What Is That?

Now is the time between leaving my coven and meeting with the High Priestess to tie up loose ends. It is the quiet time. I find myself really considering what it is I want to do now with my practice. For many years my practice was very quiet, a daily devotion for certain but nothing really magical or celebratory, just a solitary, peaceful, constant connection with the, hmmm, divine seems too large and important, but you know, that simple knowing it’s all one. With occasional forays into magical workings.  Generally in the past I only did real focused magic in a circle when I had real need. My magic was magic of the kitchen stove, magic of the tended garden, magic of the french knot, magic of a good night’s sleep and a purring cat. Worked for years and now I know, I had what I needed. I needed to know that.

I also find myself asking what is my connection with deity right now? Do I still feel connected to the deities that have been part of my daily devotions? Have I felt connected to all of them? Daily? WHO is speaking to me now? I’m feeling a need for major simplicity in my life, not just spiritually either.

(This is a funny aside but as I started typing this about my High Priestess my phone rang and it was her, or so I thought, but it was my teacher calling from the HPs’ phone and I heard her in the background going, oh wrong number and I said “I was JUST thinking about you” and they said they’d call me tomorrow. How wild is that? Still connected, yes indeed. That was kind of weird.)

So I’m down here getting ready to finalize a project I really want off my plate (I must get these projects for others off my plate, I simply MUST) and my nephew, who is 8 years old, came down. He stood in front of my altar and pointed at Herne/Cernunnos and said “who/what is that?”  Hmmmm. That is the Lord of the Animals, he makes sure that the animal world works right.  “And who is that?” he asks.  That is the Goddess of the Harvest, she takes care of the grains and the fruit. “And them?” That is the statue of the three aspects of the Goddess Brighid, she rules over childbirth, the forge, and poetry. “Ah poetry.” He likes poetry, my nephew is no ordinary boy. I showed him how to use my singing bowl and then he went upstairs as they were getting ready to leave tonight. They fly away tomorrow and I am the sad. (I want to point out that he did not touch one thing on my altar. He is a very curious boy, yay!, but he instinctively knew not to touch but point only. I hadn’t said a word about it.)

I found it so interesting to be in the place to tell him in the simplest ways possible, in the most approachable ways possible, about my altar and the eensiest glimpse into my spiritual practice. And I realized that his curiosity really helped me coalesce what it is that connects me today. Lady of the Harvest and the Moon and the Lord of Death and Resurrection and the Sun. That’s it. Simple. Forgive me all you others as I pull in as the year really becomes dark.  As I allow things to percolate in the hibernation and quiet work of the dark half of the year. More will be revealed. We are always connected, You are always revered. Even if I don’t say your names every day, nothing has really changed.

You can see here a variety of things on my altar, special coins including sobriety year coin and one silver coin with an engraved charm made for me and charged.  Jesus and Mary Magdalene as a couple. Lakshmi. Copper plates, one for Mercury and one for Lakshmi. A small citrine orb and one blown glass orb with a waves and crescent moon. The spiral goddess.  A feather fan of local bird feathers including crow, jay, sparrow and pigeon. My cauldron for stick incense. Hekate’s black dog. My white handled knife. Bits and bobs.

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You Know It’s Right When…

… you feel great Great GREAT after making a very difficult decision.  I got a lovely email from my HPs and all is well, she thanked me for being graceful about it. Which means a great deal to me.

D is back to being Mr. Furnace, things have turned up just a notch this week.  We are still dialed back and taking things slow but we just went up another stair in the winding staircase that is our relationship.  We had a nice talk this afternoon and he took some risks.  I’m proud of him, I’m proud of me, and I feel FANTASTIC.

Oh yes I do.

Creativity is flowing and there isn’t enough time in the day in my life right now. I’m going from the moment I awake to the moment my head hits the pillow.  Sleeping really well even with the dreams.

Job interview Thursday morning, hope it goes well.

Someone wrote me and asked for a commission and the design is in progress…  It called me and makes me happy too. I think the rabbit speaks to me strongly right now. Fertile, bouncy, happy, joyous, and free.

