of ritual in your Pagan tradition?

No tradition for me, it’s just my tradition. My daily devotions. Every day I do a brief devotion to the gods I work with the most. Typically it involves a candle, some incense, and a brief blessing.

How do rituals play a part in your form of Paganism?


Formal rituals of one kind or another take place at the Sabbats, everything else is on as needed basis. These are formal rituals mind you. My life is really one big ritual so I say hi to the trees, the animals, the humans as I pass. I try to do many things as reverently as I can with the understanding that I am human and sometimes forget. But I try to live mindfully. Some rituals for me include feeding the stray cats, recycling, bathing, create the art that I, well, create.

If you didn’t practice rituals would you be considered non-Pagan?

Not in my book necessarily. In the books of others, probably so. But I think what you really haven’t asked so far is how does one define ritual? We will all define it differently and if you look to my answer in the previous question you will see that my definition of ritual is very broad, it’s less about what and when I do something and more about HOW I do something.

Can rituals be a guiding influence both inside and outside of the community?

Hmmmm. I know that they certainly can on the inside. I’ve seen some rituals have an effect outside of the community but don’t know so much about guiding influence.

Do Rituals have a transformative effect on you as an individual and as a group, and can ritual “break through’ to the otherworld, another realm or reality?

Absolutely. All the time. But it only started happening to me when I noticed. I think those breakthroughs happen all the time we just choose to call it something else in our society. And if we think it isn’t happening we aren’t as likely to look for it. Also, while I don’t always experience a transformative effect in the ritual at that moment, quite often I find that transformation happening gradually (or suddenly) afterwards.

Have you ever met anyone, or heard about, anyone become mentally ill by participating in a Ritual?

No, but I have heard of and met someone who was mentally ill practicing ritual. That was a mess.

Can ritual be in any other way dangerous?

Yes. I believe in casting a proper container for your magickal work. There are indeed uglies out there that are at best simply attracted to the light and energy you are emitting and at worst, uglies looking to cause trouble and specifically looking for that kind of work. I would never do certain kinds of magic without casting some kind of protective container.

I wanted to add that I do most magical work in my home, which is heavily warded and protected.  I consider the entire house in a cast circle always.  With a few extra special boosts.  The garden I leave more to it’s own best practicies.  But the house I protect.  Only because I had a very nasty experience from that mentally ill practioner that required that I do so.  It worked so well that I keep it active and fresh.  You can feel the difference as soon as you enter my door.

Pagan ‘gods’


How do Pagan ‘gods’ have an active role in your life?

I talk to them every day and do my best to connect with them through the daily devotions.


Do some pagans create their own gods?

I’d say that the odds are very high that at least some do.

Finally

Are there any more worthwhile things I might need to know?

Jump on in, the water’s fine.  Have fun.  Find joy. Love others.

In honor of the young Hollywood celebrities combusting all over the place

The New York Dolls – Personality Crisis

Well we can’t take it this week
And her friends don’t want another speach
Hoping for a better day to hear what she’s got to say

All about that Personality Crisis you got it while it was hot
But now frustration and heartache is what you got
(That’s why they talk about Personality)

But now your tryin to be some no you got to do some
Wanna be someone who cow wow wows
But you think about the times you did they took every ounce
when it sure got to be a shame when you start to scream and shout
you got to contradict all those times you were butterflyin about
(You were butterflyin)

All about that Personality Crisis you got it while it was hot
But now frustration and heartache is what you got

And your a prima ballerina on a spring afternoon
change on into the wolfman howlin at the moon hooowww

All about that Personality Crisis you got it while it was hot
But now frustration and heartache is what you got

Now with all the crossin fingers that mother nature says
Your mirrors get jammed up with all your friends
That personality everything starts to bend
Personality when your mind starts to bend
Personality impression of a friend,
Of a friend, of a friend, of a friend, of a friend
Personality wonderin how celebrities ever met
(Look and find out on television)

Personality Crisis you got it while it was hot
frustration and heartache is all you got don’t you worry

Personality Crisis please don’t cry
it’s just a Personality Crisis please don’t stop

Because you walk a Personality
Talk a Personality

Questions to Mull Over

I ran across these questions while cruising the world of pagan blogs.  I found them at Mythology Blog: Between Old and New Moons. I find that these questions arrive at an interesting time in my life.  The process I am in this year (more than most  although I am in this process to some degree all of the time), of really looking at the people, ideas, belongings, and creative interests in my life and re-assesing their fit.  What do I want to add? To delete? To put on the back burner for awhile? To put right in the moment?

Since my belief system is one of those things that I am holding under a microscope right now, I thought these questions might help me better define what it is that makes me feel ‘Home’ today.  Assuming of course that a quote from the Indigo Girls is always in the back of my mind:

“The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine.”

I feel driven right now, part of it is the collecting that harvest time nudges me to do.  Part of it is that weather like this, cloudy but pleasant, makes me want to walk in nature and see what speaks to my heart and soul.  Part of it is that it became quite obvious very, VERY, suddenly that certain relationships to others and to myself were no longer working.  That sudden part was like ripping off a band-aid and all the surrounding hairs only to discover that underneath that covering was healthy skin.  I could have done this sooner and perhaps with less drama but it never even occurred to me.  When I’m done, I’m done.  Others don’t see that under that band-aid cover all kinds of processing and healing was taking place so for them that ripping is even more sudden and painful, they didn’t even know there WAS a band-aid.  To them, I am sorry, it wasn’t about hurting you but about healing me.

Et Voila!

I will begin posting my answers to each category as I can.

Choosing a Paganism

  • Is it OK you be just a ‘Pagan?’
  • If so, is choosing a specific Pagan path essential?

