Know how it is when you get so much thrown at you that you can’t remember any of it until later as it processes through the synapses of your brain? That was me yesterday.

Some choice things from the Seeds of Compassion day:

• Don’t loose your cool – Archbishop Desmond Tutu (nothing can translate how truly adorable this guy is)
• When someone does something horrible and you want to give it right back to them, that is not the compassionate thing to do. You must decide to carry their burden, their pain, and give them back love. Carrying their burden and pain is very, very difficult to do, you might even feel like you are dying, but it is not living compassionately to throw their pain back at them. – Dr. Rob. Bell
• When people do violence in the name of a religion it is a betrayal of spirit and spirituality – Rabbi David Rosen

In less than 7 waking hours I’ve been given two opportunities to practice compassion. To give of myself with no expectation of gain for me. To carry the burden and pain of others…

I called my folks last night to tell them all about the event. They tag team their kids on the phone so you are always trying to talk to both of them. Which in some ways is great. You only have to tell the tale once. But not so great for actual conversation. And last night my parent’s reality came crashing down.

They are both 80. My father is adjusting to a new hearing aid. Right after I said the bit about ADT and keeping your cool, my father exploded at my mother for making noise on the phone and he HATES that. She hung up. I said, well, the compassion is rapidly dissipating so I’ll call you back later Dad.

My high was totally deflated, ruined. I felt myself overwhelmed with feelings of powerlessness and pain. How do I handle my parents as they age and get strange? I tried like crazy to think about how to be compassionate towards them. And realized that I don’t get to talk to them about their behavior at all. I just have to carry the burden of their pains, their fears, their failure to adjust to a new hearing aid and blame that on another… I finally got there and found ecstasy again but dang…

I called them later and mom answered. She told me that she had gone for a walk and when she got back, Dad apologized. Good. She’s having a really hard time of it because as my dad gets older and deals with the health issues that come with that on top of his diabetes he becomes more and more cranky and easily angered. Many times for very petty, ridiculous stuff. I know she’s trying to get through it. But to make matters worse he has decided to start attending her AlAnon meetings so she no longer has a place to vent about him. Gosh, it’s all about him… Sometimes I want to shake him but I know that his childhood was The Suck and his worldview, try as he might, is not a positive place.

But they are talking and we will have dinner and a movie together this Saturday, Amazing Grace.

The second opp was this morning. I got to the bus stop and there was a young man writing out on cardboard his sad story hoping to bring in some cash. I’m always skeptical but I try not to be. He was from Minnesota, here in the Pacific Northwest to do some backpacking and then move south to California. He was mugged last night and his backpack and all his money was gone. He had nothing but the clothes and shoes he was standing up in. I gave him $5 and we started talking. I was able to direct him to a day labor place that was close by and a place where he could get Western Union from family. And a place to get a cheap breakfast. I wish I had been able to do more. I’m going to worry about him for days. Prayer is my only option.

And gratitude. That I had $5 to give him. That I didn’t yell at my parents when they get all weird. That I can feel compassion and love for others. But goodness, it is a difficult task, this compassion stuff.

You really do take on their stuff for processing and while I know that it will pass, it hurts none the less. How odd to know that I am joyous for the ability to feel this pain. Bittersweet.

I’m probably no more enlightened than I was when I awoke this morning but I feel very much lighter. Walking back from the small university arena, I was struck by the falling cherry blossoms and told myself, you must remember this day, these blossoms, this song. The Ode to Joy is sounding in my head and I keep humming it. Walking through thick snow banks of cherry blossoms I felt at peace.

I was on my way back to my office after seeing and hearing His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and a large panel of spiritual leaders discuss compassion. How do we get rid of the anger in our hearts? How do we deal with those who practice violence in the name of religion?

I got to the arena to wait for my friend Nancy. We were both working on the website http://wiki.seedsofcompassion.org and got free tickets. She’s from New York and after 9/11 still has great fear of crowds, me I’m not into them much either, so we thought solidarity would be good.

We’re moving along in line chatting with others when I run into the Ven. Dhammadinna. She was a student of the Dalai Lama and afterwards came to Seattle with the Ven. Jesse to open up a buddhist temple. I had the honor of designing their website. In gratitude she gave me a tonka from the Dalai Lama’s temple. That started things off very well, a hug from a friend I haven’t seen in awhle.

At the door they turned me away because my purse was considered a bag due to its size. They would not let me in. I wasn’t the only woman in this quandry. I heard that some were stashing their bags in the trees and bushes and trusting they would remain safe. I’m just not that trusting. Thankfully I work on the university campus where this event took place. I started walking the mile across campus to my office and back when I got an idea. I went into the closest building and put myself at the mercy of the first woman I found. She graciously agreed to hold my purse for me. I was out of breath from marching up hill and up stairs and at first she must have thought I was nuts. But she was very kind and I was able to hurry back.

The line was now incredibly long but I got to see the motorcade with many many motorcycle police and cars. Who knows which car the holies and vernerables and all were in but it made my excitement start to race.

Inside there were free vegetarian lunches for everyone. I felt a little bad because I didn’t purchase my ticket but there was plenty of boxes to go around. Free lunch tastes extra good.

