Around and Around We Go

Posted on July 2, 2009 by Cynthia

If I wasn’t so frikking pleased I’d go into a deep and angry rant about the irresponsibility of casual and scary diagnoses by physicians who aren’t qualified to make said diagnosis.

For the second time this year, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and Multi-farctal (?) Dementia. For the second time that diagnosis has been reversed. OMG!Yay!OMG!Yay!

This was wonderful news to receive. This past week has been just bizarre and scary and thought provoking and and and…

We are overjoyed at the wonderful news that Dad isn’t going to have to face this in addition to the other health challenges he faces. And neither will his family. The change in his attitude is beautiful to behold. Besides the gift of the relief, it’s also given Dad a new focus on enjoying each day because we simply don’t know how many more we have.

Dad and Mom are celebrating their 55th wedding anniversary today. It was beautiful, sweet, and just too darned cute to watch them as they packed their day packs and trundled off for a mountain day hike. Very cute. Still doing one of the things that brought them together so long ago.

Happy Anniversary my beloved parents!

Letter to a Loved One

Posted on June 27, 2009 by Cynthia

I never thought I’d write this letter. But here I am. And it makes me very sad. I love you. Always have, always will.

Yes, I’m very, very angry with you. You have hurt me deeply when all I did was state that I had a right to my own thoughts and speech. You are trying to turn your wife and our parents against me. This anger is only partially to do with your recent actions, it is fueled by years of crap and cruelty and I’m rising up out of the ashes of my love for you and flying away to something better.

All my life I have loved you. In our teen years we had our differences and struggles and perhaps that is when this pattern began. I look back in my memory and can’t really put my finger on when this animosity towards me started. I had thought for a long time it started when we moved out of our Capital Hill home to the northend because for years you brought up how I ruined your life with that move. And how much money I cost the family when you discovered that the family home sold some years back for a million dollars. I have always been reminded of that and always felt sorry for that. I was being stalked by a rapist and a killer who is in prison for killing his girlfriend when he threw her out of the car on the freeway. Scary guy. We had to move. But you didn’t know that then, I can’t remember what I told the folks. And it did disrupt your life. It disrupted everyone’s life. But I do not hold responsibility for that, I was a frightened kid. And your life changed in many GOOD ways because of that move. But the glass is always half empty with you. Continue reading →

The Unbearable Lightness of Being is More Bearable

Posted on June 26, 2009 by Cynthia

I made some decisions today which have caused me to feel lighter. Today I had to write two very difficult letters. I spent a lot of time agonizing over the wording of them. I did all I could to keep it to “I” statements. To only discuss my side of things. To keep it unemotional. To keep it to my side of the street. Knowing that both letters were going to hurt none the less. Continue reading →

Commarin

Posted on October 13, 2008 by Cynthia

I can think of nothing lovlier than this view of the town where my brother lives (just behind the church on the right). I know the size is getting hard to live with, needs more stimulation, but how totally and utterly charming. Makes you go, “Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, if only.”