So yeah, The Chicken Man.  Met him.  No doubt.  No kidding.  No pie in the sky bullshit dream because I want it so bad I mistake it for something it isn’t.  This is it and the ride has begun. Meet D, Mr. Furnace.  D, meet the peoples.  Now for the background and build up to make you wait still further in suspense.

As you know, I had what I considered a prophetic dream a couple of years (!) ago.  And I’ve referred to the hoped for person as the Chicken Man.  Since then I’ve kept my eyes open and I’ve thought I found him a couple times for about, well a second, and in one stellar case of disaster and disappointment and eventually at least friendship, 3 weeks.

What I got from that harsh lesson was finally arriving at the point where I gave up hope and stopped looking for the Chicken Man.  You know the one, every time you’ve been single and looking again some friend, who you love but want to duct tape her mouth shut says, “it always happens when you least expect it.” That one right?  Maddening.  But you know it’s true even though it totally pisses you off and then the dismay of realizing that turning yourself off that way is oh so hard because how do you make yourself believe something like that when you simply don’t want to, you want to make it happen, how could you stop hoping?  Looking?  You know its true and that it’s your only hope and yet, if you’re like me, you cling to old ways.  The only way most of us, okay me, can get to the point of least hope, least expectations, is to fail.

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I’ve been negotiating the waves of energy provided by the universe.  Finding out what and how much I’m ready for.  Free falling as I live in faith that exactly the right thing is going to happen at exactly the right time.  Patience is a virtue I am finally discovering that I have, in more quantities than I ever dreamed.   Good, no GREAT, things are worth it.

Read this the other day and am proud to put myself in the Woman category:

“It is at this exact juncture that we separate the girls from the women. A girl attempts to soothe herself by taking potshots at others — “All guys suck” — and mocking her own need to love and trust others. A woman opens herself to the possibility of disappointment in love and vows that somehow, some way, she will remain open to it anyway, an extraordinary act of courage. To recognize and take in betrayal–to admit that it is possible no matter how smart or careful you are–and still choose love, is to stand on the razor’s edge between wanting safety through love (and holding yourself and your partner hostage to this need) and knowing that such safety is impossible.
~ Susan Piver

The man I mentioned several weeks ago?  Things are going swimmingly.  Riding waves of excitement and bliss and sacredness and fear and love and holy cow this takes work and I think I finally grew up and in all the good ways energy.

Life is very, very good today.  OMG.  I can not share with you the way I did with M.  M. was  test waffle #2. He taught me what not to do, again, and I have learned my lesson.  And D?  He is teaching me too and forcing me to test my vows to myself.  It’s hard living up to the principles we set for ourselves when we are wounded and yet determined to try again.  Yesterday we moved from getting to know each other and quick hugs goodbye to long, more energy laden, hugs and ripping ourselves apart at the door.  No innuendo there, just energy passing intensely with very little physical connection but more than before.  The conversation changed dramatically today and D. and I have much to talk about indeed.  He talks as much as I do and this is going to be good.  I can feel it in my bones.  We both need time, are both damaged from past disasters and so are taking it very slow and I’m liking that a great deal.  I’m in a constant state of heightened awareness however and the sleep is not happening as much as I need it to. 4 hours a night for a week is kicking my butt.  Tonight I hope to get some domestic things in order and then crash like a big dog in preparation for our midnight rendevous Friday night.

Oh, and the job still rocks too.