This Week in Cancer

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The ancient Chinese sage Lao Tse said, “People of the highest caliber, upon hearing about Taoism, follow it and practice it immediately. People of average caliber, hearing about Taoism, reflect for a while and then experiment. People of the lowest caliber, hearing about Taoism, let out a big laugh.” Now substitute the words “your splashy new ideas” for “Taoism” in Lao Tse’s quote and you’ll have your horoscope for this week, Cancerian. For added punch, remember what he said in another context: “No idea can be considered valuable until a thousand people have laughed at it.”

Laugh on people, laugh on…

Cleansing

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Yesterday I went with my dear friend Ruth to the OLOTEAS gathering.  OLOTEAS (Our Lady Of The Earth And Sky) gatherings are always on the 4th Saturday of the month.  Since they do not own the property but rent/share with others that is the calendar.  So, it’s a bit off on the sabbats but we celebrated Litha none the less.

Dark Matters was heading up the workshop and the ritual. We did a lovely maze walk while charging gold/silver stones with our intention.  And then we were to begin our stories.

And I couldn’t stop thinking of this separation with my brother.  I hate it.  But I know I must do this for myself.  I can no longer have people in my life who do not respect me.  Love alone simply isn’t enough.  You can’t love me AND treat me as though I’m a bug.   This is very painful.  With every story beginning there is a story ending.  So I mourned this loss, which I hope is temporary but know it might be long, as I get ready for the birthday revels to begin.

After the ritual and crying Ruth and I jumped into the warm pool. Well, okay, we both have bad knees, we gingerly walked down the steps.  It was a soothing balm. Washed away the tears and drove home under a gorgeous golden sickle of a moon.

Gracious Lady and Lord, bring love and peace and healing to those I love.  Bring abundance in all it’s joyous ways and happy means.  Bring joy and freedom and wings to me as I move into this new phase of my life.  Bring my lover to me.  Bring that job that is waiting for me to fill it’s needs.

So Mote It Be.

Litha-jun2000

Letter to a Loved One

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I never thought I’d write this letter.  But here I am.  And it makes me very sad.  I love you.  Always have, always will.

Yes, I’m very, very angry with you.  You have hurt me deeply when all I did was state that I had a right to my own thoughts and speech. You are trying to turn your wife and our parents against me.  This anger is only partially to do with your recent actions, it is fueled by years of crap and cruelty and I’m rising up out of the ashes of my love for you and flying away to something better.

All my life I have loved you. In our teen years we had our differences and struggles and perhaps that is when this pattern began. I look back in my memory and can’t really put my finger on when this animosity towards me started.  I had thought for a long time it started when we moved out of our Capital Hill home to the northend because for years you brought up how I ruined your life with that move. And how much money I cost the family when you discovered that the family home sold some years back for a million dollars.  I have always been reminded of that and always felt sorry for that.  I was being stalked by a rapist and a killer who is in prison for killing his girlfriend when he threw her out of the car on the freeway.  Scary guy. We had to move.  But you didn’t know that then, I can’t remember what I told the folks.  And it did disrupt your life.  It disrupted everyone’s life.  But I do not hold responsibility for that, I was a frightened kid.  And your life changed in many GOOD ways because of that move. But the glass is always half empty with you. Continue reading →

The Beauty and Wonder of Friends

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And chosen family.

My birthday is coming up soon as I’ve made sure you know.  But someone knew about this that I hadn’t directly told.

On Wednesday we had our coven’s Litha rites.  Just before circle my High Priest, who the more I know, the more I just adore, took me aside and put something in my hand.

He said, “I almost never give gold as a present, but I want this to remind you of your true value.  I don’t think you know this much of the time. Happy Birthday.”  Something very close to that.  I wish I had a built in recorder but I don’t.

Verklempt I tell you.

I hope that I always stay right sized enough that wonderful things like this will always bring me to tears. And I hope that I will remember that, my true value.

Because I tell you, on days like this week has been full of, it’s sometimes really hard to remember. My parents have been very supportive lately even with all the drama and I’m grateful for that too.  I’m adopted and have always considered my parents my chosen family.  It is the family we choose that makes it all worthwhile, coven or otherwise.

So Wednesday was a very good, VERY GOOD, day.

chocolate-hearts-gold_LRG

The Unbearable Lightness of Being is More Bearable

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I made some decisions today which have caused me to feel lighter. Today I had to write two very difficult letters. I spent a lot of time agonizing over the wording of them. I did all I could to keep it to “I” statements. To only discuss my side of things. To keep it unemotional. To keep it to my side of the street. Knowing that both letters were going to hurt none the less. Continue reading →