Author Archives: Cynthia

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About Cynthia

I am a textile artist, embroiderer, wood burner, costumer, painter, and weaver who sees magic and change in the chain stitch and a well done Palestrina knot. I wish I had more control over the ways of the human world but alas, all I can control are my actions and my attitude in life and the consistency of my stitches. And sometimes even that doesn’t pan out as hoped and I must rip rip rip.

Wiccan charms

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Just found this eBay seller who sells things for WICCAN miniature houses. Just bought some little cauldron charms (been looking for those FOREVER) and saw that she has a eensy Book of Shadows, a chalice, a crystal ball, all kinds of cool halloween stuff. *swoon*

http://stores.ebay.com/Pixi-Gardens-Dollhouse-Miniatures

Check this out! Too adorable…

miniwicca.jpg

I’ve always been enchanted by miniature houses, Colleen Moore’s Fairy Castle at the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry comes to mind. But I’ve never thought of one to make myself. I’ve always been drawn to the halloween villages for sale around Samhain but they are always too gruesome or dumb for my tastes. But THIS? I can see myself making my own little miniature temple… Oh yes….

She even has miniature gargoyles. She got me. I’m enchanted. With visions floating around in my head. That will keep my mind off my neck…

Raising my head like the daffodils

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This has been a very difficult winter for me. Difficult for my heart and also, it seems, difficult for my body. My work station in my office is not ergonomic and it appears that it is responsible for acute neck strain and subsequently migraines. I’ve had headaches varying from mild to severe migraine unceasingly for over 3 weeks. I finally took a few days off from work and did nothing. Nothing. Slept. Hung out on the couch. A little reading. Nothing much else. Friday I went to my acupuncturist and by yesterday, Sunday, I had some relief. Hours of relief. Woke up for the first time in days and days without a headache. *ahhhhhhhh*

Trying to work out a better arrangement at work. My monitor is simply too high and it forces me to stretch my neck and head back. Not Good. It might take a day or three to figure out the best way to set this up. Already I can feel my neck starting to freeze up again. And while that doesn’t make me happy, I know there is a solution and that this is temporary. THAT part makes me happy.

This weekend I raised my face to the sun and enjoyed watching the birds in the garden. So did Miss Mitty. We always have one glorious week in February where the sun shines and the rains stop and blossoms make everyone happy to be outside.

mitty02.jpg

What that relief meant for me yesterday was that I got to work on some more of my little cuties, bead dangles. I’ve been working back and forth on charm necklaces in a silver/black/blue/iris set and a gold/russet/black set. One for dark moons and midnight and the other for autumn and Samhain. I plan on making at least one more in misty fae blues and greens and silvers for fae and spring work and perhaps use that for full moons too.

On Friday I showed my Wheel of the Year project to a friend who is teaching an Outer Grove at the moment. And she wants me to come in and speak to the students about using art as a vehicle for figuring out what your own personal correspondences are. I’m so honored! Evidentyly there is lots of moaning about writing their books of shadows when they want to use the computer. She wants them to see that BoS’s don’t even have to be on paper. I’ve attended her Outer Grove myself and one of the assignments is for each student to determine their correspondences for seasons, plants, animals, gems, colors, etc…

I will be bringing in my necklaces too. The bags I make for my tarot card decks (they are legion) match the theme and/or feel of the decks.

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Cancer for the week

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“Never play cards with a man called Doc,” said Nelson Algren in his book A Walk on the Wild Side. “Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.” Whether or not you generally heed cautionary advice like that, I suggest that you adopt a more freewheeling approach in the coming weeks. In fact, given the frontier-prowling, rules-breaking, fun-erupting nature of your current astrological indicators, you may benefit from experimenting with a host of exploits that at any other time might seem iffy or dicey or itchy.

I would have done a lot more than play cards with Doc…

Rule 62! Don’t take yourself so seriously. Guess I need to get out and party.

  • Birthday party this Saturday, check
  • Pagan meetup group this Tuesday, check
  • Friend over on Wednesday, check

Not much else going on, gotta work on that. That’s it for the whole month of March really. Oh, OLOTEAS on the 29th.

Perhaps letting go of lists for the next while is a good idea…

What I have learned

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Jeshua said to me recently: You have learned, as you understand learning, very much in the past few months, and so you are ready now to move into another relationship that is truly just around the corner for you, where you are going to move in again with a bit of trepidation, because you don’t want to take your heart in your hands and put it out there and have somebody stomp all over it.

And I’ve been working on the process of discovering (and admitting) what those things are. It has not been easy because the things that I really learned have to do with me, myself, my actions, my repetitions. These things are difficult to look at, at least these kinds of things are for me. Scary and painful even. Thankfully they pop into my head suddenly. I think I’ve caught them all, grabbing them before they pass on through the ether that is my mind.

I thought it was time to start writing these learned things down so that I don’t forget and so that more will make themselves known to me. So….

I have learned:

  • That I have trouble letting go when someone says they love me. I miss or ignore the warning signs
  • I am attracted to men who need help and who haven’t grown up yet, nice as they might be
  • I want to feel needed
  • It takes me longer to get mad and take action than it used to (yay me)
  • That I don’t deal well when I feel treated as if I’m invisible, HUGE button for me
  • That I really am lovable, that I deserve to be loved completely and wholly (yay me)
  • I really, really don’t want to be in a teacher role with a lover/partner
  • That when a man says he doesn’t know what to do, that perhaps he shouldn’t be in a relationship now that perhaps I should look elsewhere, I really should look elsewhere
  • That I can still get so angry I can’t see straight
  • It would behoove me to shut up when agitated and just listen, don’t assume I know what is going on no matter what I think the facts tell me

That’s enough for now. Dealing with several of these is pretty hard. I don’t like to look back at the relationship and see all the warning signs I ignored. To see how I could have saved myself so much pain if I had just said enough. But I did love him and I did want to help. And he loved me.

And here is the last thing, the last bit I really hate looking at. I misunderstood something that you would think someone my age wouldn’t fall for. But I fell for it big time and I also misunderstood how these things work.

See I knew that we have known each other for many lifetimes. I know that we have been all kinds of relationships for each other. For some reason I twisted that into something like This Is The One Because We Have Been Together So Many Times. What I failed to remember is that we have been with many, MANY people many, MANY lifetimes. It doesn’t mean that they are supposed to be your lover/partner. WHERE did I get that from??? OMG. *sigh* *LAUGH* Dork.

I see now that a part of me was totally operating in fluffy bunny mode. OMG. I will write more on how I see lifetimes spent with other folks at another time but suffice it to say my eyes have been opened. There is a palm print on my forehead.