Yeup. That’s about it.
One Day At A Time
7
Rigid Containers
Animals and plants and directions and elements, that’s my inspiration typically and it’s no different here.
I started working on this design a few weeks ago, just picking it up, doodling a little, putting it down, picking it up… D was sitting beside me for much of it so this project will always have a bit of his energy in it and always tug my heartstrings more than I thought it would. I made a lot of progress on my trip but much of it is still in my head. I worked on it on my first full day on the coast in the sun.
Each side of the box will have a corresponding plaque with an animal and a plant. The longer sides of the rectangular box will have smaller plaques with either viney stuff or witchy stuff like cauldrons or the like…
The lid is still puzzling me a bit. I like what I have but I’m still not sure how it works with the sides, which I love…
I was sitting there on the beach in the sun gazing into the universe and this bird, a bird I didn’t recognize, flew into my field of vision and then hovered there staring at me. Its body position was unusual as it was facing me the way you would see an angel hovering over you with wings spread out to the sides. The bird did this for probably 10 seconds. I just watched with my mouth in an O and felt blessed. Immediately after this blessing came to me. I made a note about the bird on the page in the above photo so I would remember it. This blessing will be on the inside of the lid of the box. To some it will be obvious that it is based on some of the elemental blessings/exorcisms from many witchcraft traditions but this was very personal to me. It makes me cry a bit because I was thanking the Goddess for the love she brought me even though my heart was, and still very much is, breaking.
My Summer Vacation
Not the best portent eh? Certainly reflected my state of mind before I began the trip but the drive to this point had started to clear my head and fill my heart. The first song of the journey? Galileo from Rites of Passage by The Indigo Girls. Three hits to the heart son and it’s poetry in motion… Yeup, that was me. Job loss, relationship loss (I knew it in my heart even though it didn’t happen officially until I returned), leave of absence from coven, funeral…
The views were lovely if more appropriate to early autumn (which it kind of is but I need summer right now)…
The further down I got the more sun I saw… Devil’s Punchbowl
Waldport, the town where I stayed for 3 nights had sun the first full day and no others. I did fully enjoy the beach and loved this bridge which made me think of dinosaur spines.
I got some sketching in for a work in progress, a large wood box that I will burn and paint. More on that in a future post.
More fog as I begin traveling further south. Mind you Seattle was in the middle of a heat wave in the very high 90’s (Seattle is a temperate rain forest so temps in the 90’s is unusual and always worth commentary). I went on this vacation to find sun and as soon as I left Seattle, it got sunny there and foggy and cloudy on my trip with rare exception. The day I got back to Seattle? The clouds came in and we’re expecting rain this weekend. Guess the sun isn’t going to come out for me for awhile.
Yachats Oregon is my favorite coastal town from 35 years ago and it still is. I didn’t actually like many of the towns along the coast. The bigger towns were ugly to my eye and lots of evidence of serious recession shows it’s dreary head in Oregon towns these days. But Yachats still charms me and attracts many wonderful artists too. I purchased a small water bowl for west and a new cup, both items for my solitary practice when not in coven space. My first trip to Yachats we stayed with a potter and I made a couple of bowls myself, if I still had them I’d use them, they’d be perfect. So this was in honor of that memory and of my budding artistic expression.
The surrounding landscape was what I was there to see thankfully, not the towns…
Took lots of photos of Vetch, a wild sweet pea, one of my favorites. Very inspired and this might be showing up in my work in the not too distant future… I don’t have photos but saw much wildlife on the trip. On the way down every time I started to think about job woes a raven, an eagle, or a vulture would fly out of the trees right in front of me. Still pondering that one. On a walk with my friends, 4, count them 4!!, snakes crossed my path. They’ve lived there 15 years and never had that happen. As much as snakes give me the complete phobic body twist, I am well aware that they are one of my totem animals and have much to teach me. FOUR. I saw 2 gray whales and one of them gave me a high spout. Elk, deer, pelicans, wonderful. That said, the snakes and the ravens and vultures were really speaking to me this past week…
Thank you to my dear friends who made this trip possible, who showed me lovely locales, and treated me very well when I was so fragile.
The wind is so intense that it can hurt the ears, especially if you are musician who now has ear troubles… It wasn’t cold, just windy.
The music on the way home?
I’m Home
And I feel like shit. It was good to get away but sucks to come back to reality.
