Category Archives: Life in the Verse

I’m Going to Fly Anyway

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I’ve done a lot of thinking lately. On Thursday, November 29th, 2012, I discovered a mass in my right breast that I just knew was cancer. An official diagnosis that I was correct came on the winter solstice, Friday, December 21st, 2012, just before I was leaving work for the holiday. A lot has changed since that day and I’ve had a lot to think about.

It’s been a veritable roller coaster ride. I hate roller coaster rides. Just hate them. Hate having my stomach in my throat, especially after chemo.

The valleys have been brutal and more than once I thought that the battle just wasn’t worth it. The long slog back towards health and work overwhelms me still. Last night was another low valley with no sun. I decided to close all my blogs and stop the extra work that blogs are. And then I picked up a new book to read…

Finding Your Way in a Wild New World by Martha Beck

I decided to fly anyway, any way I can. The barriers are lifted. I’m writing this for me. You’re welcome to join in. I’m no longer going to focus on any one thing such as medieval costume, paganism, or this and that. I’m going to tell my story. I’m going to write my book. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. The steps will begin slowly as I’m still getting my feet under me and that is crucial to stepping. I’m not going to hide behind flowery prose. I’m going to say words like fuck. All the time. And I’m going to fly.

STEP

Beezzzz, Miss Mitty, and Uncle Will

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Plodding along through phase 2 of chemo.  Not as bad as the first phase, much better although today is nausea day.  Since I get an infusion every Thursday and this drug is more predictable I pretty much know how I’m going to feel on any given day of the week.  Today is nausea and computer day.

Interesting fact about my chemo. My current drug is Taxol and it comes from the Pacific Northwest Yew.  We have one of these growing up the northeast corner of our house. I’ve always thought of that tree as our protector. A slow grower, it’s 40+ years old and it’s still only about half grown. So I think of my current chemo as a natural drug that is protecting me and ensuring long life.  But ugh.  Tingles in my lips and fingertips, extreme fatique, some nausea but less than before, less hair, but plod plod plod.

I’m currently slowly going through everything I own again. We are getting ready to move on from the home we’ve had almost 40 years. Its a bit overwhelming and one might ask why I’m dealing with this while treating cancer. It helps.  It gives me a bit of structure and I can do it at my own pace.

Miss MItty passed away a couple weeks ago and my favorite Uncle Will passed away last week. I honestly don’t have the heart to write full commentary on Miss Mitty or Will because I get on a crying jag.  But here they are looking all hale and hearty….  I miss them.

MissMitty1

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I just finished a bag for a friend. She is a sacred musician and bee priestess.  I had a lot of fun with this bag.  I’ve sent her photos while she waits for the mail. I hope she doesn’t mind me showing you too.

fluteBag01 fluteBag02

 

May Day

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May Day is Mom’s birthday. A child of the depression she is clever and frugal. When I saw her “God Box” made out of a kleenex box that she decorated with sharpies it touched me very deeply.

Both of us spent decades going to a cabin in the San Juans. It is our special place to get away and has much spiritual connection and power for both of us.

This box is a remembrance of Samish and I dare say Mom might get weepy when she sees it.

More will be revealed..

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Summit talks continue. We may finally get too the core of some things. We both have major past damage. Maybe this is the dark before the dawn… Fingers crossed. This is really hard but evidently not final yet.

More will be revealed.

crappiest chemo to date. nausea and weakness continue. But Sounders !!!

Newt

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So Mr. Furnace and I broke up. I want to write reams and reams about how I was betrayed, because I was, again, but I’m afraid that the black cloud I create will become so large that it will swallow North America so I’m going to go cry instead.

But really dude. While I’m going through Chemo? Really?