Category Archives: Life with the Family

The Waiting

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Waiting… I’m getting better at it.

Work

It’s been an interesting week on the job front.

I knew two weeks ago that I didn’t get a certain job I applied for, the signs were all there. So when they called me last week to schedule a third interview was kind of disappointed. See, I’m really wanting to manifest that one job, the plum. Being in a position to have to choose or accept a different position because I would be a total fool to say no to anyone, well I was trying not to assume and not to future trip, but it made me nervous.

So I had the interview for the plum on Monday. It well went but I’ve learned that it means nothing. There are absolutely no indicators that you did or did not get a job until they say you did or didn’t get the job. I had the interview on Wednesday, the third for that one job. It gave me breathing room. But things are getting interesting.

They told me that they felt my qualifications, especially technically, were superior to the position I originally interviewed for. They are looking at me for another position, one that would be the lead producer on their mobile/apps division. Holy Guacamole!!!  So we had a nice chat and I wait.

I’m in the running for both jobs.  They are both great jobs. Great for my resume. One will offer more money but lesser benefits than the other. The other will offer me great benefits and my seniority back. I wait.

I really hope that one of them offers me a place.

Love

Mr. Furnace asked me a couple weeks ago to see each other exclusively.  Not that either of us were dating anyone else but it is a real step and it is is an agreement between two people.  After that he asked me to his parent’s home for Christmas Day dinner.  That is a real step.  Last week he said we are “official.”

Before anyone make the leap that I’m not acting like an independent woman or that this is old school or what the hell ever I have to say this. Mr. Furnace is, in his words, “an uber fixer upper.”  He is correct in this statement. I am an uber fixer upper too. We have been doing this grand experiment for 7 months now.  Holy Moly.  We still only hold hands and cuddle and stuff. But the kisses are no longer grandma kisses.  The steps of progress might be subtle to others but given time, like I have, I see the steps very clearly.  It is good. It is fabulous! I’m starting, just starting, to feel comfortable. To feel safe. I’ve never felt that in a relationship, not really. And there is still room for me to grow here, I am not fully comfortable or safe or trusting. But I’m getting there and I’m getting there honestly, slowly.  It is the right thing to do.

Home

Dad is really starting to fail. Poor guy.  He knows when he’s confused and confused he really is. Mom is getting tired and I’m starting to get opportunities to help more, especially this week since she had cataract surgery. She has another one in 2 weeks. She can’t drive but there are other helpers. He remains mostly cheerful against the pain and disappointment of losing his mind. We are getting the social workers involved, we need someone to help us find options for home care and eventually outside living arrangements.

Creativity

I’m working on the Rigid Container (search for posts). The final stages of gold painting and possible burning before final varnish.  Soon, soon, photos.

Over all a good start to the New Year….

 

The Week in Cancer

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In the 1925 silent film The Gold Rush, Charlie Chaplin plays a prospector during the Alaska Gold Rush. After a series of adventures, he finds himself stuck in a remote cabin on Thanksgiving Day with a ruffian named Big Jim. They’re out of food, so Charlie gets resourceful, boiling his right shoe in a big pot and serving it up steaming hot. What the audience doesn’t know is that the movie prop is made of sweet licorice, not leather. So while it may seem that dinner is a hardship, the actors actually had no trouble polishing off their meal. I see a similar scenario in your near future, Cancerian: something like eating a “shoe” that’s made of candy.

Well I LOVE licorice, especially sweet black licorice. I could always use extra sweetness in my life.  Still waiting for news on the job front.  Don’t know if I’m going to be called for the third interview or not, these folks run a little slow.

New tires, new wiper blades, Miss Mitty UTI emergency (bloody trails all over the house one day when I woke up) which meant a huge financial hit but she’s doing better…  Glad I was able to take care of these things thanks to a generous friend.  Life is life…

Mr. Furnace and I celebrated his birthday last night with a quiet delicious dinner, a chocolate torte, and a hand made present.  It is a personal inside joke so I can’t share. It was lovely and sweet and we are holding hands and it’s just precious. The love thing is going very well, I’m just quite pleased. We are starting to know each other on deeper levels, to understand how the other ticks, to really grok each other and it’s awesomeness. He calls me dearest and wowest and my heart just melts. I tell you, I didn’t do this ever in my life, get to know someone this well before physical intimacy but it ROCKS and I’m so glad to be experiencing this with him because he didn’t either. It’s enough to make you sick it’s so precious.

I’m finally caught back up after the family visit from France. Halloween was a blast, we had walks and meals and hang outs and laughed a lot. It was good. My nephew and I really got to bond this visit, he speaks very good english now and my french is a little better every time. We made stuff and watched movies and talked about Robin Hood.  He loved coming down to my little abode and hanging out and I loved it back. I love being an auntie.  These are the friends he gets to trick or treat with when in Seattle. He’s the cowboy.

Family life is quiet, Dad gets a little more befuddled as the weeks go by but his attitude is basically good and that makes for a nice quiet home life over all.  I’m trying to participate more in must the check ins with them, it seems to make Mom comfortable and that means I’m comfortable.

It’s rainy and dark and chilly, they’re talking snow this weekend which is amazing for this part of the world, this early. I’m hunkering down and very busy with the making of Yule gifties.  Knitting, pyrography, designing, drawing, sewing, and trying to get some entertainment reading in now and then as well as enough sleep and not too many goodies because that season has begun.  The season of food and more hippage than my pants allow.

