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About Cynthia

I am a textile artist, embroiderer, wood burner, costumer, painter, and weaver who sees magic and change in the chain stitch and a well done Palestrina knot. I wish I had more control over the ways of the human world but alas, all I can control are my actions and my attitude in life and the consistency of my stitches. And sometimes even that doesn’t pan out as hoped and I must rip rip rip.

Spring rains

Lots of folks I know are complaining about the fact that there is no sunshine here this spring. They claim to have lived here in the Pacific Northwest for long periods of time. I’ve lived here 45 years, all but my first three, and my parents are native, as native as white people can be at least. Back when I was young we used to go ice skating on the shores of Lake Washington, something no one could believe nowadays. I got married way back when in March 1981 and my colors were grey and pink for the pussywillows and cherry blossoms against a grey sky. I thought it was beautiful. I don’t remember spring being anything but rainy with occasional sun breaks. Occasional being the operative word.

While it has been grey around here and has sort of misted but not rained I’m actually quite worried about how little it has rained this spring. Thankfully it is raining for real this morning and I’m not concerned about my angelica fainting past it’s pot rim one more time. When I have to start watering my container gardens in April and May, that worries the crap out of me.

I love the seasons here. More and more I find more and more people hating the beauty of weather in all it’s forms. Like my emotions, I don’t see any one manifestation to be good or bad. It just is. It has it’s purpose. Anger is the catalyst for change. Rain is the catalyst for the green that we are known for. I’m just stunned that folks would rather have all sun. It’s so sad. And it keeps one in everlasting grumbleage in a temperate rain forest climate.

For everything there is a season. I think the thing that is most pagan, most witchy, about me, is my love of nature and the seasons in their turn. I learned this love from my parents mostly. Walks in the fall collecting leaves. Walks in the winter snow to get our tree. Snails under wet leaves in the spring, eating the tender shoots and the bane of my mothers existence but so cool to me when I was a kid. Playing in the summer sun on the pond. Discovering the names of birds, caterpillars, the quince that tells me spring really is coming. My mother, the master gardener, the pagan quaker, tells me things are just right. Tis true.

The rain is falling and the robin still sings outside my window. I adore robin song. I adore rain song.

Would I like the sun to shine? Yes. And it’s going to. Really. Soon enough it will be so hot I’ll be longing for autumn’s cool mornings and evenings with the promise of respite. I am in no hurry. The other day I ran across some autumn motifs that made my heart sing and remember how much I love that time of year. It will get here soon enough.

Right now, I’m digging this drip drip drip and warble combined to tell me that this really is spring. I feel so happy peaceful just listening to it. drip drip chirp drip Exactly the way it’s supposed to be. May it always be as it always has been. Exactly the way it was created.

So Mote it Be

Feelings know how to do their jobs

Feelings are within us for a reason. They are the barometers of our spiritual condition. They let us know what our next course of action can be. It took me a long time, a very long time, probably many, many lifetimes to figure this out. Since I was having so much trouble and repeating similar patterns over these many lifetimes, I guess I decided that this time was the time to be done with that particular issue. So I came back as an out of control alcoholic.

In my recovery program we have many sayings, petit bon mot, that help us remember what we are trying to do. Stay sober. The one that I’m thinking about today is H.A.L.T. Never get too hungry, too angry, too lonely, too tired. I’m thinking of it because a family member asked me if I had any advice for them regarding the recent relapse of a mutual loved one. That was what I had.

I’m also thinking of it because I’ve been mulling over this post for a little while now. And when I typed lonely in my email to them, it struck me how I want to write this.

When I got sober I discovered a few things: I let my feelings run me and I had very few that I was accessing. Anger, frustration, sadness, and occasionally happiness or love. But mostly I lived in a cauldron of confusion that would burst out into rage or, occasionally, love. I pretty much had to be drunk to experience love and joy and then best not get too drunk or that would change quickly.

Holy Smokes! That sure is leaving out a lot of the emotions available to us. Yes, they gave us this little emotion face map.

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Notes from the Universe

It’s no one’s responsibility to tell you what your “issues” are, Cynthia, and, contrary to popular thinking, most will not. Which pretty much means there’s only one person you can trust in such matters, and it ain’t me.

Walk like an Egyptian,
The Universe

How apropo is that? That’s just it. It’s also no one’s responsibility to tell me what my life looks like. Which pretty much means it’s also not their right. I get to do that. Period. No one else.

We knew that, right?

Had a different weekend than what I had planned. The weather didn’t pan out and I forgot it was my weekend to answer phones at the 12-step group phone bank. Did not get outside and do one darned thing to the garden. Growing like weeds…

Dinner out Friday night yielded lots of fun and this bill. Cracked me up! I’m the appetizer! Oh, and I’m FREE! Don’t I wish.

I did get the new round of inspired designs onto bag templates and started working on the blackberry design. (Don’t worry, those of you expecting work from me, it’s cool) I’m particularly excited about that blackberry bag. It’s just building itself.

I did more work after taking the photo, which of course doesn’t do it justice…