Category Archives: Life in Love/Like/That Stuff

Lovers and Haters

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The word “hater” has become a cool word these days.   We can trace it back to Middle English so it’s no surprise really that it was used in England in the 60’s.  But I was surprised when it jumped out at me recently.  This is one of the reasons I love Steve Marriott.  Loved all the haters.  I’ve got a long way before I’m that mad, Goddess help me get there sooner in my heart.

Mad John

There was an old man that lived in the greenwood
Nobody knew him or what he had done
But mothers would say to their children, “Beware of Mad John.”

John would sing with the birds in the morning
Laugh with the wind in the cold hand of night
But people from behind their curtains, said he’s not quite right.

John had it sussed he was living the life of a tramp
Yes his bed was the cold and the damp but the sun was his friend
He was free

So here was a wise one who loved all the haters
He loved them so much that their hate turned to fear
And shaking from behind their curtains the loved ones would hear.

Samhain Percolations

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Our coven celebrated Samhain on Wednesday night. It was the full moon too but the group conscience says that we never mix a full moon with Samhain. We concentrate fully on the Sabbat.

far_too

I made a special dish, which I highly recommend, perfect for Samhain and those who are especially connected to Hekate. Chopped hard boiled eggs with mayo and pepper on the bottom layer, sweet onions (saved the walla walla’s for this), cream cheese and sour cream, topped with black caviar. You can take chopped parsley and “frost” the sides too but I didn’t. All Her favorites. Black, white, eggs, onions. Served on crackers, it was delicious. Spendy but I wanted to celebrate all the abundance that I’ve received of late.

Everyone brought their divination tools. Before hand we were drawing cards and ogham sticks and I was getting some really great stuff. Pulled the 9 of cups from my High Priest’s deck. Niiiiice.

We had the ancestor altar and a large dumb supper. I had remembered to bring two photos because I printed them off at work and completely forgot the photos of my ancestors. So I had the photo of me and Joel and one of Steve Marriott. LMAO. I figured that my ancestors were close enough and I did got messages from all of them. But I got a lot of stuff from Joel and Steve. What was really weird is that folks kept saying things that were titles and lyrics from S.M.’s songs, including one of my favorite love songs, Say No More. It was a little uncanny after awhile.

During the ritual we had a lot of drumming and rattles and singing and dancing, really frikking cool, the coolest ever. The God took each of us to the divination corner one at a time while this was going on. I did a brief grounding and meditation, talked to Joel and Steve (and Alva and Lou and Nana and Beebo and Grandpa Uncle Bill), pulled some cards from my DruidCraft deck. Thanks guys, that about sums it up. Smiled my ass off. Suffice it to say that I got a lot of high cup cards that night. Went back to the group, picked up my rattle, and tranced out and yet remained fully there.

Asked an ancestor that was of my blood to show up. I’m adopted so all my ancestors are not of the blood. I was curious who might be connected to me in that way. And I got some voodoo queen, all caribbean, rattles and snakes and fire and blood and rum, Papa Legba and Urzulie. Extremely interesting images and energy. How frikking cool and very curious since my Mom’s family is from Kingston Barbados. Perhaps, blood or no blood, they are still my ancestors.

And I said a long and heartfelt goodbye to Joel, thanked him again for all the good. Asked him to send me someone to love who had many of his qualities and who would be a strong love like ours but without the drunkeness and womanizing. *wink*

It has to be the best ritual I’ve ever attended. I’ve attended a few Samhains that have knocked my socks off, my favorite sabbat of all, but this one was just amazing. I can’t even tell you about the drawing down the goddess part. Really, I can’t even tell you. Holy Mother, it was astonishing though.

So, tonight I’m gonna boogie til the rooster crows or I turn into a pumpkin…

No News

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Is Good News.

I can tell you that meetings with my sponsor are going well. I’ve been doing some 10th step work with her and I have to say she’s been very kind and so far she hasn’t assigned me any amends.  So far so good.  For those who aren’t familiar:

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

I had some questions for her.  Am I walking around with a big shield up? Am I coming across as hardened?  My heart still aches for my parents, still healing from the loss of friends and a family member, still healing from last winter’s severe crack.   Am I too brutally honest? Do I hurt people?  M said he couldn’t be with me because I was brutally honest (after he said I was too old) and even though I don’t trust that, am I?  I’m going to remain vigilant but assume he’s just still raw in general and is only afraid I might be, not that I have been.  Usually if I say something harsh it rings in my head until I apologize. I got no head ringing.

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Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am

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I posted this on FB and Nancy just about lost it.  I like to post songs that reflect what’s up with me that day and she was flabbergasted that I found a song that fit the situation with M and a few other folks so very well…

Well, she was a lady of charms
A string of young boys on each arm
She was good to those who took off all their clothes or played guitar
Love comes days go any way your mind blows
Wham, bam, thank you, mam
We’ll boogie till the rooster crows

He lived alone; love for none
He said pain never hurt anyone
Surprise surprise!
Consumption on the floor
Stretcher out the door and that was it
God forsaken empty shell forgotten in a bad smell
Wham, bam, look out, Sam
The devil claims his own to moan in hell

Shang-a-lang-a, Shang-a-do-lang, Shang-a-lang-a
Sa-i-di ma-moon, sa-i-di ma-moon, Sa-i-di gris gris

Well close your breath, and hold your eyes
Turn the corner of surprise, and there you are
Well Our lives are run by ego freaks
A walking book of rules who seeks
To keep you in your pidgeon hole
And boss you when your soul steps out of line

Texting results

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I got a phone call. One that was cheerful and said that it was the nicest message he’d received in a long time.  To please call him.

So I did.

To only be told that I was right, he’d been giving me mixed messages, that he had wanted me, that the toe in the butt had been a very clear message.  That I was hot enough to have sex with but too old to be in a relationship with, that one day I’d become decrepit and he didn’t want to take care of anyone ever.  Seriously.  He really said that.  He was genuinely surprised that I was poleaxed. That I’m too honest and it scares him.  Dude, you have no idea what I’ve not said.  Lastly, he’s been seeing someone else although it’s not serious.

That settles that.  He’s the one who’s too honest and the other woman is someone he’s chatting with on the internet.  ROFL.  Let me know how that works out for you buddy.

But the too old?  That was one of the most fucked up things anyone has ever said to me.  I’m so glad I didn’t trust him, that I was waiting to see what his colors were.  So very glad I didn’t go for that message.

I did tell him so too.  Nancy, who until now has been his friend, is shocked. He said he might change his mind.  I laughed and said, Dude, I’m not dancing with you three times.  Not. Dancing. Three. Times.

And you know what?  I forgive him.  But boy howdy I am done with this crush.  Done.  DONE.

This post has been severely edited.