Mr. Furnace and I have restructured our relationship. He’s just not ready to exist together in certain ways and if he were a girlfriend I would totally recommend that he spend some time on his own healing from the last disaster. So he’s going to do that. The love is still strong, still there, the caring, the camaraderie, the let’s have coffee or hang out or have dinner, all still there. We just need to take the R word off the table for now. And while that makes me sad, yes, quite sad, no doubt about it, we have not nixed the idea for the future, just not NOW. We had a good talk today, it was healing in it’s own way, we’re on the same page. There’s hope still there (but of course no promises). We are still both interested in the idea of being together as a possibility at a later date, just not NOW. It was clear it wasn’t just me and wishful thinking. The right stuff is there. But darn it any way.
I’ve got nothing better to do that’s for sure. I need to heal my own damn heart. I’m a mess still.
I admit I’m pretty destroyed over this job loss. Not because I miss the job, I don’t. I’m grateful they let me resign gracefully so that my record is clean. But I’m scared about the future. I’m tired of being broke and tired and scared and and and and lonely and alone.
I was fine on the vacation. Did stuff, hung out with dear friends, one of whom I haven’t seen in a decade at least. But I woke up this morning to drive home 550 miles (which I did in 8 hours including pee and gas breaks) and I can’t stop crying. Just crying my eyes out. I wondered if, or more accurately WHEN, that was going to happen.
I’m not digging planet earth all that much today. . . She is a harsh mistress.
Square Wheels
That desire to drive off into the sunset alone has manifested itself into a drive down the Oregon coast for a week. I drove to the mountains yesterday and wanted to keep on driving so bad. I wasn’t prepared though. So I’m taking today to get my act together. I leave tomorrow morning at 6:30. Two days at a KOA campground (hey, a woman alone I want to be around families etc) on the coast then further down, almost to Cali, where I visit with some friends who live in a little hamlet on the coast. They say I can stay as long as I like. Then home. Rocks and sand and seals and wind and water and blessed nature. Aaaahhhhhhhhh.
Mr. Furnace and I spent a couple hours together last night. Finally a low key evening. Nothing to talk about, no oral surgery woes, no decision to make, no talks to have, just quiet time together. It was nice and good and sweet. Even so we both need a break.
He needs down time on good days because of his health issues. 5 planets in Scorpio and add something like the emergency oral surgery? And you have one intense human being. Not sure I can handle that side of him or not. The rest is so wonderful but that intensity really threw me off kilter. Which wasn’t hard to do, I was off kilter already. But the love is there and things are smoothing out, we’re trying to find our balance, it does appear to be the goal of both us, so I’m willing to keep on trucking for a little while longer.
Last night I got some sympathy, some empathy, some caressing, some face to face looking in the eyes time, a kiss or two, some soccer, some Law & Order. It helped. A lot. It was perfect, it’s what we do best. Which is good because I am a wreck and I know it.
He says he has square wheels right now and so do I. 3 mph is about the best we can do. And that is more than enough for me. 0-60 in a year. It’s the Flintstone mobile, we’re pedaling as slowly as we can. Which is good, smell the roses from your Weirdsmobile.
I’m looking forward to the negative ions of the ocean, wind on my face, and some alone time with the mama. I’m exhausted. I need some time for thoughts to percolate, figure out what I need to own and what belongs to someone else. Need some more crying time, some laughing time, some good food with good friends time, some just being time. My feet in the sand, in the ocean, a good book, a big hat, and a nap. I don’t know who I’ll be when I come back but I’m pretty sure it will be me but different.
Here’s a thought from the Cancerian philosopher Gaston Bachelard: “He who listens to the singing of the stream cannot be expected to understand the one who hears the singing of the flame: They do not speak the same language.” While I mostly agree with that poetic formulation, I think you’re about to be a temporary exception to the rule. Normally you are acutely attuned to the singing of the stream; your skill at reading its nuances are supreme among the zodiac. But I expect that in the coming days, you will not only have the power to appreciate the song of the fire; you’ll even be able to empathize with and understand people who are entranced by the song of the fire.
Well that says something good to me. Me and D? Both water signs and both on fire. I generally can read the signs of the stream and the fire. But I could use a boost of mad skillz. It takes a while to learn what another person likes and doesn’t like. Today we’re doing okay on the communication thing. Today is all we ever really have and that’s good enough for me.
Stitch Witch Cottage 