That’s all the news from Lake Wobegon. Have a lovely day and one day closer to the return of the sun.

Original Family

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This week’s cancer horoscope by Rob Brezsny:

For the moment, set aside your complaints about the transgressions of your original family. Cease your laments about the struggles you had to endure as a child. If you enjoy marinating yourself in those sorrows, you can always return to them at a later date. Here are the opportunities that are now available to you: to focus on the gifts that your early life blessed you with . . . to acknowledge the resources bequeathed to you by the past . . . to celebrate and access the primal power that has been yours to draw on since the day you were born.

Isn’t that interesting? Especially considering the inventory I recently did that revealed my feelings about my adoption. I’ve been letting the energy flow in this area, not pushing for any more realizations or epiphanies, just letting things show up as they will and are ready. Nothing major has come up since then and that’s fine with me. It was such a doozy that stirring the cauldron is plenty.

The Men

Some of the realizations that have come up the most have to do with my relationships with men. And while that might sound like a tangent, it really isn’t. If we continue with the understanding that my core beliefs are that everyone always leaves and that I don’t really deserve to live, it makes sense. Some how, some way, the men always did leave or I left them before they could because it was inevitable.  I seriously made decisions about relationships with that thought in my head. Consciously. There was always some blowout, blowup, blast sideways. There was always a guy who was never on the same page. There was always a guy who never quite grew up, always a guy who really didn’t want or understand commitment. I was into the quick fix for most of my life now that I think about it.  The drinks and drugs were just another quick fix. Sex too soon, “love” too soon, trust TOO soon. glug glug glug

Right now, D and I are really enjoying becoming friends. Really getting to know each other. Dare I use the “B” word? Bonding. As we talk about our pasts, our behaviors, and our beliefs, stuff comes up to the surface. We’ll be chatting away, or talking (we do both very, very well) and suddenly I’m in tears, big fat hot wet tears. I look at what prompted them and go, “oh, right,” and then move on.  Healing is happening. This is a new and different kind of relationship for both of us and we both really like it. Just as it is, letting it flow.

I think I didn’t tell you much about our full moon Mabon ritual and probably won’t. But it was beautiful, he was just a dear. He took it very seriously but we found ways to laugh, mirth before reverence y’all. We burned things in the new/old cauldron, we did work for the future, and we gave thanks. He loved it and so did I. That is the first time I have done a full ritual with a male partner. I have been looking for that. Maybe I’ve found it. I don’t know. But it was good and the results of our work are really starting to be visible.

Healing is happening. We are keeping things simple and it’s really good to be friends with this man. Really Good.

But, I hear you ask, what does this have to do with original family. Good question. Adoption makes things interesting. I had an original mother and an original father, both DNA donors and life givers. But they, and we, were never a family. My FAMILY of origin is the two people upstairs, my mom and dad. The brother who is flying in with HIS new family for Halloween. And yes, I could easily kvetch about the isssues we had growing up in this house but let’s look at the positive, shall we?

The Gifts

They wanted me. Very badly. They had tried for 5 years to have children of their own but due to a physical malfunction, that was not to be. They wanted children, had already graduated from grad school, were working professionals, ready to settle down, and they wanted children. They made sure that I knew I was wanted in those early years because I manifested a lot of insecurity even then about my origins.

They wanted me to have the best in my life, the best opportunities they could give me. They weren’t always opportunities that I wanted but that is beside the point.

No matter what I did or how I misbehaved or how I screwed up my life, they were there. THEY never left, never did, never will. And it’s taken me 50 years to realize that I have not seen that, not been as grateful as I could have been, not really seeing this aspect at any rate. They could have left. They never did. But I guess I’m a hard case. It took 50 years for me to start to believe that not everyone leaves.

The Results

So. Here I am. 51. And the most important people in my life are here. Still. 51 years. I think it’s about time this popped to the surface so that the bubbles of these horrifying core beliefs could burst and dissipate into the ether, to be the last things to really and truly leave me. Because they? Are the things that absolutely should.  Buh Bye.

Castles and Noble Thoughts

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My nephew turns 8 this month. The secret treasure box was such a hit that I decided to do more word burning.  I found the cutest little castle birdhouse at Michaels and knew that was it.

Because of the fire cleanup and restoration and moving etc I had the energy to get out and buy the piece but not actually work on it.  I’m glad I waited because yesterday I had the idea to put French bon mot around the crenellated balcony.

I used the SAMAN stains that Sarah of Forest Grove recommended and I’m just tickled.  It was worth every penny.  I am extremely pleased with the results.  Not only was it a dream to work with at full strength but also diluted at 50%.  It did what they said it would do, it didn’t streak, clean up was a breeze and there was very little bleeding when I put the first coat of mod podge varnish on it.  I finally got some linseed oil to mix with my beeswax, also recommended by Sarah, so that I won’t have to use the chemical varnishes.  Since this is non magical work and a toy for an 8 year old boy I’m not going to sweat the small stuff.  Thank you Sarah for being such an inspiration.

C’est la seule vertu qui donne la noblesse ~ Virtue alone confers nobility 

A coeur vaillant rien impossible ~ To a valiant heart nothing is impossible