Nature affirming Pagan

  • Are you a Pagan because you are drawn or feel a connection with nature?
  • Do city dwelling Pagans find it difficult to practice in the City?

Living with a community of Pagans

  • Is it easy finding a community of like-minded Pagans?
  • Are there any local Pagan communities where you live, and was it easy to integrate into your community? Perhaps it took a while to find a community that met your needs?
  • Do you find your community to be a group of loving people who deeply care for others, esp’ outcasts in society?
  • Is there a kind of leadership? Or are some members considered to be more authoritative than others without any rigid kind of leadership structure.
  • Is everyone encouraged to play an active role in the community, and look after those members that need more care and attention?
  • Perhaps you are a solitary Pagan, or your only connecting with Pagans on the internet, how does that work for you?
  • How do non-Pagans react upon learning you are Pagan?


Pagan Rituals

  • What is the most basic form of ritual in your Pagan tradition?
  • How do rituals play a part in your form of Paganism?
  • If you didn’t practice rituals would you be considered non-Pagan?
  • Can rituals be a guiding influence both inside and outside of the community?
  • Do Rituals have a transformative effect on you as an individual and as a group, and can ritual “break through’ to the otherworld, another realm or reality?
  • Have you ever met anyone, or heard about, anyone become mentally ill by participating in a Ritual.
  • Can ritual be in any other way dangerous?

Pagan ‘gods’

  • How do Pagan ‘gods’ have an active role in your life?
  • Do some pagans create their own gods?

Finally

  • Are there any more worthwhile things I might need to know?

Unexpected Changes

Recently I felt that my life had settled down enough to commit to something for a definite 2 years. And I can still do that. But my heart has shifted to another place suddenly and it just isn’t what is getting me geeking out. Now, I love to geek out. And the 2 year commitment was all about geeking out. I’m just not all that interested in geeking out about medieval stuff any more. I’ve been here before. A few years ago I stopped playing with my living history group because I felt that I was spending my time doing things that didn’t matter in the scheme of things.

That wasn’t exactly true. The fact is that I’ve learned how to do many things that one might need if forced to barter for what I/we need. I can grow food, I can even butcher it if I must. I can sew more than a fine seam, I can also tailor and make my own patterns. I can make healing medicines from herbs I grow. I can live in the wild and hold body and soul together for at least a little while. These are good skills and if it came down to it I’m sure I could find someone who might barter a heavy winter coat and shoes for a nanny goat. So no regrets. I am in a pretty good place no matter what when it comes to food, shelter, and clothing. Better than most that’s for sure. But is it enough to feed me in other ways?

More and more my heart is pulling me in another direction. Friendships have moved on after many productive years, interests have changed. I find that while my volunteer position, the one I committed to for 2 years, does indeed benefit others, I’m not getting fed spiritually as much as I would like. I love teaching. Love it love it love it. I love seeing lights turn on. But ultimately my problem is that the future isn’t the focus. Where do I go from here?

I am getting giddy over making things that are completely out of my head. Things I can give away. Things that will raise money for projects that excite me. Projects like a pagan temple, a place for all to get their spiritual needs met, a place to teach and learn, to commune, to heal, to create.

The weather has turned towards Autumn with much cooler mornings and the heat only coming late in the day. YES! I love this time of year when the promise of Autumn and it’s crisp days and quiet times out of the heat are made so. This means that we are moving towards my favorite holidays, Mabon, Samhain, and Yule. It also means that the annual fundraiser for Gaia’s Temple is coming soon. There will be a spiral dance, feasting, as well as a silent auction. Last year all of my donated craft items were sold for a total of $300. Now that might not seem like much when we are trying to build a temple but I have to say that I finally felt as though what I was doing had deep spiritual meaning. That it truly is for the greater common good.

Last Thursday The Ex and I attended the last Lammas ritual of the season. The evening was gorgeous, the sun out but also the breeze (the cooler evenings are as welcome as the cooler mornings!) . For some silly reason I had been putting off the invitations to join this group of people for an entire year. For some silly reason I was very nervous about going. I knew I would be a stranger, or so I thought at any rate. I was afraid of meeting so many new people in one place for such an intimate thing for me. But my experiences at OLOTEAS where I have not only spent time in ritual with a bunch of strangers and had a blast but also spent time doing a ritual with them skyclad (naked), and spent time nekkid in the clothing optional pool, those experiences have opened me up to new things. Suddenly it felt safe to go to this ritual.

And it was wonderful. The ritual was beautiful, it included the God, as it should in my opinion, which pleased me greatly. I think I thought the group would be too woman centric and not balanced enough for me. While the attendees were all women except for 2 men, the ritual itself was very balanced, lovely, lots of creativity went into the tools and items. The weather was amazing and the sun set behind the trees the minute the circle was opened. Pretty amazing. The feast that everyone contributed to was astonishing in it’s variety and goodness. So many delicious things to eat and smell and enjoy.

And one woman, who I am acquainted with, came up to me and said “The Pouch Lady! Look! I have one of your pouches!” and she produced it there on the spot. This happened almost immediately upon arrival and my sense of belonging settled right into place.

I can’t wait to go to the next one. And the next one. I can’t wait to get started on the items I will donate this year. They will be competing with all the homemade Yule presents I am making as well. Which means I really must make sure not to spread myself too thin with the 2 year volunteer thing. I think that the next event (end of September) and teaching the first week of October will be enough. I will put all of my energy into getting classes set up (not much to do there at all) and then be able to somewhat coast. And finding a deputy who wants to learn how to do what I’ve done and begin to step into my shoes so that they can take over when my time is up. Yes, time to find an Organization Deputy.

I’m full of all kinds of ideas for pagan crafts, my cup runneth over. To steal a quote from a God of another pantheon. What really runneth over is my pocket as it is full of the first acorns of the year.