Never even saw it coming. Knew something was going on but not THIS. Getting through the days.  Utter Betrayal and Lies. Thank Goddess my job is so busy I can keep breathing a bit.  But not sleeping much and eating comes and goes.  Trying to let go and move on.

So, I’m having a ponder. Part of me misses my blog life and part of me doesn’t. I miss some of you for sure but not the pressure to post regularly. So, I decided not to renew my customization options and this one looked like a pretty theme.

But we shall see.

I love my job!!! They love me!!! I’m getting paid well and lots of good strokes. I am the top producer in the company by a huge margin and man does it feel good to feel competent. I get a bonus every month and last month I got a bonus on my bonus. Wow!! I go to work every day, used two sick days because I was totally sick, not because I couldn’t bear to be there.

Mr. Furnace and I are fighting and trying to figure out if it’s worth saving. We are negotiating some things this weekend but it looks pretty bleak. Mostly he likes to rescue hopeless causes and I can only stand one of his fucking projects at a time and he has two right now. It’s tearing us apart. We shall see. I’m pretty fed up and while it would hurt to leave, I can totally survive this. I am too tired to fight any more and too tired to keep having to say, Hey! I need you too!!! MORE!!! No, that Damned For All This Lifetime Crack Ho you met at some free breakfast and kept running into and then let stay in your place while you were away but I couldn’t visit your house all summer is not okay. Noooo, it was my house or the mountains, neither of which was a bad thing and we had some very good times but rain is coming and I’ll be damned if I do all the fucking heavy lifting in this relationship and I’ll be damned if my only option is you not having them in your house is the best you can do for a compromise.  The constant phone calls, the blocked phone calls, the interrupted dates because some hobag got so wasted she cut her foot on glass and now you are telling your apartment manager to let her in to clean herself up?  and that??? is just the tip of tte iceberg. And why am I too tired for this? Did I tell you I am the top producer in my company, bringing in the most revenue?

Dad is still alive and wants to come home but he can’t and Mom and I are rattling around in the house really well. Our relationship has really blossomed although right now I’m tired because why? I’m the top producer in my company.

So I’m paying my bills, keeping my car, sleeping on a new bed with an amazing mattress for the first time in my life. I get very regular massages because my new insuranace pays 65% of it.

Life is pretty good. Even being mad at Mr. Furnace right now can’t squelch the fact that my life is pretty good right now. Because you know what? If it doesn’t work out with him I am pretty happy on my own.

Is a great day.

It’s also my mother’s birthday.  Saturday we are going to lunch at our favorite nursery, Swanson’s, where they have a nice little cafe to rest your feet in between looking at their amazing selection.  Then we go to visit dad where we will open presents.  Dad is trying his best to adjust to the Adult Family Home he’s going to be living in for the rest of his life poor guy. We do what we can.

This is what I made for mom.  It’s not “Fine Art” but I think this will mean more to her than most things I could do.

(Sorry for the photo quality, taken from my phone with artificial light.)

Goodness, I’ve had a blog for years.  At least 5 or 6 years.  I’m ready for change. I’ve been journaling about my life for a long time and there have been some very hard times and growing times going on.  Having an outlet has really been great. Having support from random goodness out there in the world has been really great.  I don’t know if I would have made it without this blog.  I no longer feel a big need to talk about my life, my process.  I’ve made it to the other side.

I no longer feel the need to talk about my spiritual life either. I feel drawn to express my spiritual life artistically.  There is so much cool stuff out there happening in the art world, people like me just drawn to creating.

I think I’m going to let this thought play around in my head and I’m going to be away for a little while.  Watch for a new look and a new focus….

(Update: Dad is being moved to a home as the skilled nursing place says he’s improved all he’s going to improve which breaks my heart a little. Life is good, so very good, so very precious, so bittersweet, and while mom and I are doing well (work is fab Mr Furnace is the love of my life) we are just exhaustified. Just overwhelmed and exhausted. I might not be back here, I honestly don’t know.  We shall see. I’m sure energy will return and inspiration will breath new life into me but right now I’m not making promises. )

LOVE LOVE LOVE you guys!