Recovery, One Night Stands, and Choices

Greg asked a question in the comments from this post.  As I began to respond I realized that it was really a full post.  You know how I can go on…

“You mention that alcoholics tend to fall too quickly, going into stages of intimacy before it might be wise. To me, someone without addiction issues, this sounds damn near like a lot of people I know. We tend to go for love so quickly and sink into its beautiful disorientation because of how it makes us feel. Can you clarify the difference for me? I’m curious to know.”

Greg, that is a very good question.

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The excitement, the agony, the passion, the waiting

The Chicken Man.  Oh yes, this is not about The Egg Man.

A little story…

Several years ago I met a man who I was instantly attracted to, I’ll call him The Biker Folk Singer, er , no that’s too long, I’ll call him M. (I will also say that I never gave The Forgiven or anyone else any inclination that I was uber attracted to M., I have more class than that) I could tell there was chemistry. But he had about a week sober and was pretty gray around the gills.  I figured it was my broken picker going, once again, for a messed up alcoholic.  Over the years he’s stuck around and has real sobriety.  We have a casual friendship, always friendly, always a little something there.  But he started dating someone when he had about 6 months.  (not thought highly of in the programs but he was a newcomer and so was she and they didn’t know any better.  And his picker was seriously broken too)  Any way… Lots to tell behind the cut.

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Just Saying

More later…

Was it the pull of the moon now baby
That led you to my door
You say the nights got you acting crazy
I think its something more
Ive never felt the earth move honey
Until you shook my tree
Nobody runs from the law now baby
Of love and gravity it pulls you so strong
Baby you gotta hold on

If I fall youre going down with me
You’re going down with me if I fall
You can’t take back every little chill you give me
You’re going down with me heart and all ooh yeah

We’re hanging right on the edge now baby
The wind is getting stronger
We’re hanging on by a thread now honey
We can’t hold on much longer
It’s a long way down but its too late

If I fall you’re going down with me
You’re going down with me if I fall
You cant take back every little chill you give me
You’re going down with me heart and all ooh yeah

Ooh baby I couldn’t get any higher
This time I’m willing to dance on the wire
If I fall…if I fall

cause if I fall you’re going down with me
You’re going down with me if I fall
You cant take back every little chill you gave me
Your going down with me heart and all

If I fall…if I fall…ooo yeah

Oh yes the flow is flowing

I don’t know why I can tell I just can.  Problems are being solved in record time, answers coming.  Found a refillable inexpensive fountain pen and was able to pay for them with a gift card so basically free.  Met a friend for coffee, he is also my very first client, and got paid so I can make my car payment.  Figured out that my laptop has a switch on the side that turns wireless on and off. Thank goodness I found that.  Cuz I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t connect.  Little things but I know that the *pop* is coming.  When everything bursts out of the bottleneck that was 2008 and starts moving along quickly.

Not much to say, working on my assignments, cooking for myself again, reading books again, stitching again.  All in all, feeling better than I have in some time.  Yay me.

And the damn begins to break

Things have been so stagnant of late. It’s been very difficult to be patient. The snow began to melt a couple days ago and today it was actually very clear. I got out to the folk’s for a belated birthday and Christmas lunch. I actually haven’t felt this good in a very long time. I feel clean. Free. As though something is going to happen. The job is coming. I can feel it. I don’t know why I feel it now when I didn’t just last week or last month.

After lunch I went to the High Priestess’ house. I knew that the vote at the coven was 100% yes. But she had some things she wanted me to talk to her about. And we did talk. And I now begin the work towards my initiation that is tentatively scheduled for April 8th. I wanted time to make some things by hand and to have the money together to get my athame. I’ve looked at athames for sale for a long time and so far haven’t found anything I liked that I could afford.

I have a lot of writing to do. It was suggested I get a fountain pen but it appears that it is getting very difficult to get a fountain pen that is inexpensive. Sadly Sheaffer has discontinued their inexpensive refillable line and it appears so has everyone else. A trip to the bookstore tomorrow, they might have some art supplies that will suffice. It has to be new and if it’s refillable I don’t have to bless new pens but can bless all the refill cartridges at once and it’s easier. Otherwise I’ll have to bite the bullet and just bless new pens. Could be worse. After all the stress of the last few months it seems like such a small matter.

I am finally, after all these years of either not finding the right group or feeling the timing wasn’t right, I am finally taking the steps to take initiation and begin more rigorous training.

And so the work begins, things are starting to flow again, movement is happening. I feel as though the new year has begun already and that it is going to be a good one.

Oh. Kingstone.