Trolls

It’s been years since I participated in a flame war online.  It’s been years since I got entangled with a troll.  These days I either stumble into it and then leave but mostly I’m never on the online forums so I never run in to it.  The truth is, especially when I was drinking, I might have been a troll a time or two myself.  It’s one reason I recognize it.  Whether I was the troll or not, I always got entangled, caught by the hook.

Today I ran into it.  And I stayed to play.  I’m tired of shlepping, I’m tired of cleaning, I’m tired of fending off Dad.  I bit.  But at least today I was not the Troll.

65 facebook comments to a question a friend posted asking about born again white light experiences that were not religiously specific.

She posted hers, I posted mine, She said wow yours was cool, I said wow so was yours  xoxox, xoxox

What was really amazing was that my friend said in her experience she called Jesus and he spoke to her.  She calls Brighid these days but we started talking about how the deities that you call, generally come and say hi.

Then a friend of hers popped up and told me I was crazy and a Christian and not a witch.

Really? How sir did you get Christian?  The Being/Entity/Energy that I saw and heard didn’t tell me their religious affiliation and they didn’t tell me that They have a friend in Jesus.

U Crazy

uh

Wingnut

are you sure?

die

why you so angry

whore

does all this energy taste good

hag – I’m leaving  (oops had that on the wrong line which messed everything up)

okay

why are you still here

I’m not leaving, I’m staying for the discussion

immature wingnut christian whore nutbag

Yuuuummmmmm.

I know that I have come so far!  Awesome!  I laughed.  I thought it was pretty sad, then he pulled this card:

Our mutual friend told me last night that you are a wingnut.

Now, while she might have said something like Cynthia’s a little different with her theories but she loves me.  I know this.  She has been a tried and true friend, more than any other last year.   We love each other.  But a part of me wondered.

gnat

go away and die right now

3 fold return

bitch fuck off

no

cast the first stone

hey didn’t jesus say that? you must be a christian then!

FUCK OFF AND DIE BITCH

I need a shower *shields up*

So much progress, so far to go.

Transitions

My brother flew out this morning.  He did very well for the time he was here.  What we had to do was extremely stressful for all involved and with only one small dust up I’m proud of them all.  I wore my High Priest’s emerald necklace to keep me in cool love for the duration and it helped immensely.  We have built up a momentum that I hope to keep going through the spring.

The basement rec room, small bedroom, and bath are officially going to be mine.  Before March is over.  O joy, rapturous, delicious heaven.  O space, oh pleasant, private space of my own away from the frantic edge of CNN, away from the 6am beeping of the microwave, into my own little retreat. O bliss.  O Gracious Goddess and Great God, grateful thanks for your genius, bounty, and timing. Next time it would be nice not to have change brought about by a house fire but I must admit the results are glorious to me.  Can you say incense?  I haven’t been able to burn incense for a year now.  Privacy to practice my circle building skills.  Privacy for ritual.  This witch, this artist, is just over the moon happy about all this.

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Three’s the Charm? Uncle? FIRE!!!

The fire trucks are gone.  The windows are open.  The cat is safe. The humans are safe.  The burned mattress no longer smokes in the front yard.

I awoke at 6:00am trying to find that alarm clock that keeps going off on random days that my parents can’t hear because they’re deaf and are sleeping.  I start downstairs and hear it’s actually the smoke alarm and my mother yelling FIRE!  Call 911!!


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Carriage Wit

Even though I know that I did everything I could to please my ex-boss and even though I know she is crazy and that her colleagues and my co-workers all said that I had the hardest job there and that she was a very difficult person to please, if not impossible, I’m bruised.  I was warned and yet I feel burned.

I’m trying not to take this personally but it’s pretty tough. It was personal.  She hated me for not being her last assistant and every thing she did showed it.  Friday was just disgusting, that mask she wore in front of the two personnel people she had in her office to fire me.   Thank you sooo much for all you did for me, I really like you as a person, hardest thing for me to do, blah blah blah.  Uh huh.  If that were so, we wouldn’t be here having this conversation beotch.

I’m so fucking angry and I feel so powerless.  This week I get to go to the Food Bank. Can’t wait.  It’s ironic that when my tax return came in that I sent money to our local Food Bank.  Can hardly wait to start eating a diet of carbs and gain all my weight back.

  • At least I’ll have the time during daylight to take long walks, that’s something.
  • At least I have a couple projects in the works that don’t need money right now.
  • At least I have my life.

But I feel woefully missing of my pride and my financial security and peace.  I had just spent $750 on Miss Mitty and me with our health.  That hurt even when I had the job.  The itty bitty shitty committee keeps popping up telling me what I should have said, what she deserved to hear.  The Scarlet Pimpernal called it “Carriage Wit,” what you think to say on the ride home.  *sigh*

What did I get out of that whole messed up experience?  The knowledge that I had the opportunity to tell her what I really thought and I didn’t.  I had the opportunity to blackmail her with some information that could do great damage to her pride and her career but also eventually her pocketbook and I didn’t.  I managed to improve myself in very good ways as an employee despite her claims that I didn’t. I also managed to find detachment and completely practiced restraint of pen and tongue.  All very difficult things for me to do in the past.

I have no idea what the future holds, I’m nervous. I’m afraid of getting depressed again.  I’m afraid of losing my belongings again.  I don’t want to go there this time.  I’m trying to come up with ways to protect myself, to stay positive, and to bring in abundance in a time of lack.

I’ve got my work cut out for me.

One HUGE difference?  The girlfriends have come out of the woodwork.  I’ve got all kinds of dates to go out for lunch or a show, their dime, for the next three weeks.  I certainly have the good girlfriends in abundance.  Yes, that includes you all.  Thank you so much for your support as I bring myself out of a tailspin.