Cancer This Week

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Think back to the last half of 1998. What was going on in your life back then? According to my astrological projections, you were probably carrying out experiments in a wild frontier . . . or getting your mind rearranged by rousing teachings and provocative revelations . . . or breaking through artificial limits that had been quashing your freedom . . . or all of the above. Now you’ve come around again to a similar phase of your grand cycle. Are you ready for action? If you’d like to gather up all the grace flowing in your vicinity, start having fun with escapes, experiments, and expansions.

Just try and stop me…

Oh, I can not express how good I’m feeling right now.  Great interview, I think I’ll at least make the short list. Mr. Furnace is hot. Family coming Monday from half way around the world. Kitty is happy.

I’m right smack in the middle of the FLOW…

You Know It’s Right When…

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… you feel great Great GREAT after making a very difficult decision.  I got a lovely email from my HPs and all is well, she thanked me for being graceful about it. Which means a great deal to me.

D is back to being Mr. Furnace, things have turned up just a notch this week.  We are still dialed back and taking things slow but we just went up another stair in the winding staircase that is our relationship.  We had a nice talk this afternoon and he took some risks.  I’m proud of him, I’m proud of me, and I feel FANTASTIC.

Oh yes I do.

Creativity is flowing and there isn’t enough time in the day in my life right now. I’m going from the moment I awake to the moment my head hits the pillow.  Sleeping really well even with the dreams.

Job interview Thursday morning, hope it goes well.

Someone wrote me and asked for a commission and the design is in progress…  It called me and makes me happy too. I think the rabbit speaks to me strongly right now. Fertile, bouncy, happy, joyous, and free.

Birds

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Right after I sent the letter I left the house to go to a noon meeting.  Needed a meeting!

I opened the door and instantly about 30 pigeons, in a very loud manner, WHOOSHED right by me from left to right.  Wow.  It was intense.  Very loud, the energy passing into my future in a hurry.  Did something just speed up now that I’ve let go of a 30 year old fantasy?

I want to thank those of you who have written me in the comments and privately.  I’m extremely grateful for your support and validation.  It has been very difficult coming to this decision but I feel lighter, stronger, than I have in a long time.  People who I trust and respect have really stepped up to the plate.  Thank you, you know who you are.  And thank you D.  I trust you with my life and am so glad to have a friend who will always tell me the truth as he sees it, no people pleasing from you.  A rare gift some days. You are my closest friend.

Let’s hope my new fruitful future is winging it’s way to me quickly.

Trying to Take the High Road

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Final draft of my letter, don’t know how to send.  I think I need to call HPs and talk to her first then submit letter…  I’ve tried to make this as unemotional, as kind, as low key as  I possibly could.

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After much contemplation I have decided to leave the coven.  I had hoped, at times, that I would come to a different conclusion and I know that HPs in particular hoped I would wait until Yule but I can not. I’m sorry. I need to move on now and don’t need this hanging over my head.

This is not simply about the incident that happened at Lammas although that plays a part in this of course. That incident has only further illuminated what I was feeling already.  I am convinced that I am not a good fit as a coven mate.  That is all I will say on that matter.

While our trad’s ritual is a beautiful thing and many times I’ve been touched by the beauty of how it manifests in the coven, in general it is not speaking to me.  I’ve mentioned this before. I’m looking for something different in my practice I know now. I’ve sought to be part of a BTW coven for over 2 decades so no one is more surprised than I to find that I was seeking something that wouldn’t fit.  But there it is.  There was no way to know this prior to initiation really. It’s an oathbound path so how could we know?  I have no regrets on that score, you all made my initiaion one of the most beautiful and meaningful of my life.  Even so, it’s not enough for me to continue. Please accept my apologies if I’ve wasted anyone’s time. I’ve learned a great deal in my time with you and am grateful for all of it.

I hope to remain on good terms with you. In my experience it’s best to make a clean break so all can find acceptance and then come back after some healing has been done to find a new way to be friends. I know that not all will want to and that’s okay. Those who do, Merry Meet, Merry Part, and Merry Meet Again!

Thank you for the love you have shown me and brightest blessings to you all!

Love,Cynthia