Birds

Right after I sent the letter I left the house to go to a noon meeting.  Needed a meeting!

I opened the door and instantly about 30 pigeons, in a very loud manner, WHOOSHED right by me from left to right.  Wow.  It was intense.  Very loud, the energy passing into my future in a hurry.  Did something just speed up now that I’ve let go of a 30 year old fantasy?

I want to thank those of you who have written me in the comments and privately.  I’m extremely grateful for your support and validation.  It has been very difficult coming to this decision but I feel lighter, stronger, than I have in a long time.  People who I trust and respect have really stepped up to the plate.  Thank you, you know who you are.  And thank you D.  I trust you with my life and am so glad to have a friend who will always tell me the truth as he sees it, no people pleasing from you.  A rare gift some days. You are my closest friend.

Let’s hope my new fruitful future is winging it’s way to me quickly.

Trying to Take the High Road

Final draft of my letter, don’t know how to send.  I think I need to call HPs and talk to her first then submit letter…  I’ve tried to make this as unemotional, as kind, as low key as  I possibly could.

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After much contemplation I have decided to leave the coven.  I had hoped, at times, that I would come to a different conclusion and I know that HPs in particular hoped I would wait until Yule but I can not. I’m sorry. I need to move on now and don’t need this hanging over my head.

This is not simply about the incident that happened at Lammas although that plays a part in this of course. That incident has only further illuminated what I was feeling already.  I am convinced that I am not a good fit as a coven mate.  That is all I will say on that matter.

While our trad’s ritual is a beautiful thing and many times I’ve been touched by the beauty of how it manifests in the coven, in general it is not speaking to me.  I’ve mentioned this before. I’m looking for something different in my practice I know now. I’ve sought to be part of a BTW coven for over 2 decades so no one is more surprised than I to find that I was seeking something that wouldn’t fit.  But there it is.  There was no way to know this prior to initiation really. It’s an oathbound path so how could we know?  I have no regrets on that score, you all made my initiaion one of the most beautiful and meaningful of my life.  Even so, it’s not enough for me to continue. Please accept my apologies if I’ve wasted anyone’s time. I’ve learned a great deal in my time with you and am grateful for all of it.

I hope to remain on good terms with you. In my experience it’s best to make a clean break so all can find acceptance and then come back after some healing has been done to find a new way to be friends. I know that not all will want to and that’s okay. Those who do, Merry Meet, Merry Part, and Merry Meet Again!

Thank you for the love you have shown me and brightest blessings to you all!

Love,Cynthia

Halcyon Days and Bitter Sweet

Got time? There’s much here for me to process…

When I was about 12 I shoplifted a book from the local grocery. Baaaaad Girl. Baaaaad Witch. What was the title you ask? Good question! The book was Diary of a Witch by Sybil Leek. It changed my life. I knew that I was one too.

That was 1971. I began my spiritual seeking at the time. I tried my parents Quaker meeting, my friend’s Baptist, Chinese Baptist, Catholicism, Buddhism, whatever I could get my hands on. I actively sought out spiritual experiences. I was so young then and I have a memory of me skipping down the street on a very sunny day on my way to church. I earned a bible at that church for reciting the 23rd Psalm from memory. It was the entire class all at once so don’t tell that I fudged it okay? I still have that bible, I’ve never read it.

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Blackberry Box

Brief update: It’s been a crazy busy couple of weeks and my head is still spinning, my body still rejuvenating its energy stores. Pretty darned tired lately. Plugging away on jQuery, it’s so much easier with an instruction book thank goodness for the folks who write the Dummy books. The house renovations continue a little behind schedule due to weather and flu but should be all done in time for my brother’s arrival in two weeks  Can hardly wait!!!

Work in Progress

5″ x 5″  for etsy store… I realized this morning that colors remind me of the Waking the Wild Spirit Tarot. Not my intention but that’s how the organic process goes… It wasn’t intentional but I see now as I link to the deck that even the triangles are reminiscent. This design is over 2 years old and was used in a similar way on my Blackberry Tarot bag here and here.