edited: Oooooh! Oooooh! This is the 1000th post on this incarnation of my blog… Did I hit the dinger?
I just signed a small contract for a small website. Very small, won’t pay the bills but it will feed me for the next month and covered my car tabs which were due. It’s for someone I know who I like a great deal. It will be fun to put this together, it will get me back in the webs swing, and hopefully shift my working energy even more to the good side. Now the fact that my resume says that I am still self employed at the top is accurate. Bring it on universe, bring it on.
I go to pick up D in 2 hours to take him to the airport. He’s excited but I’m assuming it’s more about the trip than the driver. But more will be revealed and I need that.
My name was “Robbie” from birth till seventh grade. But as my adolescent hormones began to kick in, I decided I needed a more virile stature. My name became the punchier, sleeker “Rob.” But with every year that passes, I find myself heading back in the direction of “Robbie.” The clever severity of my youth yearns to meld with the buoyant tenderness I’ve been cultivating the past decade. I want my paradoxes to harmonize — my blithe feminine qualities to cooperate with my aggressive masculine side, my bright-eyed innocence to synergize with my restless probing. So you can call me “Robbie” if you like, or “Rob,” or sometimes one and sometimes the other. Isn’t it time for you, too, my fellow Cancerian, to circle back and reclaim an early part of you that got lost along the way
Why yes, yes it is time. What I lost was self love and it’s time I get that back. NOW.
The minute I let go yesterday something shifted. I just got a check from a new client for their new website. Not a big site, not a big check, but it gives me some much needed breathing room, a boost of energy, and I’m officially working. THAT? Feels good.
Tomorrow I see D for the first time in two weeks and much has happened in both our psyche’s since we last saw each other and spoke more than a few words. I’m looking forward to it but am nervous also. He just IM’d me and said it would be fun. That’s a good sign.
Please let the wheel be turning up now because I’m wet and sputtering and getting tired of hanging on under water.
Not the best portent eh? Certainly reflected my state of mind before I began the trip but the drive to this point had started to clear my head and fill my heart. The first song of the journey? Galileo from Rites of Passage by The Indigo Girls. Three hits to the heart son and it’s poetry in motion… Yeup, that was me. Job loss, relationship loss (I knew it in my heart even though it didn’t happen officially until I returned), leave of absence from coven, funeral…
The views were lovely if more appropriate to early autumn (which it kind of is but I need summer right now)…
The further down I got the more sun I saw… Devil’s Punchbowl
Waldport, the town where I stayed for 3 nights had sun the first full day and no others. I did fully enjoy the beach and loved this bridge which made me think of dinosaur spines.
I got some sketching in for a work in progress, a large wood box that I will burn and paint. More on that in a future post.
More fog as I begin traveling further south. Mind you Seattle was in the middle of a heat wave in the very high 90’s (Seattle is a temperate rain forest so temps in the 90’s is unusual and always worth commentary). I went on this vacation to find sun and as soon as I left Seattle, it got sunny there and foggy and cloudy on my trip with rare exception. The day I got back to Seattle? The clouds came in and we’re expecting rain this weekend. Guess the sun isn’t going to come out for me for awhile.
Yachats Oregon is my favorite coastal town from 35 years ago and it still is. I didn’t actually like many of the towns along the coast. The bigger towns were ugly to my eye and lots of evidence of serious recession shows it’s dreary head in Oregon towns these days. But Yachats still charms me and attracts many wonderful artists too. I purchased a small water bowl for west and a new cup, both items for my solitary practice when not in coven space. My first trip to Yachats we stayed with a potter and I made a couple of bowls myself, if I still had them I’d use them, they’d be perfect. So this was in honor of that memory and of my budding artistic expression.
The surrounding landscape was what I was there to see thankfully, not the towns…
Took lots of photos of Vetch, a wild sweet pea, one of my favorites. Very inspired and this might be showing up in my work in the not too distant future… I don’t have photos but saw much wildlife on the trip. On the way down every time I started to think about job woes a raven, an eagle, or a vulture would fly out of the trees right in front of me. Still pondering that one. On a walk with my friends, 4, count them 4!!, snakes crossed my path. They’ve lived there 15 years and never had that happen. As much as snakes give me the complete phobic body twist, I am well aware that they are one of my totem animals and have much to teach me. FOUR. I saw 2 gray whales and one of them gave me a high spout. Elk, deer, pelicans, wonderful. That said, the snakes and the ravens and vultures were really speaking to me this past week…
Thank you to my dear friends who made this trip possible, who showed me lovely locales, and treated me very well when I was so fragile.
The wind is so intense that it can hurt the ears, especially if you are musician who now has ear troubles… It wasn’t cold, just windy.
August is Banish Your Superstitions Month, Cancerian. To celebrate this auspicious festival, purge yourself of every irrational belief and unfounded fear you can stand to live without. But also keep in mind that you may have to keep a crazy delusion or two, at least for a while. You’ve become so used to your chronic anxiety that it might be risky to get rid of it all at once. So proceed deliberately, casting off one false belief today and another quaint fallacy tomorrow and a third rotten figment of your imagination next week. By September 1, you may be surprised to see how high you’ve ratcheted up your level of fearlessness.
Gee, what irrational belief and/or unfounded fear would that be? The one where I’m unemployable? Or the one where men can’t stand me after a month and go from love and affection to utter rancor overnight? Or the one where I think living on this fucked up planet with random beauty is fun? The one where I’m unlovable? Gee Universe, you’re making it so easy I can’t stop dancing…
Gee I just love hearing from the people in my life all my horrible faults and I love hearing them while being amazed at feats of rage and insanity.
Gee I love being verbally attacked and then being belittled and raged at because I’m defensive.
Gee, I just love being yelled at and accused of being a self centered addict with an agenda who only thinks of herself and what she wants.
Gee, I just love being told none of the faculty like me.
Gee.
Are any of these things true? Depends on whose point of view you’re asking for.
From mine? I need to go live in the woods with my cat and stay as far from humans as possible if I’m going to make it in this world. And yet that worked so well for Christopher McCandless. NOT.
Stitch Witch Cottage 