Author Archives: Cynthia

Unknown's avatar

About Cynthia

I am a textile artist, embroiderer, wood burner, costumer, painter, and weaver who sees magic and change in the chain stitch and a well done Palestrina knot. I wish I had more control over the ways of the human world but alas, all I can control are my actions and my attitude in life and the consistency of my stitches. And sometimes even that doesn’t pan out as hoped and I must rip rip rip.

Art for arts sake ~ For sale at rock bottom prices

Posted on by

As I’ve mentioned before, the ex, Narcissus, got mad at me recently.  Because I got mad at him.  This is why I got mad at him…  (I feel perfectly legit in posting this since not only did Narcissus ask this series of questions in front of several of our dear friends who knew us as a couple and who know of the breakup,  some of them know my side even, but he did so on tape which was sent around the world to the subscribers of the monthly Jeshua transcripts.  And he got mad at me for writing about him anonymously in my blog, he was worried that folks would think badly of him.  I assure you Narcissus, I don’t need to do a thing for you to look bad, you did that well enough on your own.  In this case neither he nor I are anonymous.  And because of this last bit?  I care no more about his reputation in my blog. Smote him. Smote his ass. If someone reading this actually knows who he is they can choose how they want to feel about it all but it is not my problem. Why? Because we established recently the readers of my blog are intelligent beings who are adult enough to make up their own minds about anything I write.)

Jeshua: Beloved songbird, how are you in this evening?

Narcissus: I’m pretty good (Good. What would you speak of?) I’m trying to figure out exactly how to ask, or actually, I’m trying to figure out what I actually want to know (That is very good to have some clarity there; it does help) There’s been something that’s kind of confused me for a number of years with a relationship. I’ve got a friend that I’ve kind of off and on had feelings for, kind of had a crush and that kind of thing, but she’s married, and so I haven’t and I won’t do anything to pursue that, but I actually had a tarot reading about it yesterday and that cleared up quite a few things. But I was just wondering what the connection between us is, where it comes from, and like who we’ve been in past lives and stuff; it’s obvious we have Continue reading →

Best laid plans and all that

Posted on by
1

Had a couple mechanic friends and a tow truck friend look at the damage to my car last night.  Luckily we were all in the same place at the same time.  Here’s to sober mechanics and tow truck drivers…

The damage, while not looking bad at first glance, is about $3000 so I have filed a claim with my insurance company and notified the sweet little couple that alas, our original hopes are not to be and that my insurance company will contact them and work out the details.  Since my deductible is $500 I don’t come out any better cash wise but I will have my car good as new and that makes me happy.  It is also the right thing to do which also makes me very happy.

So, estimate on Thursday and then an appointment with the body shop.

I do so love my first ever new car, she is a beauty and drives like a dream.  She’s worth it.

Off to answer phones at 12 step intergroup and do my service for the month.  Time to work on my serenity levels, they could use some work.  And to remember that I am not the person calling in with a severe hangover and confused because once again they drank even though they swore they wouldn’t and they don’t know what to do.  Thank the Goddess that, no matter what, I no longer suffer from incomprehensible demoralization.

My first ever my fault car accident

Posted on by
2

I am very lucky. They are very lucky. We were both only going about 5 miles per hour. In my blind spot, I merged right into the side of their car.

They, a very nice elderly couple, have a 1978 station wagon. I have a 2007 Ford sedan. Damage to their car? Some paint scratches and a small ding above the front wheel well. My car? Front bumper popped off its moorings, a large ding over the front wheel well, some paint damage. When we connected the guy pulled into driveway and it was that action that pulled my bumper off its pins. But what else could we have done. They want, and will get, $500 as he wants to “drive this car the rest of his life.” This won’t keep his car running but hell. $500 seems a small price to pay to get the humbling experience of realizing that I am indeed not focused on the world in a way that is safe at this time. I will have the money soon enough and they are nice enough to wait. They don’t want insurance companies because of course their car would be considered totalled. They were very cute and very nice, on their way to teach kids at summer camp the joys of science. Retired science teachers. He with Einstein hair, missing two fingers, and wearing a montana t-shirt and she, just as sweet as could be, with her tidy coat, short, red, permed hair and a smile just like my grandma Beebo.

Continue reading →

TVI

Posted on by
Reply

God give me patience. 6 more days. And only 4 with him.

He sent out my going away lunch invitation to half of our current staff but not the other half and not me. He never got the invite list from me. Many of my friends were not invited. Some folks who tolerate me and I tolerate them were invited. Thank god I asked for a lunch so that I don’t have to really talk to anyone specifically. Stupidest man on earth…

Just saying…

Countdown is shortened

Posted on by

They have decided to keep The Village Idiot. Which is absolutely no surprise and while it is too bad for the department, they really were in a jam. The Big Kahuni leaves for a year sabbatical in New York in September and to leave her fill in with the job of relacing TVI seemed like a cruel thing to do. So, he will stay just to keep there from being a gigantic gap. Edit: They have only decided not to have me work as a contract hourly in August. He could still be fired at any moment. Evidently he is in terribly hot water from his eval yesterday. One strains the mind to think he can really fix a thing in so little time. I look forward to the final decree. Jeez. Evidently his work plan was a bust including replacing me with a part time student. *smirk*

Which is good news for me in the sense that I no longer feel obligated to give to them. So I shortened my stay to the 18th instead of the 24th. Only four days and considering I gave them 5+ weeks notice, it’s still a generous move. But I am so frikking done. TVI? Has decided to take my last week off on vacation. He will not be here to get training from me or my assistant on the new newsletter cms he ordered. Why should I stay then? There is no point to staying if he isn’t here. I just love leaving him to figure it out on his own on the 28th when the newsletter ships the 29th. I hope it is a horrible death throe but I will not be here to watch. Muwahahahahahaha. He must be the stupidest man alive.

I realized the last few days and after a good chat with a dear friend, R, that I have simply had too much grieving going on in my life these past 7 months. While I was able to grieve the two cats I lost last December and January and I have moved on from the loss of Jean, I have not had the time to grieve the loss of Narcissus (the shithead, self-absorbed, juvenile ex, a little voice says he is no loss, good riddance, but loss it is, I gave my heart fully and must get it back) nor the loss of my first ever dream job.

Continue reading →