Nancy and Pam (the head of my volunteer project) were waiting for me with great seats. We were just up and to the left of the stage. Great view of everything. The energy was incredible, there was this light buzz that suddenly exploded as HHDL and ADT entered the stage left. The crowd was on their feet, loudly but politely clapping. I couldn’t help myself, I let out a loud wooop, a couple others did too, and suddenly every one burst into cheers. That felt awesome to be able to express my joy in voice and not be all prim about it and to find that instead of being stared at, I was a catalyst.

The panel discussion was opened by two ceremonies. The first was a singer from Africa. The moment he began singing, in an African language, I knew from the notes and the cadence that it was a song about compassion, the topic of the 5 day event. And I knew I’d be in tears throughout the morning. Nancy and I were sitting there crying and we were not alone. After this wonderful man was done the city presented HHDL with a gorgeous prayer wheel made by a Seattle artist. It stood about 3 feet high, carved out of wood with wooden inlays, there was a mountain scene with a huge tree in the foreground. Just gorgeous. Lots of bowing and prayerful hands…

The panel had many people from around the world. Half the panel were teenagers. They represented their age group so very well. There is so much hope for the world.

HHDL and ADT were clearly enjoying each other’s company because they took the opportunity to jest with each other. Cuties those two. So cute and yet so serious. They gave us many chances to laugh like crazy.

The discussion was familiar territory and while I didn’t hear much I wasn’t already in sync with (if woefully lacking in practicing it), it was so uplifting to hear how others put their experiences and ideas into words.

Nancy and I both fell in love with the Rabbi David Rosen. Oh la la was that man gorgeous, smart, caring, and as Nancy and I noted at the same time, not wearing a wedding ring. Too bad he lives in Israel… his pictures don’t do him justice. What a charismatic man. When he got upset and said he just can’t understand WHY the media keeps showing all the ugly things in the world when there is so much going on that is good the crowd was on their feet…. And when he told Sister Joan Chittister, who evidently believes in “disloyalty as obedience,” that he agreed with her on everything but the Catechism everyone whooped!

We broke for lunch and the Seattle Symphony and Choir broke into Beethoven’s Ode to Joy. And I’ve been humming along ever since.

I came back to the office early as I had work to do, Tuesdays being my busy days, and the seats were killing me. And because I got what I needed.

It was an amazing experience. What an honor to be in the same room with such amazing people doing such good works.

I was in tears of gratitude, thankful that I was able to participate as a volunteer in this noble and worthy project, that I was privileged to hear my values spoken en mass, to think of my loving parents who taught me the art of compassion and helped me foster that whenever they could, to listen to Sister Joan talk about teaching children compassion when they bury a bird or feed a stray dog or pet a stray cat.

I feel like the luckiest woman in the world right now…

P.S. I retrieved my bag, safe and sound, and left the cookie from my lunch in thanks. Turns out I wasn’t the only woman who brought her bag by that office. I had a giggle with the gals who were so kind to help us out.

This reading was graciously done for me by Grace of the Wild Pomegranate

What does Cynthia need to know about her love life, the Lover’s Path Tarot

(BTW, I pulled three QUEENS. You are a very very dynamic woman, and these lovely ladies showed up at the end of your trials (Queen Arrows), and the beginning of your new phase (Queen Cups) and then as the parenthasis to this leg of your journey (Queen Staves).

Queen Cups: This represents YOU at this point in your life, I believe. You’ve been through quite a journey where love is concerned (I actually pulled some foundation cards, and the whole transition was there. Contemplation Reversed (traditional Hermit) Distracted, ignoring intuition, feeling unconnected from the heart where relationships are concerned, 3 Arrows (Heartbreak, End of Relationship), 2 Coins (conflicting choices, seeking balance, grace, focus on commerce), 4 Arrows (healing, introspection, peace after an emotional upset, the need for solitude to achieve balance), and finally the Queen of Arrows. All those Arrows speak to those out of the blue galvanizing events in our lives which when handled right can deepen our understanding about ourselves, others, and the world. It was a very powerful transition for you.

The Queen of Cups (Venus): She so beautiful, so soulful, and a creative force to be reckoned with. Cups, as you know, is the suit of the Emotional realm (water), and the Fools’ Journey through the emotional realm is about learning to flow our emotions in healthy, wholistic ways. The QUEEN represents that mastery. She brings inspiration and feeling to the world through art, intimacy and love. She has the ability to express love, inspiring and nuturing others to be more soulful. She can also be as mysterious as the MOON, as receptive to her inner life as she is to inspiration.

In the Recent Past position, I pulled 10 Coins Reversed: The 10 represents the fruition of a cycle where great satisfaction, expansion, property, prosperity and such have been attained. We have followed the path of manifestion, and now the goodness of that awaits us. Because the card is reversed, it means that there is a little bit of a blockage for you right now, in enjoying your successes or even in ATTAINING the success you desire. Maybe it’s been a bit elusive, or you’ve been uncertain on how to attain it or future it. This card can also indicate some difficulties at home, maybe with family relationships. The Queen is busy seeking ways to take her life to the next level primarily in the material world right now and, perhaps, maybe even using her vast emotional wealth combined with her creativity to produce something that will really touch others.

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I finally figured out how to deal with RSS feeds from external blogs. Now, if all my friends would activate their livejournal blogs I could get them to feed here and never have to go back and forth again…